Idiot tourist, in line at TKTS: Hmmm… I wonder what “TKTS” stands for.
Friend: Are you serious? It stands for “tickets”!
Idiot tourist: Oh! I never knew that! Well, I guess that makes sense.
–TKTS
Local girl: So, how do you like New York?!
Tourist friend, disgusted: Everyone here is ugly and foreign.
–Herald’s Square
Tourist lady #1: Oh, it’s worth paying the cab fare. I mean, the subway…well, after September 11th it’s just not safe, you know?
Tourist lady #2: You’ve ridden the subway before?
Tourist lady #1: No, it smells weird.
–Hunt Valley bus
Overheard by: Katie Cheek
Prospective girl #1: OK, so tomorrow, let’s all wear our “I Heart NY” t-shirts.
Prospective girl #2: Yeah! And I can wear my Columbia sweatshirt over it!
–Morningside Heights
Toddler: Why is Jack-Jack’s name “Jack-Jack”? Why not regular Jack?
Mom: That’s just a nickname. I think his real name is just plain Jack.
Toddler: Can my nickname be Johann-Johann?
–1 train
Overheard by: Matt G
Tourist #1: Last night I wasn’t really wild. I really want to be wild tonight.
Tourist #2: Last night you weren’t wild? I would actually be a little scared to see you go really wild, then.
Tourist #1: Well tonight I’m going to be really crazy. Tonight I’m going to wear my yellow dress!
–Eugene O’Neill Theatre
Woman on cell: Yeah, I have to go. I’m too distracted on the phone, and I don’t trust anyone in this terminal. People are speaking Spanish behind me, if you know what I mean.
–LaGuardia
Tourist #1: How about Italian?
Tourist #2: You know there are perfectly good Italian restaurants back home in Wisconsin. You don't go to New York City for the food.
–42nd & 6th
Overheard by: John
Tourist lady #1: Oh, look. Mario Lopez is in Chorus Line.
Tourist lady #2: I don't know who that is.
Tourist lady #3, lasciviously: Oooh, Mario Lopez.
Tourist lady #1, to lady #2: You've never heard of Mario Lopez?
Tourist lady #2: No.
Tourist lady #1: You've never seen him on TV?
Tourist lady #2: No. What's he been in?
Tourist lady #1: He has an eight pack instead of a six pack! Tee-hee!
–51st St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Jessi Spano
Lady: Do you have famous cheesecake?
Waiter: Yes, the cheesecake.
Lady: Well is it famous?
Waiter gives blank stare.
Lady: Because I only want it if it’s famous.
–44th between 7th & 8th
Overheard by: Grant W
Southern woman on phone: You can’t threaten me with jail! Three hots and a cot, I ain’t nobody’s momma, and I ain’t nobody’s wife! And I ain’t above eating pussy!
–A train
Tween girl on tour #1: This hallway smells like a hospital.
Tween girl on tour #2: Yeah, it reminds me of my mom’s wake.
Tween girl on tour #1: Yeah, mine too.
–NBC Studios, 30 Rock
