[Teenage girl spills water and it soaks guy’s pants.]Wet pants boy: My pants are wet!
Girl: Well, what did you expect from me?
Wet pants boy: Not to get my pants soaking wet, that’s what!
–Diner, Upper East Side
[Teenage girl spills water and it soaks guy’s pants.]Wet pants boy: My pants are wet!
Girl: Well, what did you expect from me?
Wet pants boy: Not to get my pants soaking wet, that’s what!
–Diner, Upper East Side
Boy at German bar: There’s too many Germans in Pittsburgh.
Girl at German bar: That’s why there aren’t any Jews!
–6th & D
Male cashier: “WI”? Which state is “WI”?
Female cashier: West Indies?
Male cashier: Okay. That makes sense.
Female cashier: No, wait, is it Wisconsin? Ha, it’s totally Wisconsin.
Male cashier: Who cares, they’re both really far away. Isn’t Wisconsin on, like, the other side of the world?
Female cashier: No, dummy, Wisconsin is in this country.
Male cashier: Oh. I was never good at geography.
–Met Foods, Prospect Heights
Daughter: Huh? I thought the Bronx was on the mainland.
Mother: You may be right.
Daughter: How do you not know?! You lived there!
Mother: Things have change since then.
–LIRR
Girl: So, how many people do you share an apartment with right now?
Guy: Seventeen.
Girl: That’s cool!
–Lower East Side
Woman to another woman: It’s really the same thing. Like six and a half of another dozen.
–Times Square Subway Station
Overheard by: Billy
Black woman: He gets four weeks paid vacation! Four weeks! That’s like two months!
–34th & Broadway
Auntie someone: Yeah, my brother has like 18 kids and I ain’t even met like a hundred of ’em!
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ilysse Weisenfeld
Crazy man: I just decided to become a decimal point.
–3 Train
Overheard by: Cool, cuz im a period.
Delivery truck guy, counting boxes: 18 plus 20 equals 30, plus 22 is 42.
–Midwood, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Feliz Navidad
Girl on cell: Yeah, no. Five times eight is forty… I think… Well, hopefully, anyway.
–Waverly & Broadway
Overheard by: Kyla
Jewish girl: I think my family likes me because I will fulfill my potential to be a pompous ass.
–NYU Bobst Library
Thirty-something Hispanic woman: All my nephews are boys… All of them.
–Uptown 1 Train
Overheard by: Suze V
Girl on cell: Well then maybe you shouldn’t have fucked my sister!
–70 & Broadway
Girl on cell: …The half-Asian, half-Jewish guy. And she’s like: "My brother is so pissed at me!" and I’m like: "Of course he’s pissed, you’ve gotten with six of his friends."
–St. John’s University
Overheard by: Peter G
Guy: I’ve seen my sister-in law’s titties so many times…
–Yankee Stadium
Girl on cell: So the little girl at the wedding was like: "Are you guys brothers?" And I was like: "No, we fuck".
–24th St b/w 6th & 7th
Overheard by: Amy
Girl #1: I think I’m starving myself.
Girl #2: Me too!
–Leon M. Goldstein High School
Young woman #1: I don’t want to apply too many times though, because I don’t want to look desperate.
Young woman #2: Oh, how many times have you applied?
Young woman #1: None.
–Diner, 48th & Lexington
Overheard by: Visitor to NYC
