Guy from Michigan: That stripper robbed me.
Cop: How so?
Guy from Michigan: She said if I gave her $150 she would jerk me off. I payed her the $150 and she didn’t do it. I want her arrested.
Cop: Is everyone from Michigan an asshole or just you?
–Show World
Drunk woman: I won’t sleep with people when I’m drunk. I’m not like that. I get drunk and I punch people in the face… I’m totally against infidelity. I can’t deal with that. I mean, I’ve been caught cheating lots of times, and it totally sucks.
–44th & 8th
Overheard by: Caitlin
Guy: So, he’s pissed off because he’s dating this fucking hot stripper — she’s, like, West of freaky — and he can’t tell anybody because they’re all friends with his fiancé and would tell her.
–Brooklyn-bound D train, Atlantic Ave stop
Overheard by: just visiting
Girl on cell: Sorry, I’m on my way to the airport. It was either go to Michigan or cheat on my boyfriend… No, I’m going to Michigan.
–125th & Broadway
Overheard by: Cat Darcy
German girl, after breaking kiss with another chick: Don’t worry about my husband too much…
–Frost St, Greenpoint
Overheard by: jayloo
Black man on cell: … So I put my hand between her legs… Nah, she wasn’t wearing any panties… She’s mad cool, but she’s married…
–Q46 bus
Overheard by: Izabela
Ghetto mama: … And I said to her, ‘No, I did not fuck yo’ husband. But I did let him eat my pussy!’
–Nostrand Ave
Overheard by: Kris S.
Father to son: Well, I guess she’ll just have to become a stripper…
–Times Square
Overheard by: Lezbitron
Girl on phone: I guess we should go ahead with the strippers and do it.
–Whole Foods, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: MG
Middle-aged woman: I don’t know. I mean, can you put a 20 in the G-string?
–Metro-North, Harlem Line
Frat boy: Hey, man, belly dancers ain’t strippers. I learned that the hard way.
–AMC Theaters, Lincoln Center
Girl to pal: Well, where do you want your ashes spread? A strip club?
–12th & 3rd
Overheard by: Talia
Law student, about class: Man, I just wish they didn’t give it a sexy title like ‘International Cartel Enforcement’ and then have it turn out to be about how many copies of a paper to file.
Friend: Yeah, man. That’s like going into a strip club and finding out that it’s dudes stripping.
–Fordham Law School
Angry girl: What do you mean you didn’t fuck up?
Boyfriend: I didn’t fuck up!
Angry girl: You got a stripper pregnant! You fucked up!
–Sandwich shop, Bleecker
Overheard by: Catie
Korean girl: I just can’t stand it when they have an Asian fetish. Grosses me out.
Suit: Well, maybe you should stop being a stripper.
–46th & 10th
Overheard by: Chris
Suit on cell: Like, she’s not a masseuse and she’s not a stripper, you know what I mean? I want her to be, but she’s not… I can always go to a masseuse parlor or a strip club, you know what I mean?
–110th, between Broadway & Amsterdam
Hobo: Anyone got some change? Or some food? Anyone? Does anyone have anything they want to help me out with? I’m jobless and times are hard… Damn, I knew I should’ve been a stripper, but I’m just not that kind of guy, you know?
–Fulton-bound A train
Flash Dancers employee handing out flyers: Hey, you like girls? You like girls? No? You like guys? We got guys… [whispers] but you gotta go in the back door.
–Outside Flash Dancers, 52nd & Broadway
Overheard by: not going in any door
Flyer dude: Female strippers! With STDs!
–48th & 7th
Dude on cell: I was a male stripper for the two years I was a youth pastor.
–N train
Lady passenger to cabbie: I teach kindergarteners and I strip!
–12th & 3rd
Overheard by: Matty K
Guy: What’s so funny? Vagina? I’m not scared to say ‘vagina,’ watch: Vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina!
–Grand Army Plaza
Columbia student: Do strippers use their vaginas?
–Massawa Ethiopian, 120th & Amsterdam
Girl wearing jerz shirt: Guys, if I zipped my pussy, of course I would tell you.
–27th St
Middle school boy to another: Do you know what a ‘cunt’ is? It’s a pussy. [Pause] You should know that, it’s Jamaican.
–B69 bus
Overheard by: Bilingual
Guy standing in pile of luggage outside women’s restroom: Man, I’m glad my vagina’s not with me today.
–Grand Central Station
Overheard by: A Vagina
Dude #1: We went to a strip club for his birthday.
Dude #2: Cool.
Dude #1: He was bragging that the stripper kissed him, but she made him sick!
Dude #2: Not cool.
Dude #1: Now he has mono and feels like he’s going to die.
–58th & Columbus
Overheard by: finished lunch anyway
Headline by: mannadew
Runners-Up:
· “Best-Case Scenario Survival Handbook” – Keith Campbell
· “For the Man Who Has Had Everything” – Eric
· “Her day-job was a Karma Policewoman.” – Jehan
· “I’m thinking Christian Slater for the movie..” – yanick massicotte
· “Laser Tag Never Sounded Better” – Ned
· “Maybe the Nurse Will Strip For Him” – Trey Jackson
· “Not as bad as when I got Stigmata after a lap dance from Rachel Dratch” – Tourist #8
· “Not Everything Stays in Vegas” – miaka mouse
· “Now He’s Bragging That He Didn’t Get Herpes.” – Katie
