Peppy Latina: I'm gonna read you a love letter.
Bored girl: Whatever.
Peppy Latina: Henry the VIII to Anne Boleyn…
Bored girl: Whatever, he beheaded her.
Peppy Latina: Man, why you gotta harsh it?
Bored girl: Dude, have you read James Joyce's letters to his wife? Those are disgusting!
Peppy Latina: Disgusting like sappy? Cute? Awful?
Bored girl: No, disgusting like “I can't wait until I'm back in Ireland smelling your v-j-j” disgusting.
–82nd & 5th
HS girl #1: I’m just so tired of school boys.
HS girl #2: Yeah. Me too. I’m pretty much all about investment bankers now.
HS girl #1: Oh my god. I’m so going to invite you to my next investment banker party.
–78th & Lex
20-something girl: So, I guess we are now officially corporate hos.
30-something man: Yeah, so now you have to learn to play tennis.
Girl passerby: What does that have to do with anything?
20-something girl: Then we can be corporate hos and tennis pros — duh.
30-something man: We should do commercials… Why don’t we work for an ad agency?!
–59th & Lex
Girl to friend: Get all your cheating in before you are married!
–Viacom Building, 44th & Broadway
Angry dude on cell: Well I bet you enjoyed fucking him last night while I was sitting outside your house watching!
–Hudson & Morton
Guy on cell: Hey sweetie… Oh, you’re so out of breath! Did you just finish having sex? [Pause.] Oh, okay, great. Just give me a call later!
–85th & 2nd
[Boy and girl are making out on a bench.]Girl, pulling away: You should really break up with her! [Make out session continues.]
–Entrance to Central Park at West 85th St
Overheard by: Bex
Man to woman, after kissing her for 20 minutes: C’mon, let’s go find your husband and my wife.
–Bryant Park
Man talking to friend in hallway: And so he says to me: "I never promised that I wouldn’t try to sleep with your wife."
–Basement, Mt Sinai Hospital
Overheard by: scrubs
Checkout girl to another: He said it wasn’t cheating because I’m his favorite.
–Food Emporium, 68th & Broadway
Overheard by: David
Younger woman: I can’t believe how crowded it is.
Older woman: That’s because they just reopened after being relocated in the Bronx.
–The Met
Woman: This is my favorite part…of the worst song ever.
–MTV Studios, Times Square
Man on cell: No, it is not like the time I farted at Target and blamed in on that old woman!
–22nd & Park
Overheard by: Bill Ray
Drunken yuppie guy: I want my Subway sandwich! I want my Subway sandwich! Tuna and onions! Yeah, you heard me. Girls love big cocks. Girls love big cocks! These girls know. I’m on…I’m on Comedy Central! I’m a redneck on Comedy Central! My name is Heywood Jablowme! Heywood Jablowme! Heywood Jablowme! I’m from Texas where girls suck cock for a dime!
–32nd & 2nd
Woman: Did you hear Cooter wouldn’t endorse that remake?
–7 train
Overheard by: Todd Horan
Guy: God, I feel like I’m trapped in a fucking Hallmark Card.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Shoshana
Latina: …and he looks evil and the Princess is saying to him, “You are a good person” and he looks so evil and then she is with Obi King Wasabi and he said he is on the dark side and then the shorty guy–what is his name?–Yoga said, “He is on the dark side” and then Dark Wader he is with the cape and looks all angry and evil reminded me of me on Mondays.
–58th & Lexington
Overheard by: Brandy Rowell
Black guy, yelling out of his car at cute girl crossing the street: Hey! You look like yo' white boyfriend call you fat, but mama, that alllllll good!
Cute girl: I have never felt so offended and so complimented at once. (deadpan) This must be love.
–Grand Army Plaza
Overheard by: aenigma
Pretty 20-something girl: I might reconsider if there is a horse involved.
–Manhattan Beach
Overheard by: The Tutors
Girl to friend: Look at sociology. Look at the animals. That totally explains it. It is just like the animals, sociology explains everything.
–West 4th & Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Darci
Woman to man: Because I'd really like to understand what makes a good toreador and what makes a bad toreador.
–70th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Lisa B.
Girl who was just handed an anti-bird-porn flyer: I have never even seen birds mating. Now I am intrigued.
–Hair Rush Line Central Park
Overheard by: Krysta
Pet store clerk to customer: I don't know what flavor it is. It's turtle food. It's what they eat.
–Flushing Petland Discount
Park janitor to pigeons: I need all's you guys to be flappin' yo' wings and help me be cleanin' up these leaves. (pigeons coo, janitor starts cooing with them)
–Clinton & Congress, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Was a good impression
Guy on cell: Yeah, it’s weird, it feels like I’m still alive.
–W 8th & Broadway
Guy: I still think surprise necrophilia is weird.
–Robert Louis Stevenson School
Overheard by: Lucas
Man to woman companion: I hate single people. They’re all weird.
–90th b/w 2nd & 3rd
Man on cell: February is a weird month for Jews.
–9th St. and 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Hannah
Trader Joe’s employee to another: No, I would not call her weird. It takes a lot for me to call somebody else weird because I am not the most normal person on the planet myself. Meow!
–Trader Joe’s, Union Square
Overheard by: Ingwall
Observant girl: Just because you get weird haircuts doesn’t mean you’re smart.
–Bowery & Rivington
Guy #1: What did you say?
Guy #2: What do you think I said? “That ain’t shampoo, it’s maple syrup.”
–1st between 74th & 75th
Overheard by: The Iron Lung
