Teenage kid: How long have you been waiting for the bus?
Old lady: Since I was your age.
–Main St, Queens Blvd
Teenage kid: How long have you been waiting for the bus?
Old lady: Since I was your age.
–Main St, Queens Blvd
Yuppie mom: We’re never riding the subway again.
Little girl: Why?
Yuppie mom: Everyone keeps hitting you on the head.
Little girl: So? I love the subway.
Yuppie mom: Well, the subway doesn’t love you.
–Times Square
Middle aged black lady, giving subway directions: So what are you trying to get to on 42nd Street?
Group of teen girls: Home.
Lady: Homos?
Girls: Home!
Lady: Oh, I thought you said homos, I was gonna tell you to send them to church!
–Uptown F train
Man singing in soulful, beautiful voice: Uptown, nigggah! Uptown niggaaah! Uptown nigga. Uptown niggggah!
Man on other side of the subway, moments later: We going downtown, nigggah!
–F Train
Overheard by: Jay Bee
Conductor: Tickets, please. Oh, wow, is that a parrot?
Lady with parrot on her shoulder: Yes, it is. I take him out every mother's day to see my parents. He's on a leash, though, and won't make any noise.
Conductor: Okay, no problem. There's actually a cat in the next car and a dog in the one after that.
Parrot lady's kid: A cat in the next car?! Cats eat birds. One animal per car!
Conductor, deadpan: I've got bad news for you, kid–there's more animals on this car than just that parrot.
Casual observer, not looking up from his paper: Truer words have never been spoken.
–Metro North
Female customer: Does my ShopRite card work here?
Bored cashier: No, this is a Gristedes.
Customer: Well, I was just curious about their relationship.
Bored cashier: Like any good relationship, it's all about boundaries.
–Gristedes
Overheard by: bemused
Guy with thick accent: Where you get off to the Walton Center?
NY chick: The what?
Guy with thick accent: The Walton Center.
NY chick: Do you know what street it's on?
Guy with thick accent: No, no. You know, the Walton Center.
NY chick: I'm sorry, I don't know where that is.
Guy with thick accent: The Walton Center! The buildings, they fall, they fall!
NY chick: You mean the World Trade Center?
Guy with thick accent: Yes!
NY chick: Fulton Street and fuck you.
–Uptown 5 Train
Tourist lady: Can I get an all day subway pass?
Token booth guy: Sure, $7.
Tourist lady: How long will that last?
–Times Square station
Overheard by: Jeff McCrum
College guy to friends: Where does the z train go?
Friend #1: Never heard of it before.
Friend #2: It's probably that train in the third Matrix movie.
–Canal St
Overheard by: justin
Guy to girl with afro crossing the street: Hey gorgeous! Gorgeous! Let me massage your kinky tips!
–8th Ave & W 4th
Comedy club promoter to hot girl: Hi, do you like comedy? (girl keeps walking) Okay, do you like skinny white guys then?
–42nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Galina
Young boy reading aloud in halting monotone: I like that outfit. It would look great crumpled up on my bedroom floor tomorrow morning. You have 206 bones in your body, want one more?
–Borders, Kips Bay
Overheard by: Emily
Fat white guy in Mets jersey to hot blonde: Hello, my name is Tom and I'm horny. (blonde keeps walking)
–Lexington & 50th
Black man to female passerby: S'cuse me miss… Not to seem rude, but to be honest…for a white girl, you got a nice butt.
–5th Ave
Conductor on PA: Ladies and gentlemen, this last weekend I went to a club…never again. I walked in, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. I saw a beautiful lady across the bar, went up to her and said, "Where have you been all my life?" She said back to me "I think for the first half of your life, I wasn't born." This is 59th, Columbus circle, have a good day, ladies and gentlemen.
–A Train
