Skinny People

Wednesday Doesn’t Eat Enough to Keep a One‐Liner Alive

Skinny professor: John* [a chubby professor] and I started Weight Watchers together at the same time!

–Hostos Faculty Dining Room

Overheard by: glad she’s leaving

Skinny girl to clerk: Hi, do you have a soy‐based, non‐dairy substitute for heavy cream?

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Overheard by: office peon loves Thanksgiving food

Girl ordering Coffee Coolatta with skim milk: I hope this tastes as good as it did when I was anorexic. Everything tasted good back then…

–Dunkin Donuts, Bay Ridge

Overheard by: allison

Jewish grandmotherly type: Women with anorexia seem to have such strange eating habits.

–Upper West Side

Anorexic‐looking girl: I want a tic tac. I’m hungry.

–95th & 2nd

So They Broke into a Chorus of “Food, Glorious Food” and Split a Tic Tac

Skinny girl: I’m hungry.
Friend: Same here. I want dinner. I want a salad.
Skinny girl: You want, like, a whole meal.

–N train, Times Square

You, for Example, Are No Fucking Fun at All

Skinny girl: Overweight people have the best sense of humor. Skinny people–
Fat girl: –They’re not funny.
Skinny girl: I don’t know what it is about being fat.

–Alumni Hall elevator, NYU

Overheard by: zelda

That’s Britney’s Plan

Fat hipster: Yeah, then I would get fat and evil.
Skinny punkster: True, but that’s how you get laid.

–Bryant Park

What a Drip

Fat guy: So, you think she’s going to dump you?
Skinny guy: Yeah, she doesn’t seem to like the gonorrhea. It just keeps coming back!
Fat guy: Well, that’s the thing with gonorrhea.

–Walgreens, 18th & 1st

Overheard by: Trying Not To Laugh

From The Wizard Of Oz! The Wizard Of Oz!

Ugly skinny girl: I swear to god, if you compare us to The Golden Girls one more time, we’re not friends anymore.
Cute fat girl: Okay, fine. (pause) God you can be such a Dorothy sometimes.

–54th & 5th

Women Take a Stand on Wednesday One‐liners

Petite woman: Just because you are taller doesn’t mean you are stronger. I have more power in my finger than that broad! One flick from me and she’d be on her ass! 

–43rd & 6th

Guy on cell: I’ve got the dogs. I’ve got your mother’s latte. I’ve got your cappuccino, and I’m willing to go back for a movie but you’ve got to drive me…Hello? Hello? 

–Park Slope

Overheard by: amb 

Chick: My boss never actually reads her e‑mail. I forwarded her a message with someone’s address, but she only read the first line and responded “Where’s the address”? I mean, scroll down bitch! Jeeeeez.

–Maiden Lane

Overheard by: J 

Yoga instructor: I am totally never going back to Dop Dop again. They kept telling people I’m really a brunette.

–Equinox, 50th Street

Girl: And you know what? After having a few accidents, I just decided to wear pads, to let it flow naturally. 

–College of Staten Island

Overheard by: Dr. Ballon 

Woman on cell: So she says to me, “Oh, you’re so interesting”, and I’m like, “Fuck you, you fucking cunt.”

–57th & 5th

Overheard by: Heather

I Was Just Being Agreeable

Overweight girl: Well, he obviously liked being fucked by me.
Skinny girl: It’s cause you’re fat.
Overweight girl: He did say he liked big girls. Whatever, I’m over him.
Skinny girl: Yeah, his dick was little anyways.
Overweight girl: And you know this… how?!

–SoHo

Overheard by: Katelyn Jones

It sure ain’t muscle

Old Lady: And then she said she didn’t like him because he was too fat. She wanted to date someone skinnier. You know, like you?
Old Man: I’m skinny?
Old Lady: Of course.
Old Man: Then what’s this hanging off of me?

–Brighton Beach

You Need Better Time Management Skills

Big black guy on bike: Yeah…it’ll be a smokey party.
Skinny black guy: Yo…this school shit is whack – I got an ounce to smoke through, but I’ve been so busy with school… I mean, yesterday I only smoked three blunts.
Big black guy on bike: Ooooh, son. Ouch.

–Broadway & Washington Place

Overheard by: Sydney m

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