Deli guy (to another deli guy): He’s got a shrimp salad sandwich too. Here, I’ll mark the paper for you so you don’t get confused. I know your brain, it don’t work so good. Do you want me to write it in Mexican or in English?
Deli guy (to another deli guy): He’s got a shrimp salad sandwich too. Here, I’ll mark the paper for you so you don’t get confused. I know your brain, it don’t work so good. Do you want me to write it in Mexican or in English?
Hobo: When I point, everybody smell collard greens.
–6 train
Young woman #1: Guys never want to eat me out.
Middle-aged dad with kids: Hey, we’re trying to eat over here.
Young woman #1: See, even hearing about it freaks them out.
Young man at next table: Maybe I can take a look for you and give you my assessment.
Middle-aged dad with kids: For God’s sake, this is a family restaurant!
Young woman #2: You have a very controversial vagina.
–Mickey D’s, Times Square
Guy: So…after she says that, I said, “Who would have ever thought to just cook lettuce?”
Girl: Woooooooooow.
–Bedford Street off Bleecker
Girl #1: …but I mean, it would have been so cute if we had gotten pregnant at the same time…
Girl #2: Yeah, i’m kinda bummed…
Girl #1: We would totally get our abortions together!
Girl #2: Oh my god, we would!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Penelope Galleon
Woman: My sister had a kidney removed when she was 9, and she still uses it.
–Dojo, W 4th St.
Guy: Yeah, the only reason I have kids is that, if I ever need it, I know there’s a compatible kidney around.
–33rd & 8th
Overheard by: kjsilopanna
Girl #1: I have the best view of the Hudson River from my bedroom window.
Girl #2: Oh, did you move to the West Side?
Girl #1: Um, no. I still live on the East Side.
Girl #2: You mean the East River?
Girl #1: Whatever, you’re not invited.
–University & 10th
Guy: Your copy machine is out of cards.
Store dude: Yes, I’m sorry.
Guy: Can I just pay you to make copies?
Store dude: It’s out of cards, I have no way to make it work.
Guy: Can I use this one?
Store dude: That one’s just for color copies. Sorry, I don’t make the rules.
Guy: You sound like a real loser.
Store dude: And yet, I’m about to complete my objective–which is to tell you to fuck off–while you still don’t have your copies.
–Internet Garage, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Everclear
Man: It’s Al Hirschfeld, a famous artist.
Woman: Oh yeah. You don’t see a lot of his work anymore.
Man: Yeah, ’cause he’s dead.
–63rd & Madison
Overheard by: Christy Ann Coppola
Yuppie: Do you think my neighborhood is sketchy, too?
Friend #1: Well, the part where you walk past the abandoned warehouse *is* sketchy.
Yuppie: They're building an addition. In six months, abandoned no more.
Friend #2: I hear DUMBO is hot right now.
Yuppie: You know, whenever I tell anybody I live in DUMBO, it's like that movie Zoolander, whenever Hansel comes in and they all go, “oh, Hansel's hot now.”
–High Street Train Station
