Clap If You Believe in Wednesday One-Liners

Grad student chick: Yoda is not a relative. He’s little and green.

–NYU

12-year-old boy: I’m in a grey area right now as to whether Santa exists or not. I need more evidence.

–E 20th St

Overheard by: Dia

Customer to cashier: Frodo, it’s been real.

–Barnes & Noble, 18th & 5th

Overheard by: I Am McLovey

Thug: You know what, nigga? I think all them zombies are racist mothafuckahs. You notice they always eat the brotha first? What are we, covered in mothafuckin’ chocolate? Do I look like a fondue fountain? That’s some bullshit.

–189th & Bathgate

Overheard by: Lyle

Hobo, in false British accent: Of all the dimensions in the universe, I had to end up in this one! New York — filthy, dirty, grimy. Greatest city in the world? Bah! I could have been fighting dragons with Merlin, but no! I had to end up here!

–6 train

Posted on February 20, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Books & Writing, Crazy, Customers, Gripes, Hobos, Holidays, Kids, Movies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, NYU, On the Subway, Philosophy, Race, Staten Island, Store, Students, Thugs, Time

Well, They Are Crackers

Dark-skinned immigrant: I had oral sex with two white women. My first time with white women.
Friend: How was it?
Dark-skinned immigrant: Ummm… Salty.

–Supreme Court, Bronx

Overheard by: Big Larry

Posted on February 4, 2008
Eating Out, Foreigners, Race, The Bronx

Whenever He’s Right, I Have to Be the Bottom

Queer #1: My friend wants to know where you are from.
Queer #2: I’m from Thailand.
Queer #1, disappointed: Oh… My friend thought you were Asian.

–Chelsea

Overheard by: Kenzi

Posted on February 3, 2008
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Queer guys, Race

Wednesday One-Liners Are Really Fucking Sorry about Slavery, Okay?

20-ish white girl to friends: Guys, sometimes I just feel like the only white girl in the city…

–Fulton St

Overheard by: other white girls

Hobo peering in from sidewalk: Ain’t nothin’ but white people all up in this motherfucker! This shit is racist, yo!

–Garden of Eden, 107th & Broadway

Overheard by: Bubby

Black girl on cell: He fucked a white girl? He fucked a white girl?! How stupid is he? You know if you fuck a white girl you gotta get her consent and then sign a contract!

–PATH platform

Angry black traveler on cell: Do you know how long it takes me to get to JFK from my place?! I’m surrounded by crackers! I. Do. Not. Want. To. Be. Here. Crackers all starin’ at me… I dunno what they’re lookin’ at.

–JFK

Overheard by: Not A Cracker But Staring Anyway

Old white guy at Cirque du Soleil show, to daughter: Is this primarily a white thing? I guess that’s why I don’t like this show. I’ve got too much soul for this.

–Madison Square Garden

Drunk black lesbian: I am not racist in any way. I believe that it’s something that’s taught and passed down from your parents. I am not a racist… but what’s up with white people?!

–D train

Posted on January 30, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Black People, Drunks, Girls, Gripes, Hobos, JFK Airport, Lesbians, Madison Square Garden, Old People, On Cell, Race, Sex & Relationships, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Theater & Dance, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, White People

That’s the Beginning?

Guy: Excuse me, I wanted to know if any black women would go out with me. If I were the last man on Earth, would you go out with me? [Black lady does not respond.] What if there were 20 minutes until the end of the world? [Still no response, so guy addresses another lady.] What about you? Would you go out with me?
Woman: What’s the point?
Guy: Alright, let’s start from the beginning… [Holding up gallon of apple juice] I have some apple juice — will you split it with me?

–Union Square station

Posted on January 29, 2008
Black People, Dating, Guys, Offers and requests, Questions, Race, Train Station, Women

Eventually, Oprah Would Come to Heed Her Father’s Words

Father: You’re white.
Daughter: No, no, no, no, no!

–Brooklyn-bound R train

Overheard by: evanescent

Posted on January 5, 2008
Dads, On the Subway, Race

Both M.L. and Rodney King Dreamed of This Moment

Black girls in SUV: What’s up, my white girls?!
White girls on corner: Wooo!

–Grand Army Plaza

Overheard by: megan

Posted on December 8, 2007
Girls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Race

What’s with All the Racist Dogs?

Black guy #1: Dude, humans got all sorts of unique smells and shit.
Black guy #2: Man, that’s why dogs love white people.

–Marcus Garvey Park

Posted on November 29, 2007
Black People, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Race

You, Sir, Are Not Helping

Black comedy show peddler: Do you like comedy?
White teen girl: No, thanks. I’m not interested.
Black comedy show peddler: Well, that’s ’cause you’re afraid of black people!

–42nd & 7th

Overheard by: Caitlin

Posted on November 6, 2007
Flyer people, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Race

Is That Mayonnaise in Your Coffee?

Middle-aged white lady: What are you trying to do? You are so rude! I can’t believe you! I am going to get you fired!
Clerk: [Silence.]Middle-aged white lady, to entire line: Can you believe these people? They are so rude! I can’t believe they are trying to short me my coffee! It’s unbelievable!
Young black man: Stop being so white.

–Dunkin’ Donuts, Atlantic & 4th, Brooklyn

Posted on November 4, 2007
Brooklyn, Customers, Gripes, Race

Race

What’s with All the Racist Dogs?