Some Good Clean Wednesday One-Liners

Chick: That guy ruined loofah-foreplay for an entire nation!

–113th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Crazy guy riding on bike: Girl, I would looove to see your bathwater!

–7th & W23rd

Suit on cell: She has a bit of an upset stomach cause we've given her, like, a ton of baths.

–Whole Foods, Houston St

Overheard by: Percival Under Cover

Andre-the-giant-looking guy walking by, on cell: I have to sponge-bath myself down there. It's ridiculous.

–South Street Seaport

Overheard by: kosher dan

30-something suit: Some girls don't take showers… But that doesn't stop me from hittin' em.

–34th St

Overheard by: Kristen

Posted on March 17, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Cleanliness, Crazies, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Health and Hygiene, On Cell, One-liners, Pick-up Lines, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Street, Suits, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Whole Foods

Just for Starters, Build Her a Birdhouse

Thug on street: Hey, girl! You lookin' fine. I'm gonna do… things to you. Yup, lots of… things.
Thug friend: Like, what you gonna do to her?
Thug: Things, man. I said things.

–125th St & Morningside Ave

Posted on January 31, 2010
Beauty, Compliments, Friends, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Thugs

The Day Barbie Realized Her Infinite Power

Thug to smiling girl: It's so nice to see a pretty girl smiling!
Smiling girl: Everybody's been so nice to me today… I don't know what's going on!
Thug, pointing at her breasts: Did you just grow those last night, girl?
Smiling girl: Oh my god! I'm wearing a push up bra today! (pause) Well, I'll have to buy more of these! (walks away, jutting her chest out)

–48th & 2nd

Posted on January 2, 2010
Beauty, Clothing, Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Physical appearance, Pick-up Lines, Rack, Shopping, Thugs

The NYC Answer to “What Time Is It?” Is “Go Fuck Yourself”

50-year-old man with limited teeth: Do you know what time it is?
Attractive young preppy girl: Quarter to four.
50-year-old man with limited teeth: It's a quarter til I make sweet love to you.

–R Train

Overheard by: The mind boggles

Posted on December 31, 2009
Men, On the Subway, Pick-up Lines, Preppies, Questions, Sex, Time

Fine. Now Explain the “I Fuck Men” T-Shirt.

Guy: Why do men keep flirting with me?
Girl #1: Why do you think?
Guy: Is it because of my pants?
Girl #2: Because they're tight?
Guy: These are loose!

–Washington Square Park

Posted on December 22, 2009
Clothing, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Parks, Physical appearance, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Washington Square Park

Begging Works More Often Than You'd Think

White guy in suit to drunk Asian girl coming out of the subway: Will you come home with me?
Please?
Asian girl: What? Why?
White guy: I'm lonely and I want to sleep together.
Asian girl: I'm not a prostitute, you dick!

–Time Square

Posted on December 3, 2009
Asians, Comebacks, Drunks, Girls, Guys, Insults, Offers and requests, Pick-up Lines, Prostitution, Suits, Times Square, White People, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners, for Purely Medicinal Purposes

Guy wearing a promotional cardboard to another: I think I'm going to treat myself to health insurance next month.

–Broadway & 43rd St

Overheard by: Maria

Woman on phone: My urologist wanted to stick a microscope up my urethra! (pause) No! (pause) Because it's going to hurt!

–Vandam St & 6th Ave

20-something woman on cell: Yeah, the doctor told me not to exfoliate my labia.

–R Train

Overheard by: Note to self….

Bartender: I gotta get sexy for my doctor tomorrow. I'm gonna be like, "doctor, I need you to examine me. I need you to remove my garments." Nah… I'm just playin'. My doctor's cute, though. For real. I'm just gonna show some cleavage or somethin'.

–Jamaica, Queens

Woman on phone: She wants to be a doctor. She likes it when the guts fall out. (pause) No, she wouldn't do that. She's too lazy to be a serial killer.

–Fox Newsroom, 6th & 48th

Overheard by: Newsbunny

Posted on November 11, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bartenders, Beauty, Body Parts, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Jobs & Careers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murder, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Pick-up Lines, Queens, Rack, Science, Sensory Experiences, Soho, Street, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Plant a Wednesday, Harvest One-Liners

Girl holding orchid: Orchids are the thinking man's rose.

–116th & Broadway

Overheard by: Samantha

Hipster girl to hipster guy: I'm telling you, these trees smell like semen.

–10th St b/w 1st & Ave A

Overheard by: Libby

Disheveled hobo to granola-looking lady with khaki shorts, matching hat, and three-foot braided ponytail: You goin' on a nature walk, baby? I'd like to take a hike with you and make sweet love beside a pine tree.

–89th & Broadway

Overheard by: Jesse Cromer

20-something hipster: He face-planted into my potted plant, and then later he pissed himself.

–Gowanus Yacht Club, Brooklyn

Overheard by: big bad don

Posted on November 4, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Cum, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hipsters, Hobos, One-liners, Pee, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Street, Trees and plants, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

But I Was Drunk, So It Came Out As “Muahd Hhja!”

Girl #1: Did you see those NYU students last night?
Girl #2: Yeah, I wanted to say: “Hey, hey, NYU, I got into your school too!”

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Natalie

Posted on October 5, 2009
Columbia, Columbia (& Barnard), Education, Girls, Pick-up Lines, Questions, School and studying, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners: Willing, but Unripe

Loud-mouthed girl to friends: She says, "I've had sex with over 100 men." And so I says, "girl! You fourteen!"

–R Train

Thirty-something black man to Catholic high school girls: So what's it take for a couple of black guys to get to play with y'all's skirts?

–Metro-North

Overheard by: kfkdjsdf

Father to infant daughter in stroller: Hey! Close your legs!

–SoHo

Professor: Your favorite teacher from high school turned out to be a pedophile? Seriously? Well was he a real pedophile, or just a hooking-up-with-teenage-students kind of pedophile?

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Jack Package

13-year-old girl on phone: So guess what… I lost my virginity last night… looks like you owe me a soda.

–H & M

Overheard by: Imani

Posted on September 30, 2009
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Dads, Drinks, Fordham, Friends, Hook Ups, Kids, Moms, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Pick-up Lines, Promiscuity, Questions, Race, Robbing the Cradle, School and studying, Sex, Soho, Store, Students, Teachers/Professors, Teens, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Virginity, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

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