Little boy: Mom, is this a potty?
Mom: No it's the subway exit.
Little boy: It smells like a potty.
–F Train
Little boy: Mom, is this a potty?
Mom: No it's the subway exit.
Little boy: It smells like a potty.
–F Train
Drunk guy: I’m dunzo like the girl Kristin from Laguna Beach…I’m drunk like I’m on The Real World.
Sober guy: Yo, don’t throw up in the elevator, man. You should go throw up on that girl’s door that we hate.
–Palladium Residence elevator, East 14th Street
Overheard by: Rachel W.
Guy: Look at these new trousers I bought.
Frat guy: Dude!
Guy: You really like them?
Frat guy: Dude!
Guy: You can buy them too if you want. I won’t be pissed.
Frat guy: Oh my God, those are the pants I returned ’cause I got a stain on the ass.
Guy: Oh, that’s what that was.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Delilah
Girl #1: It’s official: I’m lactose intolerant.
Girl #2: Oh. So?
Girl #1: Well, I had a pasta for lunch in cream sauce. My stomach ain’t having any of it.
Girl #2: It’s coming outta ya?
Girl #1: Yes, Einstein.
Girl #2: All glooby globby?
Girl #1: Do you really have to do that?
Girl #2: Ha, ha, ha. You love it.
–6 train
Overheard by: Erika Thompson
Older brother: I just took the biggest shit in the bathroom I have seen in months. It started overflowing and I ran out.
Younger brother: Wow, I bet that thing put up a fight coming outta you, huh?
–Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: Cody Smith
English teacher: Class, I’d like you to remember where the line is. It is always moving, and it is determined by me.
–Bronx Science
Overheard by: HJWC
English teacher: I rose up into the air and flew out the window… You didn’t notice this?
–Hunter College High
Overheard by: stupid english student
Old teacher: Okay, there are three rules in this classroom, and I am completely serious. Number one, no swearing. Number two, no scuffles. Number three, no sex until 3:20 when you can do what you want.
–Grace Church School
Teacher: I’m a huge fan of bathroom stall graffiti! My favorite from this school is in the third floor bathroom: ‘If you can read this, you are pooping.’
–Bard High School Early College
Teacher to another: You are a hemorrhoid in my ass.
–Brooklyn Tech
Overheard by: Julie
Health teacher: Drug abuse is a symptom of suicide.
–Hunter College High
English teacher: The next scene is about sex, so pay attention. You might learn something.
–Brooklyn Tech
Overheard by: Julie
NYU student #1: So, you know that part in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles where Raph gets jumped by the Foot Clan, and they have to bring him to April’s place because he’s a turtle, and turtles need water, so they put him in the bathtub?
NYU student #2: Yeah, sure.
NYU student #1: Yeah, they had to do that with her, ’cause she got so fucked up she shit herself.
NYU student #2: Again?
–Union Square
Overheard by: Jayso
Girl: Wow, that was some pretty bad turbulence.
Guy: Yeah, I don’t think I’ll be having bowel movements for a week.
–LaGuardia
Overheard by: Jim D
Girl #1: I want to wear adult diapers… So I don't have to go to the bathroom a hundred times a day.
Girl #2: But you'll have to go anyway, to change yourself.
Girl #1: Yeah… like once a day!
–CVS
Guy #1: Dude, I just shit in my pants.
Guy #2: My story wasn’t that funny.
Guy #1: No, I really took a shit in my pants.
–N train
