Drunk man: What's your name?
Sober woman: Emily.
Drunk man: Can we talk, Emily?
Sober woman: Sorry, I have to go call my boyfriend.
Drunk man, clutching heart: Dagger! Your name should be “dagger.”
–Coming Out of UWS Bar
Overheard by: That's cold
Drunk man: What's your name?
Sober woman: Emily.
Drunk man: Can we talk, Emily?
Sober woman: Sorry, I have to go call my boyfriend.
Drunk man, clutching heart: Dagger! Your name should be “dagger.”
–Coming Out of UWS Bar
Overheard by: That's cold
Teenage kid with mini white fluffy dog: Can I please get a dollar?
20-something girl: Nah, hah, what's with the dog?
Teenage kid: I gotta better question–do you have a boyfriend?
–Q Train
Overheard by: Maria
Disheveled gentleman: Hey, man, can you spare some change? I need a bottle of vodka, a bag of marijuana, and a prostitute. I'm desperate!
–East Village
Overheard by: Matty Mac
Toothless lady on street corner to friend: I ain't never been to jail, I ain't never fucked nobody for money!
–Brooklyn
Older Guido to young hipster: And then you got a fuckin' hooker on your hand, what are you going to to do?
–Mulberry
Overheard by: nina
Clean-cut queer: So she says "where are you going after this?" and I say "I think I'm just going to go back to the hotel and get some sleep" and she says "do you want company?" and I say "well, you're not really my type" and she says "I've got lots of friends… What's your type?" and I say "boys." And she's all, "oh, well, that's nice!" And then she leaves pretty quickly. And my friend says "who was that? Do you know her?" and I say, "no, she's just some very, very, very friendly girl. In a gold lamé cocktail dress. On a Tuesday night."
–6 Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Guy on cell: I wish I was in Florida–the hookers down there owe me 8 bucks and a beer!
–Astoria
Young woman in need of sympathy: You have to forgive me! My mother, she fucked me up! I'm soooo fucked up!
–7th St & Ave A
Overheard by: stephie
Teenage girl: My mom is a fan of "wild sex" on Facebook.
–Starbucks
Girl in red jacket: It's not the whole gay thing, it's the whole sex-in-front-of-your-mother thing.
–Hudson & Varrick
Man to another, across seat: Get up! Get up, fool. Yo' momma don't love you! And if yo' momma don't love you, don't nobody love you.
–E Train
Male NYU student: Yay, my mom's picking me up!
–NYU
Overheard by: George
Guy on phone on Halloween night: So I realize it's last minute, but we need a fourth ghostbuster… and you are black.
–3rd Ave
Overheard by: Supertaint
Teenage girl to group of friends: Ya know, I used to think that John Lennon and John Legend were the same person. Every time I saw John Legend I thought, "damn, that's whack that John Lennon would walk around in black face!"
–M116 Bus, East Harlem
Overheard by: NC
20-something black guy to 20-something white girl: It's New Year's Eve, baby–have sex with a black man tonight! Have sex with a black man on New Year's Eve! (girl laughs, turns to look at him) Hey–it don't have to be me! It's New Year's Eve, have sex with a black man tonight!
–Suffolk & Delancey
Passenger, about ghetto kids who just got off train: Damn, they were like the black Jersey Shore!
–Uptown 2 Train
Overheard by: kids these days
Drunk guy: I summon all the single ladies to my personal sleeping quarters. Somebody come up here and kiss me! I'm an outstanding kisser and an excellent swing dancer! Girls, boys, hermaphrodites, I don't care!
Drunk guy's friend: If you think this is bad, you should've seen him at the Billy Joel concert… He peed on my foot.
Drunk guy: Only because you were wearing sandals!
–Citi Field Stadium
Older black man to younger black man: Yeah, cause you don't need to say you're from the Jers to pick up chicks, they ain't like that here, son. I mean, if she's mad hot then you can clue her in that you're from Jersey, but only if you think she can appreciate your flow…
–Lafayette & St. James
Frat boy crossing street: Butthole in New Jersey.
–Flatbush Ave & 7th, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Hunter
Stoned-looking teen to friend: Are you from New Jersey? Maybe you told me, but I can just, like, sense it…
–Union Square
Overheard by: wgoddessw
Guy to friend: Yeah, man, I was watching that show Jersey Shore the other night… Makes me glad I live on Long Island.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Fistpump like a champ
Stressed film major: You are going to give me that fucking power chord. Then I'm going to punch you in the vag. Then you're coming to New Jersey with me.
–Tisch School of the Arts
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
Funny-looking guy with crazy goatee & glasses to the sales assistant by the table full of butt plugs: I'm friendly with this woman… She likes things in her ass.
–Babeland, Lower East Side
Overheard by: Lara
Girl: It felt so good. He then stuck his finger up my ass. Just as I was about to say "No! No!" I came. Ugh, I swear my life is a joke… A joke!
–Murray St & Greenwich
Overheard by: James
Guy talking way too loudly on cell: Man, I just lay her down and say, "baby, you put yo' tongue in daddy's ass!
–W 3rd & MacDougal
Overheard by: Mathieu
Guy on cell: Cus he'd already been to the emergency room, 'cus he stuck a shampoo bottle up his ass.
–L Train
Thug to girl in catsuit costume walking by: Man, I'd eat yesterday's breakfast out of that ass!
–42nd & 7th
Overheard by: Ed
Girl #1: Tell me how you bagged him 'cause I need to bag someone for myself!
Girl #2: All I said was, “you're fly, I'm fly, we could be fly together!”
Girl #1: Dead ass?
Girl #2: Dead ass!
–Brooklyn College
Overheard by: Puzzled Psychology Major
Crackhead trying to get pretty girl's attention: Woo gurrrl, where you bin? Walkin all fine. Hey shawty! Girl in dat pink sweater! I talkin' to you.
Pretty girl: It's fucking salmon. (walks into pet store to escape)
Crackhead: Wooo, ain'tcho fiesty! I'll buy you a puppy! Shoo!
–E 6th St
