Wednesday One-Liners Want to Be a Part Of It

Suit: That's why I can't help but love New York. New York is like the sick uncle that touches you when no ones around.

–Grand Central Terminal

Girl, after passing a tourist bumping into her: In New York we say "excuse me!"

–Macy's, Herald Square

Overheard by: The City Planner

Guy to friend: Are we in the inner city or just the city?

–1st Ave & 6th St

Dude walking out of Penn station: You know what's great about going out in New York City? You can get completely bombed and it's no big deal, because you'll probably never see those people again, you know?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: BPV

Aussie: The key to this city is to use words like "shitter."

–96th & Columbus Ave

Posted on November 21, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Celebrations/Parties, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Family Ties, Foreigners, Friends, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, One-liners, Only in New York, Penn Station, Questions, Robbing the Cradle, Store, Suits, Tourism, Tourists, Train Station, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

Another One Undergoes His NYC Initiation

Tourist: Excuse me, would you mind moving your bag? It’s touching my knee.
New Yorker: What the fuck! You’re not from around here, are you son?
Tourist: No sir, I’m from Richmond Virginia. Just got in this morning.
New Yorker: Yeah, no shit.

–9 train

Overheard by: Greg Rutter

Posted on November 16, 2020
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, On the Subway, Only in New York, Public Transportation, Tourists

Only Crazy Subway Preachers Know Both

Tourist: Does this train stop at Cortland Street?
Nun: Yes, it does.
Guy: No, it doesn’t. The station is closed.
Nun: I’ve been riding this train over 20 years. It stops at Cortland Street.
Guy, as train passes Cortland Street station: Lady, you may know Jesus, but I know the subways.

–1 train

Posted on October 18, 2020
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Catholics, Jesus, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Tourism, Tourists

NYPD Booked Them Posthumously

Tourist father to family, crossing mid-block: Okay, this is our first jaywalk!
Little kid: I'm so excited!

–45th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Linda Stein

Posted on October 1, 2020
Crime and Punishment, Dads, Families, Family Ties, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Tourists, Weirdness

Soon They’ll Be in the Brooklyn

Tourist #1: Something’s wrong. We’re already at 36th Street, and we were supposed to get off at 49th.
Tourist #2: We’re not in Manhattan yet, stupid.
Tourist #1: Oh, right, we’re still in Bronx!

–R train, 36th St, Brooklyn

Overheard by:

Posted on September 26, 2020
Default, Directions, NYC Geography, On the Subway, Stupidity, Tourists

He Got Down on One Knee and Offered Me a Cock-Ring

New Yorker: So, having a romantic evening in New York?
Tourist: Yeah… I went sex toy shopping last night.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: laughing awkwardly

Posted on September 24, 2020
Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Default, Dildos and Vibrators, Nice People, Questions, Shopping, Tourism, Tourists

Of a Sort

American tourist #1: Wow, your English is really good!
Scottish tourist: Um, thank you.
American tourist #2: Yes, it's really very good. You sound like a native speaker. What language do you normally speak in Scotland, anyway?
Scottish tourist: English.

–Empire State Building

Overheard by: rachel

Posted on August 29, 2020
Compliments, Empire State Building, Foreigners, Languages, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Stupidity, Tourists

First Those Towers Weren’t There, and Now This!

Ticket seller: The statue is permanently closed, sir.
Tourist: What does that mean?
Ticket seller: The statue is permanently closed.
Tourist: For how long?
Ticket seller: Permanently.

–Battery Park

Posted on August 2, 2020
Battery Park, Questions, Stupidity, Time, Tourists, Vendors & Street Performers, Visual Art

How Weird Is This Gonna Get?

Tourist: Are you Teddy Roosevelt?
Costumed interpretor: No…
Tourist: Can you be Teddy Roosevelt for the next five minutes?

–New York Historical Society, 77th & CPW

Overheard by: Miranda Morrison

Posted on June 17, 2020
Questions, Tourists, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Raise Your Hand If You Want to Buy This Dude a Beer

Tourist man to tourist wife: Look at that sign: “No honking, $350 fine.”
Sane-looking New Yorker: It's unreal, isn't it, how the government continues to discriminate against geese? No justice, no peace.

–5th Ave & 13th St

Overheard by: Richard Nixon

Posted on June 3, 2020
Couples, Government, Money & Class, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Tourists