Dude #1: So, you know The Vagina Monologues are coming, right?
Dude #2: Yeah, are you going to get them in your studio?
Dude #1: Yeah, I’m hoping to get some recordings.
Dude #2: So, they really talk out their vaginas?
Dude #1: No, it’s like a play or something.
Dude #2: Oh, I thought they, like, spread their legs and… I mean, I thought it was hardcore.
Dude #1: No.
Dude #2: They should do that, though.
Dude #1: Yeah.
–Gym
Late-20s woman: Up until six months ago, I thought Europe was a country. I just didn’t know…
–6 train
Overheard by: 21 and knows better
Social butterfly: Williamsburg? Where is that? Pennsylvania?
–Broadway & Bond
Overheard by: the bfd
Dude: What? You’re not from Illinois, you’re from Chicago!
–Cheesecake Factory
Female tourist: Where’s Chicago, again? Oh, that’s here in New York, right?
–Outside Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: Genissimo
Astonished woman: Los Angeles is not a state!
–Outside Javits Center
Overheard by: Tara
Asian tourist chick: Is this considered the West coast?
–Max Brenner, Union Square
Blonde chick: Oh my god, so there’s this playwright who died, and they’re like, putting on a re-… re-… Well, like, whatever it’s called, they’re putting it on. They’re reading some lines. But anyway, like, her brother who, like, my dad like, used to work with — well, he’s dead, too. And I’m like, ‘Why are you hanging out with your girlfriend’s daughter when I’m your real daughter?’
Friend: Oh my god, you should totally bitch him out.
Blonde chick: Oh, I will.
–Elevator, NYU residence hall
Student: I mean, I’m really bad at Geography. Like, what state is that?
Professor: Long Island.
–NYU
Overheard by: Lizanne
Hispanic woman #1: … And he was all, ‘You’re not sick, it’s your diet.’
Hispanic woman #2: But you’re not on a diet.
Hispanic woman #1: No, no, he meant what I eat makes me sick. Then I told him when I’m sick I take NyQuil, and he said I can’t do that.
Hispanic woman #2: Why not?
Hispanic woman #1: Girl, he’s a Holocaust.
–34th & 8th
Overheard by: Lepidus
Water connoisseur: So, how did things go last night with… Ugh… What’s her name? Kate?
Friend: Seriously, dude, it was going so well, but then she did something really f-ing nasty.
Water connoisseur: Whaaa?
Friend: Dude, she put an unfiltered ice cube in my Brita water. She totally tainted the water. Dude, that’s just gross.
Water connoisseur: How do you know she didn’t filter the cubes?
Friend: Dude, you just can’t risk something like that…
–N train
Overheard by: Mikeyy
Frat boyfriend: Wait, 525,600 what? What was that about?
Girlfriend: Minutes, baby. It’s, like, how many minutes we have in our lives.
Frat boyfriend: Oh. [Two blocks later] Wait, 525,600 what? Minutes?
Girlfriend: Yes. Minutes.
–Nederlander Theatre, 41st & 7th
Frat boy #1: It’s so f-in’ cold in here.
Frat boy #2: Yeah, where’s the global warming when you need it?
–Subway restaurant near Wall St
Headline by: Dave Faith
Runners-Up:
· “Dubya’s College Years Were Ripe With Wit” – Katie
· “It’s Busy Killing Your Grandchildren” – bowloftoast
· “It’s Busy Melting the Pounds Off Jared” – David Bowers
· “It’s Truly Inconvenient” – Nicolbee
· “Just wait a few years and it’ll be wireless” – karl
Georgian tourist looking out window at Hasidic Jew: Oh, look at that man in the Abraham Lincoln costume!
–M1bus near Wall St
Overheard by: Nolan & Brandon
Mother to son: Basically, the Unitarians are the most Jewish of all the…
–91st & Broadway
Overheard by: Carol Elk
Potential student: What’s a Jesuit? A Jewish person?
–Fordham University, Rose Hill
Overheard by: Rachel Hoban
Guy on cell: He doesn’t even drink! He’s Jewish. Apparently Jews don’t drink.
–47th & 9th
Yenta on cell: Can you believe it? She’s planning to have quesadillas as her Passover meal!
–8th St & Hudson
Overheard by: Laughing Goy
Suit to another: Come on — I mean, we’re Jews. We can walk on water!
–20th & Park
Little boy to nanny: I should be a doctor when I grow up, because I’m Jewish. Or an acrobat…
–F train
Overheard by: LaLa
Girl #1: What did you get?
Girl #2: Just some blank CDs at Virgin.
Girl #1: Oh, really? Any good ones?
–Union Square
Headline by: mkb
Runners-Up:
· “And by blank CDs I mean ninja stars” – Circuit City Ginzu
· “I Hear That CD-R Is Going to Hit It Big Some Day” – Amanda
· “Someone Needs Her Neurons Popped” – adam a. n.
· “Yeah, This John Cage Anthology Fucking Rules” – t.a.m.s.y.
