Wednesday One-Liners Get Swept Away in Masses Of Humanity

Tourist: Hey look, it's 42nd Street! They named it after a Broadway show.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Really? REALLY!?!

Tourist dad, as shuttle to Grand Central comes in: No! We need to take the purple to Grand Central Station, then the green!

–Times Square Shuttle Platform

Overheard by: D-Law

Male tourist, watching stranger propose underneath Christmas tree: Hey buddy, did you go to Jared?

–Rockefeller Center

Southern tourist lady, as subway stops: Oh no, I think the train ran out of gas!

–F Train

Overheard by: Matt

Southern tourist: I guess the birds ate all the hands off the statues.

–The Cloisters, Harlem

Overheard by: M@

Posted on April 26, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Birds, Broadway Shows, Colors, Dads, Directions, Harlem & Morningside Heights, NYC Geography, On the Subway, One-liners, Port Authority, Public Transportation, Questions, Southerners, Stupidity, Times Square, Tourism, Tourists, Vendors & Street Performers, Visual Art, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

It Makes Me Horny. You Wouldn't Like Me When I'm Horny

Straight girl: Oooohhh, you know who has the best tits? Isabella Rossellini. Great, great tits.
Gay guy: Oh, you're right! I didn't even think of her.
Straight girl: I don't know how someone her age can have tits that great.
Gay guy: Yeah, if your tits are half that good when you turn her age, you should die a happy woman.
Lesbian: Dear god, why are we talking about Isabella Rossellini's tits on the subway? For that matter, why are we talking about them anywhere?!

–N Train

Posted on April 22, 2015
About Celebrities, Age/Aging, Compliments, Default, Girls, Guys, Lesbians, Nipples, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Queer guys, Questions, Weirdness

Wednesday One-liners Practice Good Conduct

Conductor: Attention, ladies and gentlemen on the platform. Yes, this is a C train. If you are waiting for the F train you have gots to get on this train, no ifs, ands or buts about it. Just get on this train, and we will discuss it as we roll.

–C train

Posted on April 21, 2015
Conductors, On the Subway, Public Transportation

Let’s Hop on a Bus, Wednesday One-liners

Man on cell: Yo Hamster! Oh, hey Tomato, whats goin’ on?

–Bx12 bus

Overheard by: Courtney C

Girl on cell: I swear it had to be 8 or 9 inches long…yeah I know, I was shocked. It was the biggest damned cockroach I have ever seen…yes, a roach, what did you think I was talking about?

–Bx9 bus

Overheard by: ogie

Bus driver: Next stop 3rd Avenue. We’ll be arriving in a week to 10 days…Anyone want to get off here? That’ll be $50. Send me a check.

–M14D bus

Overheard by: Sherri

Posted on April 20, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Fruit, Insects, Nicknames & name calling, NYC Geography, On the Bus, Public Transportation, Time, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Weirdness

Don’t Cry For Me, Wednesday One-Liners

Conductor: Hey, no crying on the train! No crying on the train!

–1 train

Man: I make people cry, and you tickle them.

–Wall St

Girl: You’re making me wanna shed mad tears!

–Lower East Side

Mom to young daughter: I think Daddy cries because he cares.

–JFK

Drunk guy: Jim? Jim! I don’t think we can be friends anymore… I cried after the Super Bowl.

–Waverly & Broadway

Woman on cell: I call her at work sometimes, and I’m like ‘Hi, Beth,’ but I can’t hear her because she’s sobbing.

–22nd & Park

Overheard by: Champ

Tween: I made a babysitter cry once. She was so immature.

–Brooklyn-bound R train

Posted on April 19, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Family Ties, Football, Friendship, Gripes, Public Transportation, Should've Used a Condom, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Then How Can I Be a Jerk Off, Brainiac?

Man #1, annoyed at being pushed: You don't have to push!
Man #2: Well, it was really crowded.
Woman: Welcome to New York!
Man #1, to woman: Your mother!
Woman: That's mature! What are you, in the 5th grade? Grow up, jerk-off!
Man #1: Suck my dick!
Woman: You don't got one, honey!

–F Train

Overheard by: Alliem

Posted on April 15, 2015
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Insults, Men, On the Subway, Only in New York, Penis, Public Transportation, Violence, Women

The Restraining Order Involves a Mobius Strip and a Time Machine

Crazy lady: Don’t touch my coat! I don’t know where your hands have been!
Passenger: I was fixing something.
Crazy lady: Well, don’t fix anything! I don’t know you! And get your fucking hand out of my face!
Passenger: My hand wasn’t in your face.
Crazy lady: I wasn’t talking to you! I was talking to myself! Stop stalking me or I’ll cut you right on this train!

–R train

Posted on April 14, 2015
Crazies, On the Subway, Public Transportation

But Noooo, the City's All, “Boo Hoo, We're Secular Humanists!”

Pissed dude on train: You know, it'd be a lot harder for people to hold the doors if they were razor sharp.
Friend: That's not funny.
Pissed dude: I'm just saying people might hold the doors less if were going to lose a limb every time.

–F Train

Posted on April 13, 2015
Default, Friends, Guys, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Violence, Weirdness

New York Ensures That April Is the Cruelest Month

Female conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are stopped here due to congestion ahead. We should be moving shortly. [2-3 minutes later.] Ladies and gentlemen, due to a malfunctioning signal, everyone will need to get off the train, take the 4 back up to 149 St Grand Concourse and take the 2 train downtown.
Train riders: [Groan.]Conductor: April fools! Stand clear of the closing doors.

–4 Train

Overheard by: Mike T

Posted on April 11, 2015
Default, Holidays, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Subway conductors, Weirdness, Women

Sorry– I Only Meant We’re Too White to Get Off Here

Five-year-old child: Is this our stop, mommy?
Mother: No sweetie, this is the ghetto. Never get off here.
(two people sitting across give them dirty looks as they leave the train)

–Metro-North, Harlem

Overheard by: getting off at the 125th street stop

Posted on April 11, 2015
Advice, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kids, Moms, Parents, Public Transportation, Questions, Stupidity, Threats, Trains Not Subway, Words

Public Transportation