Wednesday One-Liners Like Their Women Like They Like Their Coffee: Hot, and with a Spoon in Them.

Hipster on cell: Dude, yeah, coffee gives me the shits too; but I'd rather have the shits than no coffee.

–Dunkin' Donuts

Overheard by: Madalyn

Poet, selling self-published book on train: We're like Starbucks coffee and biscotti; you're tall and hot and I'm hard and nutty.

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: Marc

Little girl to mother: It's like every single person in the whole wide world came to Starbucks and we were the veeeerrrrryyy last ones.

–Starbucks

Colonel Sanders-looking man, in strong Southern accent: I want somethin cold… Whadya git?

–Starbucks

Posted on January 11, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Artists, Coffee, Compare/Contrast, Food, Hipsters, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Poop, Restaurants & Cafes, Southerners, Starbucks, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires

Real Bunny Eyes Dissolve, Too

Girl #1: We did this experiment with Peeps in high school. Nothing dissolved them. Not hydrochloric acid. Highly concentrated. Not sulfuric acid. Highly concentrated. Not nitric acid. Highly concentrated. Nothing dissolved except the eyes.
Girl #2: So how come when I eat Peeps, my poop isn’t pink and sparkly?
Girl #1: Oh, there’s ingredient breakdown and bile’s involved, but you pretty much shit Peep.

–Metro-North train

Posted on December 6, 2018
Fast Times at New York High, Food, Junk Food & Fast Food, Poop, Trains Not Subway

“What, we’re going to end up on some lame blog?”

Girl: So are you still upset about her?
Guy: No, it’s okay, her breath smells funny…like poop.
Girl: I had a swim coach like that. So does her breath really smell like poop?
Guy: Did you have to say it that loud?

–New York Public Library, 40th & 5th

Overheard by: Andrew Marsh

Posted on October 23, 2018
Breaking Up, Friends, Health and Hygiene, Library, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Poop

At Least He Doesn't Eat Your Slippers, Like the Tenant.

Girlfriend: He's not, like, the ideal tenant, know what I mean?
Boyfriend: Yeah, I know.
Girlfriend, to pooping bulldog: Sit! God, you're such an ass! Sit!

–9th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Tom Fickle

Posted on August 23, 2018
Compare/Contrast, Couples, Insults, Man's Best Friend, Poop, The Village

…Since You Pooped in It

Little boy: Mom, is this a potty?
Mom: No it's the subway exit.
Little boy: It smells like a potty.

–F Train

Posted on July 18, 2018
Kids, Moms, On the Subway, Poop, Questions, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences

Nah, Man, Go For Her Purse

Drunk guy: I’m dunzo like the girl Kristin from Laguna Beach…I’m drunk like I’m on The Real World.
Sober guy: Yo, don’t throw up in the elevator, man. You should go throw up on that girl’s door that we hate.

–Palladium Residence elevator, East 14th Street

Overheard by: Rachel W.

Posted on July 2, 2018
About Celebrities, Drinking & Drunk People, Elevators, Manhattan, Poop, Pop Culture, The Village, TV

On the Ass, Huh? How’d That Happen?

Guy: Look at these new trousers I bought.
Frat guy: Dude!
Guy: You really like them?
Frat guy: Dude!
Guy: You can buy them too if you want. I won’t be pissed.
Frat guy: Oh my God, those are the pants I returned ’cause I got a stain on the ass.
Guy: Oh, that’s what that was.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Delilah

Posted on June 13, 2018
Cleanliness, Clothing, Columbia (& Barnard), Frat Boys, Poop, Students

Introducing Mrs. Softee

Girl #1: It’s official: I’m lactose intolerant.
Girl #2: Oh. So?
Girl #1: Well, I had a pasta for lunch in cream sauce. My stomach ain’t having any of it.
Girl #2: It’s coming outta ya?
Girl #1: Yes, Einstein.
Girl #2: All glooby globby?
Girl #1: Do you really have to do that?
Girl #2: Ha, ha, ha. You love it.

–6 train

Overheard by: Erika Thompson

Posted on February 13, 2018
Anger Management, Food, On the Subway, Poop, Stupidity

Young Ahab Loses the Battle With the Great Brown Whale

Older brother: I just took the biggest shit in the bathroom I have seen in months. It started overflowing and I ran out.
Younger brother: Wow, I bet that thing put up a fight coming outta you, huh?

–Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Cody Smith

Posted on February 10, 2018
Brothers, Default, Fears, Guys, Madison Square Garden, Poop, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Are Molding Young Minds

English teacher: Class, I’d like you to remember where the line is. It is always moving, and it is determined by me.

–Bronx Science

Overheard by: HJWC

English teacher: I rose up into the air and flew out the window… You didn’t notice this?

–Hunter College High

Overheard by: stupid english student

Old teacher: Okay, there are three rules in this classroom, and I am completely serious. Number one, no swearing. Number two, no scuffles. Number three, no sex until 3:20 when you can do what you want.

–Grace Church School

Teacher: I’m a huge fan of bathroom stall graffiti! My favorite from this school is in the third floor bathroom: ‘If you can read this, you are pooping.’

–Bard High School Early College

Teacher to another: You are a hemorrhoid in my ass.

–Brooklyn Tech

Overheard by: Julie

Health teacher: Drug abuse is a symptom of suicide.

–Hunter College High

English teacher: The next scene is about sex, so pay attention. You might learn something.

–Brooklyn Tech

Overheard by: Julie

Posted on November 2, 2017
Advice, Ass, Bronx Science, Classroom, College, Default, Drugs, Education, Etiquette, Hunter, Illness, Insults, Offers and requests, Old People, Poop, Questions, School, School and studying, Sex, Stupidity, Suicide, Teachers/Professors, Time, Weirdness, Words