Russian thug #1: I need to see a psychiatrist, man.
Russian thug #2: Yeah?
Russian thug #1: Yeah, yeah, I need to get my head checked out.
Russian thug #2: You need to get your ass checked out.
Russian thug #1: What? My ass?
Russian thug #2: Yeah, you need your ass checked.
Russian thug #1: What?
–F train
Gangsta: What was I saying?
Super preppie, impatiently: So you were in the handcuffs…
–6th Ave & 8th St
Guy: I don't think bees even have vaginas.
–23rd & 3rd
Suit to another: I want him scrutinized. At a gnat's ass level!
–Midtown Office
Middle school thug: I been radioactivatin' spiders in my kitchen.
–C Train
Overheard by: Emily B.
Mother to five-year-old boy: No, you can't buy grandma a plastic spider for Christmas!
–74th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Harriet Vane's Husband
Guy on cell: Hey, did I tell you I got drunk last night and ordered 1,500 ladybugs off the internet?
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ashley
Thug: Yo… You just pissed your pants.
Woman: You don’t think I noticed?! [Continues own conversation nonchalantly.]
–1 train
Overheard by: Maria
12-year-old hood rat #1, taunting three 20-ish bike riders at red light: Yeah, you ride that bike.
12-year-old hood rat #2, laughing: Yeah, fuck you! Ride that bike!
Biker girl: Yep, we’re riding our bikes [light turns and they ride off].
12-year-old hood rat #3: There they go.
–Dean St & 3rd Ave
Eight-year-old thug looking at four-year-old in khakis and a tie crossing the street with nanny: Man, look at that pussy ass!
13-year-old thug sister: Dumb shit!
Eight-year-old thug yelling at four-year-old: Dumb pussy ass piece of shit!
–69th & Broadway
Overheard by: Stunned, yet amused
Ghetto guy #1: Yo, man, phone your mom.
Ghetto guy #2: Yeah, hurry up, we about to go in the tunnel.
Ghetto guy #3: Yo, I’m Superman, nigga. I can do whatever I want.
–1 train, 125th St
Preppy girl: I really loved that movie. I thought it was titillating… And not just because there was cock and balls. I don’t care about that.
–Third Avenue
Guy to self: Brokeback mountain… Starring Hillary Clinton!
–Herald Square Subway Station
Overheard by: Worst Movie Ever
Doofette: I mean like I know it got the Oscar and all, but I thought "No Country for Old Men" was pretty boring. I have to admit though the choreography was amazing.
–SoHo
Thug, peddling pile of DVDs: Ghetto Blockbuster! I am your ghetto Blockbuster! I got movies, CDs, porno. [Another group of customers walks in.] I got that action, comedy, romance and I got that pussy! I am your friendly neighborhood ghetto Blockbuster.
–24 Hour McDonalds, Water & Moore
Overheard by: BigKahuna&BigRed
Creepy hipster: You’d think you can’t have sex to "Silence of the Lambs"…
–Huron St, Greenpoint
Overheard by: sweetchuck
Dude on cell: If you like murder, you’re gonna love this movie!
–48 Bus
Guy #1: Who, Trisha? Hell nah, She never calls me. She sucks.
Guy #2: Nah nigga, she doesn’t suck; she licks.
Guy #1: What the fuck?
Guy #2: Isn’t she a lesbian now or some shit?
Guy #1: I don’t know!
Guy #2: Well I heard she is and like I said, she doesn’t suck. She licks. The bitch eats vagiburgers.
–McDonald’s, 42nd & 7th
Overheard by: Shanny O.
Thug to friend: That bitch looked up at me and said, "Damn, your dick tastes like coffee."
–86th St & Lexington
Overheard by: TINA
Female suit to other: Duane Reade is like the Starbucks of drugstores!
–Duane Reade
Old lady with shopping cart, exiting voting booth: Where's my Starbucks coupon?
–PS163, Bath Beach, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Torgo61
Guy on cell: Hey, bro! I'm having coffee and a bagel. (pause) No, an animal did not have to die for me to have this coffee!
–Arthur Avenue
Overheard by: eternal student
Man with heavy Indian accent holding a cup of Starbucks coffee: No, the most expensive coffee in the world is coffee beans eaten and then pooped out by a cat. It's $120 a cup.
–Elevator, 7th Ave & 31st St
