Wednesday One-Liners Are Beautiful, Dammit!

Man to woman on lunch date: Pussy makes the world go round. When you're 85, dyin', you don't want to regret it if you never got to stick your head up there, or whatever. You wanna die sated.

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: Christine

Man, as two women approach: Vagiiiiiina, vagiiiiiiiiiiiina, vagiiiiiiiiiiiiiinaaaaaaa!

–Washington Square

Overheard by: Joe

Hipster on cell: I don't even know you! I do not want to see your vagina.

–Park Ave & 22nd St

Overheard by: Sophia

Suit on cell: I'm gonna cut off her cunt and make her wear it as a hat!

–Times Square

Teenager to friend: That girl has a Stargate vagina. You put it in and, bam, a kid pops out!

–Catherine St & Madison St

Girl at speed dating event: …like my vagina!

–Watering Hole, E 19th St

Posted on November 3, 2010
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Death, Friends, Girls, Hipsters, Kids, Lower East Side, Madison Square Garden, Men, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Sex, Street, Suits, Teens, Threats, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Violence, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

The Subtext Of Every Fraternity Initiation: In a Nutshell.

Fat short college guy: Yo, buddy. I've been meaning to ask, but…
Handsome tall college guy: Yeah?
Fat short college guy: If I was gay, would you give me a pity fuck?
Handsome tall college guy: Probably.

–Times Square

Posted on October 17, 2010
Frat Boys, Gays and Lesbians, Questions, Sex, Times Square

I Got Your Wednesday One-Liner– Swingin'

Skinny obnoxious blonde: Sheryl had a shirt that said "I love Wayne's dick." And I was like "Sheryl, why are you wearing that to the outback?"

–AMC Movie Theater

Girl to guy: Epic fail, you have a non-working dick.

–2nd Ave & 9th St

Guy on cell: Hello, this is sweet dick. Can I speak to tight pussy?

–West Village

Man to another: So last night, I was playing with my dick, and…

–Times Square

Overheard by: Dusty F.

Man on cell: He don't answer to "Leon" no more. He is now "Dick Dastardly."

–Union Square

Overheard by: Muttley

Posted on October 13, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Clothing, Girls, Guys, Masturbation, Men, Movie Theaters, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Sex, Skinny People, Street, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village

The Critics Are Raving About Wednesday One-Liners!

30-something man to girlfriend: I liked it. I mean, it really made me think: if twenty years from now I went in a hot tub and was transported back to today, what would I tell myself to do with my life?

–23rd St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: drose

Dad to teenage children: I wouldn't see Twilight if my life depended on it. If I had to choose, I would choose to die.

–Times Square

Acting professor: Did you see how Brando picked up her glove? He wanted her to stay. Do you ever do that? Take someone's things just so you know they'll come back? (dead silence) Guess you kids just aren't devious like me…

–Tisch School of the Arts

Older man to ticket salesman: Are Precious and The Rocky Horror Picture Show a double feature?

–Clearview Cinema, Chelsea

Posted on October 6, 2010
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clerks, College, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Dads, Death, Education, Film, Movie Theaters, Movies, Old People, Questions, Street, Teachers/Professors, Teens, Time, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires

Just As Nostradamus Predicted.

Teen girl #1, walking by poster for Vanessa Hudgens news movie: There's that high school girl, playing the exact same role but in a different film.
Teen girl #2, very seriously: Life after High School Musical is never pretty.

–Times Square

Posted on October 5, 2010
Film, Jobs & Careers, Movies, Teens, Times Square

Wednesday One-Diners

Fashionista: Y'know, it was just one of those restaurants that served bone marrow, because, like, they should be serving bone marrow.

–Allen & Delancy

Overheard by: wba2101

Jersey mom in purple jumpsuit: Ah, I love this part of New York. In one block you have an Olive Garden and a TGI Friday's.

–Times Square

Girl: Johnny Rockets my ass! If I wanted to go to the 1960s I'd use a fucking time machine!

–8th St & Greene

Drunk guy, wisely: No, people who eat on trains can't afford Chipotle!

–Uptown A Train

20-something guy to sobbing 20-something girl: It's okay, there's a Burger King right around here.

–4th St & Ave B

Posted on September 22, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, B & T, Crying, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Fashionistas, Food, Gadgets, Girls, Guys, Junk Food & Fast Food, Lower East Side, Moms, Money & Class, On the Subway, One-liners, Public Transportation, Street, Stupidity, Time, Times Square, Travel, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners

I Had a Long Conversation with One While I Was Shrooming the Other Day

Girl #1: So, like Buddhist worship cows. They feel like they are sacred and don't eat them, or milk them, or nothing…
Girl #2: Aw, shit! For real?
Girl #1: Yeah, most of them are vegetarians. They don't eat anything that's alive, or has a soul, or something… Cause you can be reincarnated into something you can eat.
Girl #2: So what do vegetarians eat?
Girl #1, staring blankly: What?
Girl #2: What do vegetarians eat?
Girl #1: They're vegetarians! (giggles) Fuck! Vegetables! (rolls eyes, then laughs)
Girl #2, looking oddly: But trees are alive.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Brownsugarwater

Posted on August 21, 2010
Animals & Nature, Buddha, Girls, Times Square, Trees and plants, Vegetarian & Vegan

Wednesday One-Liners Would Shoot Jodie Foster to Impress You

Girl on cell: You have a mini what? Stalker? (pause) Do you mean "mini" like a little person? Or like only partial stalking?

–Park Ave & 77th St

Woman to friend: No wonder that guy is stalking you! You told him everywhere you were going!

–Astor Place

Overheard by: sarah

Suit on cell: Yeah, yeah, hold on a minute. I gotta cross the street to stalk this girl.

–Times Square

Overheard by: creeped out

Mother to daughter, indignantly: No, it's not stalking! It's called being resourceful.

–16th St & 9th Ave

Posted on August 18, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Friends, Girls, Harassment, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Street, Suits, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

…Believe It or Not.

Girl #1: Let's go to Ripley's Believe It or Not.
Girl #2: Sure, I would love to meet him.

–Times Square

Posted on August 17, 2010
Girls, Offers and requests, Stupidity, Times Square

I Mean, I Assume You Were Talking About on My Vagina.

Hair salon promo girl to blonde and brunette girls: Hey there! Do you live in New York? Are you interested in getting a great haircut?
Blonde girl: I don't have any hair.

–Times Square

Posted on August 17, 2010
Clerks, Girls, Hair, Physical appearance, Questions, Times Square