Wednesday One-Liners Prefer to Think Of It As “Long-Term Borrowing”

Rich girl: I went to Forever21 and bought a dress. Then I stole some sunglasses and other accessories along with it, cause you know, times are rough.

–Metro-North Rail

Run-down-looking middle-aged guy: I got my phone stolen. Uh-huh. No, it wasn't even a trick, it was a friend!

–Home Depot, 23rd St

Overheard by: STC

Very loud child at display of cars to mother in line: It's okay, mom! You don't need to buy one for me. I can just take one and run out. Maybe even two, easy!

–Rite Aid, Brooklyn

Overheard by: oneofmanymikes

Shopping lady to friend: It's okay to steal but it's not okay to be gay.

–94th & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: venniblue

Girl on phone: So you actually caught him stealing from you? (pause) Okay. (pause) Well, you didn't want that anyway. So you're still going to fuck him, right?

–Broadway & 21st St

Posted on March 7, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Cell Phone, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Fashion, Friends, Friendship, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Kids, Men, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Rich people, Sex, Shopping, Store, Street, Stupidity, Thievery, Trains Not Subway, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Though I've Heard George Washington Had a Hell Of a Farmer's Tan

Principal: And can anyone tell me what is so significant about Barack Obama becoming president today?
Five-year-old: He's the first brown president.

–P.S. 290

Overheard by: TA who hears everything

Posted on March 4, 2015
Bosses, Colors, Elementary & Middle School, Kids, President, Questions, Race, School, Upper East Side

When Life Gives Them to You?

Friend #1: Wow, whatcha got in the bag?
Friend #2: Oh, these are lemon cucumbers.
Friend #1: Cool, what do you do with them?
Friend #2: I eat them!

–E 82nd & York

Overheard by: Janny

Posted on March 3, 2015
Food, Friends, Questions, Stupidity, Upper East Side

My Advice: Cut Holes in Your Shirt

Hot girl: I mean, dudes are going to be staring at you anyway, but if your nipples are poking through your shirt then it’s just all over.
Nerdy Guy: Wow… Yeah!

–Upper East Side

Overheard by: rad dude

Posted on March 1, 2015
Bimbettes, Clothing, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Guys, Nipples, Upper East Side

She'll Accept Anybody's Visa

Fashionista #1: Honestly, I think he would take whatever comes his way. He just wants to get laid.
Fashionista #2: And what? She's easy?
Fashionista #1: You know those European girls. She has an open-pussy-policy.

–E 86th St

Posted on February 28, 2015
Fashionistas, Gossip, Hook Ups, Promiscuity, Questions, Upper East Side, Vagina, Wishes & desires

I'll Be Gentle This Time

Weird-looking teen: It's Turkish turnip time again!
Friend: Word.

–79th & 3rd

Overheard by: wallflowerblonde

Posted on February 25, 2015
Friends, Teens, Time, Upper East Side, Weirdness

…I'll Talk!

Woman: Two words: bikini wax.
Man: No…no!

–80th & York

Posted on February 23, 2015
Hair, Men, Upper East Side, Waxing, Women, Words

They Were Stacked Like Pringles

Guy: ‘Cause when a girl’s got way too many diaphragms…
Chick: Yeah.
Guy: That’s the sign that I missed.

–93rd & Broadway

Posted on February 23, 2015
Friends, Health and Hygiene, Upper East Side

Nothing Makes Me Come Like Some Zyklon, Redux

Queer: Why do you like him? The guy behind us in the black shirt is so much hotter.
Hag: Ew…
Queer: You know I like those big, rough German types…if he put me in a camp, just imagine all the terrible things he would do to me.
Hag: …Would you stop staring at him?
Queer: I so want him to rape me.
Hag: Get over it, he’s not gay!
Queer: Whatever, if we were in prison he’d so be doing me.

–Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: Smack Jack

Guy: This is going to sound awful but Ryan Gosling was really hot in that movie where he played the Nazi with the shaved head.
Girl: Yeah, he was a hot Nazi in that movie. A hotzi, if you will.

–92nd Street Y

Overheard by: Kelly

Posted on February 22, 2015
Backdoor, Celebrities, Fag Hags, Nazis, Queers, Sex, The Bronx, Upper East Side, Yankee Stadium

But Call Me Later

Guy #1: Aw, man, have you seen March of the Penguins? That movie was horrible. Couldn’t get through it.
Girl: I saw that. I got double-banged to it… I kinda like getting double-banged by two attractive guys, y’know? [Men stop walking and look at each other.]Guy #2: Dude, that’s gross. I’m gonna have to ask you to leave. Wow.

–70th & 2nd

Posted on February 21, 2015
Default, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Movies, Three is Company, Upper East Side