Big latina: I want to get to the gym more often.
Bigger latina: Yeah, I need to get around to that, too.
Big latina: The problem is, though, my man tells me he don’t want to go to the gym. He said he likes my weight right now and I shouldn’t lose any.
Bigger latina: He right.
–Dunkin’ Donuts, Queens
SUNY purchase student #1: My fucking head hurts.
SUNY purchase student #2 pulling out bag of white pills: Dude, take these pills. You’ll feel better.
SUNY purchase student #1: Uh… What are they?
SUNY purchase student #2: Uh, codeine I think? I don’t know. Yeah, I stole them from a kid at the party last night. He said he found them in a garbage can.
SUNY purchase student #1: Jesus, dude, no.
–Grand Central
Old black guy #1: You know who really has their shit together?
Old black guy #2: Who?
Old black guy #1: The Amish.
Old black guy #2: For sure.
–F train
Dude #1: I wonder why we’re here.
Dude #2: I tried to figure it out once…
Dude #1: And what did you find?
Dude #2: I found out that I’m probably gay.
–Wall St
Chinese customer: Hey, do you work here?
Chinese salesman: Yes.
Chinese customer: Okay, are you guys going to have the PlayStation Three when it comes out?
Chinese salesman: It comes out November 17th.
Chinese customer: I know — are you guys going to have it?
Chinese salesman: It comes out November 17th.
Chinese customer: Okay… I know that. Are you guys going to sell it?
Chinese salesman: I don’t know if we have pre-orders.
Chinese customer: So, are you going to sell it on November 17th?
Chinese salesman: Yes, yes, we sell on November 17th — first come, first serve.
Chinese customer walks away mumbling: Damn, man, learn some English.
–J&R Music, City Hall
Overheard by: Hugh
Black girl: My daddy says I can’t fight her because she’s pregnant.
Wigger chick: Her face ain’t pregnant, is it?
–Subway bathroom, 4th & 6th
Hipster guy, after hipster girl sneezes: Oh, God bless you.
Hipster girl: Don’t bless me.
Hipster guy: Fuck you, then.
–Fat Baby, Lower East Side
Overheard by: RoninTy
Thug skater #1: Man, how long you been skating?
Thug skater #2: As long as I been smokin’.
Thug skater #1: How long you been smokin’?
Thug skater #2: Man, I don’t know!
–12th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Laura
Frat boyfriend: Wait, 525,600 what? What was that about?
Girlfriend: Minutes, baby. It’s, like, how many minutes we have in our lives.
Frat boyfriend: Oh. [Two blocks later] Wait, 525,600 what? Minutes?
Girlfriend: Yes. Minutes.
–Nederlander Theatre, 41st & 7th
Girl looking at GRE study guide: I’m not very smart. I took a practice test the other day and didn’t do good.
Friend: ‘Well.’ You didn’t do well.
Girl: No, it’s ‘good.’ A person is ‘well’ — like, ‘I’m doing well,’ but a person can’t do something well, they do it good.
Friend: You’re wrong.
Girl: No, that’s how it is.
–Barnes & Noble, 5th Ave
