Medsday One-Liners

Radiology nurse: I have been asked out before. But never while giving a barium enema!

–Radiology Medical Office, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Paper

Doctor on cell: I have to get oriented as to the location of those cadavers!

–3rd Ave, Near Cabrini Medical Center

Older doctor to younger doctor in a group: You actually tried to get a dermatology consultant to come in the middle of the night? That was pretty dumb. You know those guys wouldn't get out of their Shea butter body wraps unless the world was ending.

–Kings County Emergency Room

Suit to lady friend: If you really wanted to smoke crack you'd go to the hospital!

–Nassau St & Ann St

Overweight girl to female friend: Wanna play gynecologist?

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Sarah Booz

Posted on September 16, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Death, Directions, Doctors, Fat People, Friends, Girls, Hard Drugs, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Hospitals, Medicine, Nurses, On Cell, Pick-up Lines, Sex, Street, Stupidity, Suits, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

I Am Currently Traversing the Intermarriage Zone

Man: You look like someone I knew in college.
Hot lady suit: Oh, yeah?
Man: Where did you go to school?
Hot lady suit: BMCC.
Man: I went to Queens.
Hot lady suit: I did, too, for a while.
Man: Oh, my name is Eric. So, are you single?
Hot lady suit: Sometimes.
Man: Oooh.

–V train

Overheard by: Black White Woman

Posted on August 26, 2020
Manhattan, On the Subway, Pick-up Lines, Sex & Relationships, Suits

He'll Be The “Pro-Life” of the Party!

Concerned male friend: Well, aren't you afraid of gettin' like, an STD or something? Don't you use condoms?
Confused teen girl: Well, we did the first few times, but then we didn't. I mean, he's been coming inside me for like a year now and nothin' ever happened. (points to belly, implying she's pregnant)
Concerned male friend: And how old is he again? How old are you?
Confused teen girl: He's 18. I'm 16–almost 17.
Concerned male friend: Damn, I don't know. This is fucked up. What you gonna do when you wanna go out? Like with your friends and shit.
Confused teen girl: I'll take my baby with me!

–E Train

Headline by: Erica Neumann

Runners-Up:
· “$5 Says You Guys Don’t Get a Single Non-Palin Headline on This One” – twoferrets
· “Ju No What I’m Talking About?” – Barry P.
· “My Breast-milk Is Gonna Be, Like, Fifty Percent JÃ¤germeister…” – Who Doesn’t Love A Drunken Infant?
· “That Thing Is Gonna Need One Hell Of a Fake I.D.” – MJP
· “There’s a Bristol Palin Joke Here Somewhere…” – S-Train
· “You Know, Like One Of Those Elmo Backpacks?” – All by myself.

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on July 30, 2020
Age/Aging, Babies, Condoms, Friends, Girls, Headline Contest Winners, On the Subway, Pick-up Lines, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Relationships, STDs, Teens

One Life to Wednesday One-Liner

Five-year-old boy to father: Is this an important life lesson?

–14th & 6th

Overheard by: A

Young Asian man to woman ignoring him: Hey, let's go get a falafel. Hey, hey–you live around here often?

–Union Square

Overheard by: serena

Woman, throwing McNuggets at man: Get the fuck out of my life!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Elliot

Frantic crazy guy: I'm gonna go have a seat in Starbucks and get my life together!

–6th Ave & 25th St

Overheard by: tbomb

Suit on phone: Well that's life, you screw people over and then you go to the Bahamas.

–Train into Penn Station

Posted on July 6, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Asians, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crazies, Dads, Ethnic Food, Guys, Insults, Kids, Men, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Penn Station, Philosophy, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Street, Suits, The Village, Times Square, Trains Not Subway, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

I’m More Offended That It’s By Hamilton’s House

Two skateboard guys make as much noise as possible to get a chick’s attention. She doesn’t take the bait.

Skateboy #1: Whatever! Forget her!
Skateboy #2: Hey, baby!

She turns.

Skateboy #2: Let’s not make this into a rape thing, y’know?

–142nd & Convent

Posted on July 4, 2020
Harlem & Morningside Heights, Pick-up Lines, Rape, Skaters

Then It Changed to Crocs, and We All Cried.

Girl #1: When Annie is in a relationship, she's really serious. But when she was single she went through what we like to call the “sit on your face” phase.
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: She'd go up to a guy in the bar we were in and say, “man, you look so good tonight. I might just sit on your face later.”
(girl #2 laughs)
Girl #1: Yeah… “sit on your face” was the new black for a while.

–Pig 'n' Whistle Bar

Overheard by: Ellen

Posted on May 6, 2020
Bars & Clubs, Beauty, Body Parts, Girls, Pick-up Lines, Relationships

Intelligent Designing 101

Guy #1: Damn that girl is fine. I’d give my left nut to get her a night.
Guy #2: Dude, why your left nut?
Guy #1: Because it’s attached directly to your heart.
Guy #2: Oh my god, what bio class have you been taking?

–20th & Park

Overheard by: Kiuu SMith

Posted on April 24, 2020
Body Parts, Manhattan, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Pick-up Lines, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Stupidity

Holy Crap– That's My Other Fetish!

African pedestrian, checking out hot Asian girl: Hello.
Hot Asian girl, listening to iPod: Hi. (looks at pedestrian quizzically)
African pedestrian: Konichiwa. (smiles creepily at her)
Hot Asian girl: No inglés. (looks back at her iPod)

–Penn Station

Overheard by: ABC

Posted on April 9, 2020
Africans, Asians, Language Barrier, Penn Station, Pick-up Lines

Your Friend — She Is Cockblocking, Yes?

Awkward French Casanova: Excuse me?
Chick in huge sunglasses: What?
Awkward French Casanova: Your necklace — it is a bat?
Chick in huge sunglasses: Yeah.
Awkward French Casanova: You like bats?
Chick in huge sunglasses: Yeah.
Awkward French Casanova: And your sunglasses — are they heavy?
Chick in huge sunglasses: Nope.
Awkward French Casanova: Ah. And I see you–
Chick’s friend, interrupting: –Will you shut the fuck up?!

–1 train

Overheard by: freedom fries?

Posted on March 14, 2020
On the Subway, Pick-up Lines, Strangers

Now’s the Time to Clarify These Things

Guido: I like my women a little more, shall we say, feminine.
Trannie: Yeah, I’ve got balls.

–LIRR, 6 AM

Overheard by: eileen

Posted on January 11, 2020
Body Parts, Guidos, Penis, People, Pick-up Lines, Places, Private Parts, Sex & Relationships, Trains Not Subway, Trannies

Pick-up Lines