Teen girl #1: So, what book are you looking for?
Teen girl #2: Well, whenever I get stoned I get paranoid that I’m getting dumber, so last time I got high I came here and read a giant stack of philosophy books, and I really liked one of them.
–Barnes & Noble, 82nd St
Overheard by: It’s not paranoia…
Chick: You know how you wanted to call him up and say it’s not personal, you just want to be friends? Don’t. They need to be told. They don’t know that they’re idiots.
–Our Place, 3rd Avenue
Black lady: I don’t eat fried food. Grease is the enemy. When I was pregnant with my daughter, I wanted fried food all the time. This one day, I left work to go eat some fried fish, and I ate it. And I stayed there. And you know what happened? The grease came up and the fish stayed down.
–Precious Nails, 94th & 3rd
Suit #1 to suit #2: We can do whatever you want today. I just don’t like the stuff you make me do that makes me throw up.
–AJ Maxwell’s, 48th & 6th
Overheard by: their waitress
Annoyed sexy girl: This is stupid! I don't see how you can just think one city is older than another!
Embarrassed boyfriend: Think about it. Can't you see how Rome would be much older than, say, Provo, Utah?
Annoyed sexy girl: Well, I've never been to either of those, so how would I know?
–Duane Reade, Columbus Ave
Overheard by: Veronica
Woman: Is that a ferret?
Teenage girl holding ferret: Yup.
Woman: Cool!
Teenage girl's father: You want it?
–5th Ave & 60th St
Headline by: daniellediamond
Runners-Up:
· “”We Got Gerbils Too And… Wait… You’re Not a Cop, Are You?”” – The Drifter
· “I Have Enough Oversized Rats in My Apartment, Thanks” – pestilentia
· “It’s Extra for the Girl – But She Does Tricks” – JohnnyB
· “Naw, That’s Okay, My Possessions Already Smell Like Urine” – Rebecca Loeser
· “Steve Hasn’t Perfected His Marriage Proposal Yet” – Al Bundy
· “Strangely, Also How He Got Rid Of Her Mother” – Samantha
· “We Have to Give It Away, My Daughter Is Having “Inappropriate Fun”” – Gimmy Stuv
Yuppie lady: When all is said and done, I was drunk in Banana Republic…
–51st & Lexington
Overheard by: Karen Adverb
Man on blind date: I can't believe I just went to the bathroom. Sorry, I didn't think I would have to. I guess as you get older your bladder weakens.
Woman on blind date: Yeah, I guess.
–Sushi Resteraunt, 82 & 3rd
Overheard by: im
Little girl, pointing at a bathtub full of candy balls: What are those, daddy?
Dad: Those balls are dirty.
–Candy Shop, 63rd St & 3rd Ave
NYU frat boy to another: Remember that time you popped that zit on my dick?!
–Waverly Place & Broadway
Overheard by: lezbotron
Older suit to younger suit: If you want people to move out of your way you just gotta say shit like: pussy, dick, cunt! (people move out of the way) See?
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Brad
Thug to another, exiting a deli: The Salvation Army can suck my dick.
–Stanton & Ludlow
Overheard by: CN
Girl wearing hijab: That depends on whose dick it is!
–Hunter College, 68th & Lexington
Overheard by: off white
Little kid, holding out french fry: Patata!
Hick woman: Patoota? What's that?
Hick man: Little kids' word.
–Belgian Beer Bar, 75th & 2nd
Overheard by: Even my Spanish isn't that bad
