Wednesdays Get a Headache Without Their One-Liners

Barista: Basically someone bought a coffee Friday, came back Monday and said it's cold. Um, yeah. It's three days later.

–Starbucks, Canal & Broadway

Overheard by: Kaitlen

Woman, walking out of Starbucks empty-handed: Well, at least now we know where we can get coffee. You know, in the morning?

–Starbucks, Times Square

Overheard by: David Landfair

NYU student to coffee cart man: Can I get a venti-large coffee?

–Greene St & Washington Place, The Village

Overheard by: Jane

Male coworker: I was just going to turn water into coffee, like they do in the bible.

–Broadway

Hyper five-year-old to mom: Hey look, Starbucks. Let's go to Starbucks. Starbucks! Coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee, coffee!

–Astor Place

Overheard by: Juxie

Mother to hysterical baby in stroller: What do you want, huh? Coffee and a cigarette?

–Outside Bloomingdale's

Overheard by: kteezy

Posted on April 15, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Baristas, Books & Writing, Clerks, Coffee, Compare/Contrast, Jesus, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, One-liners, Should've Used a Condom, Smoking, Soho, Starbucks, Store, Street, Students, The Village, Time, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Who Calls Their Doormen “1” and “2”?

Four-year-old: Doorman 1 is fat.
Mom: No he's not. Who said that?
Four-year-old: Doorman 2.
Mom: Well, doorman 2 is wrong. Doorman 1 is just a bigger guy. He's just bigger than doorman 2. He's not fat.
Four-year-old: Yes he is.
Mom: No he's not. Who are you going to believe, me or doorman 2?
Four-year-old: Doorman 2.

–Riverside Drive

Posted on April 5, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Kids, Moms, Parents, Physical appearance, Should've Used a Condom, Street

And I Told You Not to Wear All Brown

Little kid to passerby: Poop! Bye bye, poopie!
Obnoxious girl, stopping in middle of street and glaring at kid: Did she just call me a poop? What the hell!
Girl's friend: “Poopie,” not poop.

–Little Italy

Posted on March 31, 2009
Friends, Girls, Insults, Kids, Little Italy, Poop, Should've Used a Condom, Words

Recession What?

Two-year-old boy: Do you want to see my BlackBerry?
Babysitter: You have a BlackBerry?
Two-year-old boy: Yeah! I have a BlackBerry!

–Lincoln Center

Posted on March 31, 2009
Blackberry, Girls, Kids, Questions, Should've Used a Condom, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wishes & desires

A Beautiful Story Of the Triumph Of the Human Spirit

Boy, locked in train bathroom: Mommy, I can't get out!
Mom, trying not to laugh: Sweetie, it's okay, you just need to undo the lock.
Boy: I can't breathe!
(car erupts into laughter, followed by applause once he makes it out)

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Gavin

Posted on March 28, 2009
Boys, Laughter, Moms, Parents, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Should've Used a Condom

Wednesday One-Liners Are Up Shit's Creek

Three-year-old boy, refusing to get in stroller: Shit! Shit! Shit, mommy! Shit!

–Chelsea Market

Overheard by: Sarah

Young boy, yelling after hearing Jesus freaks preach: What a bunch of shit that is!

–7th Ave & 33rd St

Overheard by: Colleen

Hobo drinking Red Bull: This is Red Bull shit!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: RevolutionSuzi

30-something lady on cell: I'm gonna be shitting my brains out later.

–Astoria

Seasoned-looking guy, watching hobo pee in the middle of a subway car: I ain't never seen that shit before. That shit is brand new!

–4 Train

Overheard by: i will be traumatized forever

Menacing black woman on phone: I'mma go home and shit on my girlfriend's China.

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: Penelope

Posted on March 25, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Black People, Body Parts, Boys, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, College, Drinks, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Hobos, Home, Sweet Home, Insults, Kids, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Pee, Penn Station, Poop, Religion, Should've Used a Condom, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

What Happens When You Give Your Kid a Book About the Digestive System

Mom, handing toddler a treat: Now what do you say?
Son: Poopy!

–1 Train

Posted on March 8, 2009
Kids, Moms, On the Subway, Poop, Questions, Should've Used a Condom

Fine, I'm Pee-Shy, Okay?

Little girl in stall with her mother: Are you going to go?
Mother: No.
Little girl: You aren't going to go?
Mother: No.
Little girl: You aren't going to go?
Mother: No, I don't have to go.
Little girl: But you said you had to go!
Mother: I changed my mind.
Little girl: That's not something you can change your mind about!

–Ladies' Room, Saks Fifth Avenue

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Posted on February 28, 2009
Family Ties, Kids, Moms, Pee, Questions, Should've Used a Condom, Store

Wednesday One-Liners Grow Up Faster in the City

Little girl to woman walking by: Oh, look–another person, sooooo interesting. It's not like we haven't seen enough of those today.

–D'Agnostino's, Greenwich & Barrow

Overheard by: Margo

Boy walking in church to mom: And when we walk in we'll hear Gregorian chants.

–Trinity Church

Four-year-old boy, after plane's smooth landing: Whoa, that was solid!

–JFK Airport

Overheard by: jen

Kid at birthday party: I thought they were feeding us ice cream, not shit!

–McDonald's, Bayside

Adorable child having a temper tantrum: I don't want to walk, I want to go in the stroller!
(mother ignores him) I'm melting… I'm meeelllting!

–New York Transit Museum

Overheard by: NatalyaPetrovna

Posted on February 25, 2009
Airports, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Church, Compare/Contrast, Food, Glad the Condom Broke, JFK Airport, Kids, Moms, More museums, One-liners, Restaurants & Cafes, Should've Used a Condom, Singing, The Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Yet You Won't Even Obey the White Man When It's Time to Cross the Street?

White woman with two kids: Oh my god! Look! These lollipops are designed to look like the faces of little white children!
Asian woman: Yeah–they're made of molded chocolate.
White woman: I love Asian grocery stores!
White woman's kid: Mommy, mommy! Can I have it? I want to eat the white child!

–New Kam Man, Canal St

Overheard by: office peon can be wary of white people

Posted on February 24, 2009
Asians, Body Parts, Chinatown, Compare/Contrast, Ethnic Food, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, Race, Should've Used a Condom, White People, Wishes & desires, Women

Should’ve Used a Condom