Wednesday One-Liners Find Nemo

Woman on cell: Number one: I'll tell you what you can do with that fish. You can shove it right up your ass! (pause) Number two: You know what you can do with that fish? You can shove it right up your ass!

–Steps, The Met

Overheard by: gossipgirlish

Boy to mother: Mama, can we surprise grandpa with a catfish?

–Central Park East

Overheard by: walter

Woman reading map: No dead fish in Nebraska.

–D Train

Overheard by: Sunny

Girl to guy friend at hip hop show: That chick just sprayed her coochie with perfume. Now it smells like a fish died and the other fish sent flowers.

–Voodoo Lounge, 1st Ave

Posted on December 29, 2010
Central Park, Death, Family Ties, Food, Questions, Sensory Experiences, The Met, Trains Not Subway, U.S. Geography, Upper East Side, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

We Also Would Have Accepted “'Copping' a Feel”

Drunk brunette #1 to cop: We're what you call us… Badge bangers!
Drunk brunette #2: Yeah!

–Canal & Centre

Overheard by: Tits McGhee

Posted on December 21, 2010
Drunks, Little Italy, Nicknames & name calling, Vagina

Raise Your Hand If You'd Peek

Black man in suit and expensive loafers, on cell: Bring me the box, unopened. (cackles) Bring it to me.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Samantha

Posted on December 18, 2010
Black People, Offers and requests, On Cell, Trains Not Subway, Vagina

First Of All, It's Fiji…

Janitor, looking at bathroom floor: Oh, I don't need this! Look at this water all over the floor! All over the place! Why don't you clean your pussy at home? Pour Evian all over the floor so you can clean your pussy–clean your dirty pussy at home! I don't need this! Water all over the floor!

–Bathroom, Port Authority Bus Terminal

Posted on December 8, 2010
Advice, Blue-collar workers, Cleanliness, Port Authority, Vagina

Wednesday Coughs Up Some One-Liners

Kid on cell: So I rubbed it really hard and really fast… and I made her throw up.

–Marble Hill High School

Drinker to friend, while playing flip cup: I will throw up in your pussy wagon.

–Whiskey Tavern, Chinatown

Woman: I'm really glad it wasn't the Prozac making her throw up… just her other meds.

–33rd St & Park Ave

Girl: My uterus is vomiting!

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Posted on December 1, 2010
Chinatown, Drunks, Girls, Kids, Masturbation, Medicine, Queens, Vagina, Vomit, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Are Beautiful, Dammit!

Man to woman on lunch date: Pussy makes the world go round. When you're 85, dyin', you don't want to regret it if you never got to stick your head up there, or whatever. You wanna die sated.

–Madison Square Park

Overheard by: Christine

Man, as two women approach: Vagiiiiiina, vagiiiiiiiiiiiina, vagiiiiiiiiiiiiiinaaaaaaa!

–Washington Square

Overheard by: Joe

Hipster on cell: I don't even know you! I do not want to see your vagina.

–Park Ave & 22nd St

Overheard by: Sophia

Suit on cell: I'm gonna cut off her cunt and make her wear it as a hat!

–Times Square

Teenager to friend: That girl has a Stargate vagina. You put it in and, bam, a kid pops out!

–Catherine St & Madison St

Girl at speed dating event: …like my vagina!

–Watering Hole, E 19th St

Posted on November 3, 2010
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Death, Friends, Girls, Hipsters, Kids, Lower East Side, Madison Square Garden, Men, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Sex, Street, Suits, Teens, Threats, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Violence, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

I Got Your Wednesday One-Liner– Swingin'

Skinny obnoxious blonde: Sheryl had a shirt that said "I love Wayne's dick." And I was like "Sheryl, why are you wearing that to the outback?"

–AMC Movie Theater

Girl to guy: Epic fail, you have a non-working dick.

–2nd Ave & 9th St

Guy on cell: Hello, this is sweet dick. Can I speak to tight pussy?

–West Village

Man to another: So last night, I was playing with my dick, and…

–Times Square

Overheard by: Dusty F.

Man on cell: He don't answer to "Leon" no more. He is now "Dick Dastardly."

–Union Square

Overheard by: Muttley

Posted on October 13, 2010
All Wednesday One-Liners, Clothing, Girls, Guys, Masturbation, Men, Movie Theaters, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Sex, Skinny People, Street, Times Square, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village

Your Editors Totally Predicted This

Hip-hop dude #1: Dude! Her pussy is like the TARDIS on Doctor Who! So small and dainty on the outside, but roomy on the inside.
Hip-hop dude #2: Can it time-travel?

–Brooklyn

Posted on September 2, 2010
Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Gangstas, Sex, Time, TV, Vagina

Simon Cowell: Your Wednesday One-Liner Was Just Horrible!

Crazy man, singing in deep tenor voice: Meow! Meowwwwwwww! Meowwwww! Meowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

–Cooper Square

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

White woman, singing: That's the way/uh-huh/uh-huh/I like it! Brrr! Cock-a-doodle-do!

–23rd St

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Thug, quietly to friends: Daaaamn, yo! I just wanta teabag that ho! (starts singing loudly) Come back girl, I juss wanta teabag, o, I juss wanta teabag yo ass!

–Outside Tech College, 31st & 10th

Woman in bathroom stall, singing operatically: I don't have a care in the world! (sneezes) Oh my god! Damn it!

–Actor's Equity Building

Overheard by: Natalie

Boy, singing: Vagiiiiiiinas… They're eeeeverywhere, vagiiiiiinas…

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Hobo, singing: I don't neeeeed no money! (pause) Well, that's not exactly true, that's just the words to the song.

–4 Train

Overheard by: Chris K.