Female customer: Does my ShopRite card work here?
Bored cashier: No, this is a Gristedes.
Customer: Well, I was just curious about their relationship.
Bored cashier: Like any good relationship, it's all about boundaries.
–Gristedes
Overheard by: bemused
Guy with thick accent: Where you get off to the Walton Center?
NY chick: The what?
Guy with thick accent: The Walton Center.
NY chick: Do you know what street it's on?
Guy with thick accent: No, no. You know, the Walton Center.
NY chick: I'm sorry, I don't know where that is.
Guy with thick accent: The Walton Center! The buildings, they fall, they fall!
NY chick: You mean the World Trade Center?
Guy with thick accent: Yes!
NY chick: Fulton Street and fuck you.
–Uptown 5 Train
Tourist lady: Can I get an all day subway pass?
Token booth guy: Sure, $7.
Tourist lady: How long will that last?
–Times Square station
Overheard by: Jeff McCrum
College guy to friends: Where does the z train go?
Friend #1: Never heard of it before.
Friend #2: It's probably that train in the third Matrix movie.
–Canal St
Overheard by: justin
Guy to girl with afro crossing the street: Hey gorgeous! Gorgeous! Let me massage your kinky tips!
–8th Ave & W 4th
Comedy club promoter to hot girl: Hi, do you like comedy? (girl keeps walking) Okay, do you like skinny white guys then?
–42nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Galina
Young boy reading aloud in halting monotone: I like that outfit. It would look great crumpled up on my bedroom floor tomorrow morning. You have 206 bones in your body, want one more?
–Borders, Kips Bay
Overheard by: Emily
Fat white guy in Mets jersey to hot blonde: Hello, my name is Tom and I'm horny. (blonde keeps walking)
–Lexington & 50th
Black man to female passerby: S'cuse me miss… Not to seem rude, but to be honest…for a white girl, you got a nice butt.
–5th Ave
Conductor on PA: Ladies and gentlemen, this last weekend I went to a club…never again. I walked in, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. I saw a beautiful lady across the bar, went up to her and said, "Where have you been all my life?" She said back to me "I think for the first half of your life, I wasn't born." This is 59th, Columbus circle, have a good day, ladies and gentlemen.
–A Train
Tourist: Hey look, it's 42nd Street! They named it after a Broadway show.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Really? REALLY!?!
Tourist dad, as shuttle to Grand Central comes in: No! We need to take the purple to Grand Central Station, then the green!
–Times Square Shuttle Platform
Overheard by: D-Law
Male tourist, watching stranger propose underneath Christmas tree: Hey buddy, did you go to Jared?
–Rockefeller Center
Southern tourist lady, as subway stops: Oh no, I think the train ran out of gas!
–F Train
Overheard by: Matt
Southern tourist: I guess the birds ate all the hands off the statues.
–The Cloisters, Harlem
Overheard by: M@
Straight girl: Oooohhh, you know who has the best tits? Isabella Rossellini. Great, great tits.
Gay guy: Oh, you're right! I didn't even think of her.
Straight girl: I don't know how someone her age can have tits that great.
Gay guy: Yeah, if your tits are half that good when you turn her age, you should die a happy woman.
Lesbian: Dear god, why are we talking about Isabella Rossellini's tits on the subway? For that matter, why are we talking about them anywhere?!
–N Train
Conductor: Attention, ladies and gentlemen on the platform. Yes, this is a C train. If you are waiting for the F train you have gots to get on this train, no ifs, ands or buts about it. Just get on this train, and we will discuss it as we roll.
–C train
Man on cell: Yo Hamster! Oh, hey Tomato, whats goin’ on?
–Bx12 bus
Overheard by: Courtney C
Girl on cell: I swear it had to be 8 or 9 inches long…yeah I know, I was shocked. It was the biggest damned cockroach I have ever seen…yes, a roach, what did you think I was talking about?
–Bx9 bus
Overheard by: ogie
Bus driver: Next stop 3rd Avenue. We’ll be arriving in a week to 10 days…Anyone want to get off here? That’ll be $50. Send me a check.
–M14D bus
Overheard by: Sherri
Conductor: Hey, no crying on the train! No crying on the train!
–1 train
Man: I make people cry, and you tickle them.
–Wall St
Girl: You’re making me wanna shed mad tears!
–Lower East Side
Mom to young daughter: I think Daddy cries because he cares.
–JFK
Drunk guy: Jim? Jim! I don’t think we can be friends anymore… I cried after the Super Bowl.
–Waverly & Broadway
Woman on cell: I call her at work sometimes, and I’m like ‘Hi, Beth,’ but I can’t hear her because she’s sobbing.
–22nd & Park
Overheard by: Champ
Tween: I made a babysitter cry once. She was so immature.
–Brooklyn-bound R train
