Teen girl #1: My teacher bought this awesome notebook for me.
Teen girl #2: Why?
Teen girl #1: ‘Cause she likes me.
Teen girl #2: Is she gay?
Teen girl #1: No. She’s Jewish.
–Mahattan-bound N/W Train
Teen girl #1: My teacher bought this awesome notebook for me.
Teen girl #2: Why?
Teen girl #1: ‘Cause she likes me.
Teen girl #2: Is she gay?
Teen girl #1: No. She’s Jewish.
–Mahattan-bound N/W Train
Teen boy: I couldn’t put it all the way in, though.
Teen girl: Ew, ew, ew.
Teen boy: I don’t know how they do that in pornos.
Teen girl: One second — are you gay?
Teen boy: Not really. Like, I’d totally do you.
Teen girl: You wish! Got Jake’s shit all over your dick. Ain’t no way.
–Smiling Pizza, 7th Ave, Park Slope
Headline by: Malingerer
Runners-Up:
· “Bi-curiousity killed the pussy” – Mojosaves
· “Have your jake and eat it too” – teensaredisgusting
· “He called ‘no homo'” – Jedipus
· “He probably couldn’t put it all the way in, because he’s not willing to come all the way out” – Ryan
· “Jake the German Shepherd was extra eager to meet his master that night.” – Adrenna
· “Methinks the lady doth protest too much” – assley
· “The Straw That Brokeback Mountain” – B
· “The shit washes off. The gay? Not so much.” – Sean
· “Then How ’bout a Dirty Sanchez?” – Hobo Whisperer
· “When the front door slams shut, sometimes the back door opens” – steve devan
· “You say tomato, I say hepatitis” – Mark Poepsel
Teen girl #1: Are you, like, anorexic now?
Teen girl #2: That is the nicest thing you ever said to me.
–66th & Columbus
Teen girl #1: Is it weird that I’m usually more horny when I’m on my period?
Teen girl #2: No. I am, too.
Teen girl #1: I mean, it’s really icky to masturbate, though, because blood and shit gets everywhere.
Woman on bicycle right behind them, trying to get past: Um, excuse me.
–Park Ave
Teen girl #1: So, I heard that this porn star had, like, lung cancer and had to, like, have part of her lung removed.
Teen girl #2: Damn, that sucks. Is she, like, always out of breath?
Teen girl #1: Yeah, and she, like, can’t talk that much either ’cause she can hardly breathe.
Teen girl #2: But isn’t she a porn star? When she like, you know, has an orgasm, how can she make those loud noises? Her career is so over.
Teen girl #1: Maybe she has a ventriloquist.
Teen girl #2: No way. That’d only work if she was a guy and it was gay porn, ’cause, I mean, who’s ever heard of a girl ventriloquist?
–Deli, 42nd St
Headline by: Emilio Lizardo
Runners-Up:
· “And They Called Her Howdy Pooty” – Sean
· “Charlie McCarthy Does Dallas!” – Mary Beth Hanlon
· “How many ‘likes’ does it take to get to another orgasm?” – Maggie Mae
· “I never knew smoking pole could cause lung cancer” – Matt T
· “If Helen Keller did porn” – Em
· “She’s Not Bad, But I Can See Her Lips Moving” – Dan
· “That’s not all she’s faking” – CoolPapaZ
· “Those screeching sounds come from her other set of lips” – Nick. D.
· “You know what else turns me on? Leprosy” – Steve
Mom with teen son: Doesn’t looking at that just make you proud to be an American?
Son: Yeah… except for the fact that the Chinese gave it to us.
–Statue of Liberty Ferry
Overheard by: Julia
Teen boy #1: Yo, we should go to the bellydancing tree-house today.
Teen boy #2: I hope you meant tryouts.
–Stuyvesant High School
Prep #1: I can’t believe he cheated on her! That sucks!
Prep #2: I know. It sucks so bad, it’s practically ridiculous. I can’t think of anything worse than that.
Hobo: I can! The Holocaust!
–42nd and Broadway
Teen boy: I know, all she does is complain about how none of her clothes fit her anymore.
Teen girl: Well, didn’t anyone warn her?
Teen boy: About what?
Teen girl: That when you are sixteen and pregnant, you get fat.
–Downtown 4 train
Blonde Teen: So I’m taking that religion class.
Brunette Teen: Oh yeah? The one where you read the Bible right?
Blonde teen: Yeah that one. And get this, we are about to start reading the Book of Proverbs.
Brunette Teen: Oh My God! I didn’t know the Bible had a grammar section.
Blonde Teen: Me neither!!
Brunette Teen: Oh man, I bet it totally tells you how to speak like God… Except properly, you know?
Blonde Teen: [Gasp] I bet it totally does.
Brunette Teen: Ugh! I wish I had taken that class.
–The Original Ray’s Pizza
