“…are you busy after work?”

Stocker guy #1: Hey, listen to this.
Stocker guy #2: Yeah?
Stocker guy #1: So I’m driving home last night, and my cell phone rings. And it’s a number that I don’t recognize. I pick it up, and say, “Hello?” And there’s this woman’s voice, and she’s like, “Is this Michael?” and I say, “Yeah.” So I’m thinkin’ it’s that girl I met the other day, that I gave my number to. And she’s like, “Did you meet a girl at 88th and 2nd?” And I’m like, “Yeah.” “How old are you?” she asks. And I like, I say, “I’m 34”, but I’m really 44. And then she’s like, “Well, she’s 15. This is her mother.”

–Food Emporium, 87th & Madison

Posted on November 1, 2025
Age/Aging, Cell Phone, Creepsters, Grocery Stores, Parents, Pick-up Lines, Suits, Talking/Convos

Those Wednesday One-liners Ain’t Got No Home

Hobo: Punch me in the face! $20! Pay $20 to punch me in the face!

–11th & A

Overheard by: Ben F

Hobo: Can you help me out? You ain’t no brother, but you a cousin. And a white man said, “Ask not what your cousin can do for you, ask what you can do for your cousin.” What can you do for me, man?

–Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: iiams

Hobo: Can anyone spare some change, or some food, an apple, a banana, a bacon and cheese omelet with hash browns?

–R train

Hobo: Miss, can I have a quarter so I can call you later?

–57th & 7th

Overheard by: CK Allen

Hobo: Damn, man! We got enough here for a bottle o’ vodka…and you want wine?

–Avenue A between 5th & 6th

Overheard by: Dave McKenna

Hobo: If you don’t have any money, but you’re really attractive, just give me a hug and we’ll call it even.

–F train

Overheard by: Fiona Lee

Posted on October 21, 2025
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Hobos, Money & Class, Pick-up Lines

Going Back to the Source

Hobo: Excuse me miss, but may I have some pussy?
Woman: Excuse me?
Hobo: Can I have some pussy?
Woman: I don’t know, I suggest that you call your mother.

–Thompson & Spring

Posted on September 17, 2025
Etiquette, Hobos, Pick-up Lines, Vagina, West Village

Especially Not While She’s Rare

Girl: Stop staring, pervert.
Guy: You ain’t all that hot.
Girl: I am not a hamburger! You can’t eat me!

–3 train

Overheard by: Jose

Posted on September 7, 2025
Creepsters, Eating Out, Etiquette, Food, Ghetto Chicks, Girls, Hootchies, Horny, Junk Food & Fast Food, Men, On the Subway, Pick-up Lines, Players, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Subway stations, platforms, etc.

Forget Get That Tool; She’s Not Loose

Guy: Are you a robot?
Chick: What?
Guy: Are you a robot? Because I think you need some repairs.
Chick: No, I’m not.
Guy: Are you sure? Because I got a screwdriver in my back seat.

–Broadway between Spring & Broome

Overheard by: Jessica Jaglois

Posted on September 2, 2025
Chinatown, Creepsters, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Pick-up Lines

Wednesday One-liners & Missed Connections

Man on pay phone: Maria! I just got out of the doctor’s office. They told me I have herpes and I got them from you!

–34th Street station

Overheard by: Cristalle Stutrud

Woman: You wiped your nose with a tissue, held a tissue in the same hand, and then put your hands all over my papers. What’d you think I was going to do?

–Penn Station

Player: Yo, baby. New York’s a scary place. How about you hold my hand going down the street and make us both feel better?

–34th & 7th

Fat dude on cell: Girl, take that fucking dildo out of your pussy and talk to me!

–4th Street between 1st & 2nd

Overheard by: Andrea Quijano

Fratboy: Zack is cool, until he starts grabbing my ass.

–Bensonhurst

Crazy man: You know what your problem is? You’re not drinking enough milk…from a penis!

–South Street Seaport

Overheard by: Victor Preuninger

Posted on July 3, 2025
All Wednesday One-Liners, Crazies, Fat People, Health and Hygiene, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Only in New York, Pick-up Lines, Private Parts, Relationships, Sex, STDs, Street

No, But It Sure Smells Better

Construction worker: Wow, baby, come over here and sit on my face!
Girl: Why, is your nose bigger than your dick?

–42nd & 6th

Overheard by: Mark T

Posted on May 2, 2025
Construction Guys, Eating Out, Pick-up Lines

Foreplay Don’ts

Girl: You want a lap dance?
Guy: Huh? Sure, where?
Girl: How about your place?…I’ll give you one for two hundred bucks.
Guy: What? Are you crazy?
Girl: Okay, 50. I’m really a nice girl…I’m just having a hard time paying my bills.
Guy: No, thanks!
Girl: Okay…What would you want for 50 bucks?
Guy: Can I fuck you in the ass?
Girl: What? You’re sick.
Guy: Go home, get some sleep…and go look for a job in the morning.

–Cassidy’s Ale House, Flushing

Overheard by: Stephan

Hobo: You should put your legs together.
Girl: What did you say to me?
Hobo: Close your legs.
Girl: I’m a big girl, they’re as closed as they’re gonna get. It’s called “fat”.
Hobo: I guess you want to air out.
Girl: I guess you want a whiff.

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: Djuna

Drunk fratboy: Damn, you got a sexy walk, girl!…Hey, can I buy you a drink?
Girl: No, thanks anyway.
Drunk fratboy: OK…so, uh…how about I just fuck you in the ass, then?

–Washington Square Park

Posted on April 5, 2025
Backdoor, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Bryant Park, Diet/Weight, Drunks, Etiquette, Frat Boys, Hobos, Money & Class, Pick-up Lines, Prostitution, Strangers, Washington Square Park

How Not to Hook Up in NYC

Chick: I don’t get Spanish guys. They compliment you every time you pass them. They always say things like, “You have beautiful legs, in my country it is an honor for a woman to be told she has beautiful legs”. Well, you’re in NY now, honey, and I’m a bitch!

–5th Ave. & 82nd St.

Player: Excuse me miss, you’re even better looking than J. Lo. Can I have your autograph?

–Fulton Street mall

Hobo: Hey, you a pretty lady. You married?…I got food stamps!

–Astoria

Overheard by: mj