Wednesday One-Liners for Young, Urban Professionals

Female yuppie: As a general rule of thumb, I think I should refrain from going to the Hustler Club with my male boss and co-workers from now on.

–Downtown C train

Overheard by: amused passenger

Yuppie: It was the most intense Hava Nagilah I’d ever seen.

–43rd & Lex

Yuppie, examining the New York Public Library: Wow, that library is such a waste of real estate!

–42nd & 5th Avenue

Overheard by: Reader Rabbit

Emo Girl to friend: Oh I love Whole Foods, its like Wal-Mart for Yuppies.

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Overheard by: Addie Wagenknecht

Yuppie, to McDonald’s cashier: Do you have French vanilla capuccino?

–McDonald’s, 34th & 10th

Posted on December 28, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Coffee, Money & Class, Strippers, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Yuppies

Just a Little Bit Of Wednesday One-Liner Repeating

Mother to child in front of diorama of pilgrims and Native Americans: Well, that's because the Indians never met real people before.

–Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: Peter R.

Young girl, arriving through train tunnel at Grand Central Station: I wonder if Harriet Tubman is down here.

–Grand Central Station

Airhead: I think like… Colonialization is like… The umbrella theme of, like… Diplomacy.

–Pommes Frites

History teacher, about Andrew Jackson: He tight, he kill mad people, he buggin'.

–High School

Teacher, discussing Thomas Jefferson's mistress: You see, guys? History is exciting! It's full of sex!

–High School, Lower Manhattan

Overheard by: SzN31

Posted on December 27, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Classroom, Compare/Contrast, Fast Times at New York High, Girls, Grand Central, History & Geography, Idiots, Kids, Lower Manhattan, Moms, Murder, Museum of Natural History, One-liners, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Sex, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Train Station, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Technically, It is Literally “Like” a Month

Professor guy: Okay everyone, I will see you in 3 weeks. Have a good Thanksgiving!
Girl #1: 3 weeks, that’s awesome!
Girl #2: I know…3 weeks, that’s like a month!!
Girl #1: Literally.

–Meyer Hall, Washington Place

Overheard by: pieces

Posted on December 27, 2015
Academics, College, Education, Girls, Holidays, Manhattan, Students, Stupidity

Blackout Fun

Hysterical Man: The bridge is swinging! Everybody get off the bridge!
Reasonable Man: It’s supposed to swing! This is a suspension bridge!

–Brooklyn Bridge

Posted on December 26, 2015
Brooklyn, Crazies, Stupidity

A Valiant Knight on a Mapquest

Guy: Do you go to FDU?
Girl: No, I got to Hunter. It’s in Manhattan; have you heard of it?
Guy: No, but where is it?
Girl: Do you know the city?
Guy: Of course!
Girl: 68th and Lexington.
Guy: That’s near the Village, right?
Girl: No, it’s on the Upper East Side.
Guy: Oh. Well, I usually hang out in the Village. Down by Avenue A and Avenue B.
Girl: Um.

–A train

Overheard by: Brown Eyed Girl

Posted on December 23, 2015
College, Directions, Hunter, Idiots, NYC Geography, On the Subway, Stupidity

This Just In: Jackson Daughter’s Move to Iran Has Unintended Consequences

Preppy girl: So, like, Salman Rushdie had to move to America because that guy issued this fatwa thing against him.
Hipster guy: You mean the Ayatollah?
Preppy girl: I think it’s pronounced “aya-toy-a.”
Hipster guy: Ummm…Yeah, if he were Spanish!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: not an Ivy-Leaguer

Posted on December 23, 2015
About Celebrities, Books & Writing, Columbia (& Barnard), Girls, Global Geography, Guys, Hipsters, Idiots, Languages, Politics, Preppies, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Threats

Oh, Sorry! I’ll Just Go Fuck Myself Now

30-ish white lady: You’re doing push-ups?
20-ish Asian girl, taking off headphones: Yes…
30-ish white lady: Why?
20-ish Asian girl: Um…
30-ish white lady: Do you do karate or Tae Kwon Do?
20-ish Asian girl: No…
30-ish white lady: But you’re Asian.
20-ish Asian girl: Yeah…
30-ish white lady: Why don’t you do Asian sports?
20-ish Asian girl: What?!
30-ish white lady: Have you always stuck with American sports or have you ever tried anything Asian?
20-ish Asian girl: What?
30-ish white lady: Where are you from?
20-ish Asian girl: Manhattan. [Puts headphones back on.]

–New York Sports Club, Crowne Plaza

Posted on December 23, 2015
Asians, Gyms, Questions, Stupidity, White People

Before AD 1, It Was Burgers Or Nothing

Little girl: Mommy, look at the fishes!
Mother: You know where all these creatures come from?
Girl: Jesus?
Mother: You betcha.

–New York Aquarium, Coney Island

Overheard by: Swear I’m not listening…

Posted on December 21, 2015
Animals & Nature, Christians, Coney Island, Girls, God Squad, Jesus, Kids, Moms, Stupidity

The Offended Party Sued for Mao Practice

Professor: And what was the issue in this case?
Law student: The company was displaying won-ton negligence.
Professor: Okay, good, but some people pronounce it ‘wanton.’

–Brooklyn Law School

Posted on December 20, 2015
Brooklyn, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Words

“Do you hail the horse or the driver?”

Tourist woman #1: Where is 5th Avenue?
Tourist woman #2: Oh, we won’t get there until we actually get a cab to New York.

–94th & Lexington

Overheard by: Joe Frankie

Posted on December 18, 2015
Directions, NYC Geography, Stupidity, Tourists, Upper East Side

Stupidity