Time

Wednesday One-Liners, As God Made Them

Woman on cell: You know, if it weren't for you, I'd be naked right now!

–14th St & 7th Ave

Woman on cell: So I enrolled him in that clothing optional preschool…

–Midtown

Overheard by: My preschool wasn't like that!

Burly guy on cell: Do me a favor: when you get back to the shop… No, listen, when you get back to the shop, sit backwards on the bike and have him rev it up. Naked. You'll cum in three seconds. No, trust me, trust me. Alright? Love you, darlin'. Bye.

–45th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: I want to ride my bicycle

Guy on cell: Alright, well, if I see you naked I'm probably gonna run away.

–15th & 8th

Girl, looking at nude painting: Finally, a woman with pubes!

–MoMA

Wednesday Too-Soon-Liners

American tourist on phone: So, I've just been to ground zero and it's like totally overrated; it's just a hole in the ground.

–Central park

Sensitive guy: She's probably the number one cause of post-traumatic stress syndrome since 9/11!

–Restaurant, 46th St & 9th Ave

Overheard by: TheGreenCat

Man, looking out window: Looks like they are building something.

–WTC Path Station

Tourist: That building is really tall, I think it's the World Crade Center!

–Brooklyn Bridge

Cheerful tourist dad taking photo of tourist family: Smile and say 9/11!

–Battery Park

Overheard by: CJW

More Helpful Than My High School Guidance Counselor

Crackhead: Here's how it goes: first you go get your master's for four years, and then after you go to undergrad for four years. That shit takes a long time!
Woman, politely: Oh. I get it!

–1st Ave & 13th St

When “Musical Chairs” Goes Horribly Awry

Man: Sorry about yesterday. I got a little carried away.
Woman: That's okay. It was just the man in you.
Man: Yeah. A couple more minutes, and it would have been the man in you!

–23rd St & Park Ave

Overheard by: Marty

Atheist New Yorkers: Thank God!

Out-of-towner #1: It's Sunday.
Out-of-towner #2: Yes, it's Sunday.
Out-of-towner #1: No. It's Sunday… and everything is open. It's crowded! There's friggin' life.
Out-of-towner #2: That's because it's not Pittsburgh.

–34th St & Madison Ave

I'm All Too Familiar With Molds, Parasites and Fungi

Dude #1: Yeah, you would know how to spot them.
Dude #2: Well, I did grow the shit in '01.

–53rd St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: BTRAIN

Reason #2948 to Have a Gay Friend

Doctor #1: So when are you leaving for England?
Doctor #2: Oh, not till next week.
Doctor #1: Oh my god, then we can totally have a tea party!

–Children's Hospital

Overheard by: i want a tea party

I Like to Think Of Them As Little Hugs from God

Girl putting mayonnaise on cheeseburger: Ugh, I'm gonna have a heart attack after this.
Friend eating Pierogis: Oh, I have heart attacks like, every day.

–Little Poland Restaurant

Overheard by: Adriana

Doesn't It, Like, Interfere with Daily Life?

Average 20-something woman: So they ordered from that Chinese place for lunch.
Too-skinny 20-something: Isn't that the third time this week?
Average 20-something woman: I don't understand the fascination with eating from the same place three times a week.
Too-skinny 20-something: I don't understand the fascination with eating a meal three times a week.

–L Train

Overheard by: Rina

Aren't Those the Lyrics to a Li'l Kim Song?

Guy, bitching to older woman about roommate: I see her maybe once every ten days.
Woman: Is she a dominatrix?
Guy: No, she's just a dumbass!

–42nd & 7th

Overheard by: David K.

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