Wednesday One-Liners, Dry-Clean Only

Suit on cell: And three girls we know will be there. They're all hideous. But at least they're girls.

–28th & 5th

Overheard by: Heinz

Man in suit: The building is surrounded by outside. Right before you go in and when you come out, you are outside!

–Downtown A Train

Overheard by: The Green Cat

Suit whining on cell: Aw, come on! I wanna be on top this time!

–Flushing

Overheard by: Zee

Suit: The only time I wore socks last year was during my swearing in.

–Maiden & William

Suit: You know, we should probably just send a company-wide email in the morning: "hey guys, we're fucked."

–Wall St

Overheard by: Tamcakes

Posted on December 2, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crime and Punishment, Fashion, Gender issues, Internet, Jobs & Careers, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Queens, Science, Sex, Sexuality, Street, Stupidity, Suits, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

It's Like They're Being Shot Out Of a Giant Canadian Cannon Aimed Toward Me

Guy, standing with two women: So of course, now every woman that comes my way is from… (nods, waits for women to finish his sentence)
Women: Newfoundland!
Guy: Right!

–Union Square Park

Overheard by: not a newf

Posted on December 1, 2014
Foreigners, Guys, Parks, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Women

When You Step on a Landmine, None Of Your Options Look Good

Cashier to woman buying sanitary napkins: Do you want these double-bagged?
Woman buying sanitary napkins: What's that supposed to mean?

–Pharmacy, Flatbush

Overheard by: taylor

Posted on December 1, 2014
Brooklyn, Cashiers, Customers, Menstruation, Offers and requests, Sex, Store, Weirdness, Words

Do Girls Ever Wednesday One-Liner?

Hobo to passer-by: Arrrr! I'm a fart knocker!

–7th Ave & 25th St

Bimbette: Wow! I ate olives today and I didn't fart!

–L Train

Girl to friend: She farts makeup! She's so glamorous!

–Deli

Overheard by: Straining to hear the rest of the conversation…

30-something tall woman to friend: I used to live in three houses. Now I live in a closet. It's so small that I have to hang my parakeet out the window just to take a fart!

–Ave B & 3rd St

Overheard by: Mike

Older Greek lady to friend: I don't know Celia. I think it is better for everyone if I have gas.

–Astoria

Overheard by: David

Posted on November 30, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Astoria, Bimbettes, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Delis, Farting & Burping, Food, Foreigners, Friends, Girls, Hobos, Home, Sweet Home, Old People, On the Subway, Strangers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Fine, but Go Easy on the Rouge This Time.

Dad: What else do you want to do?
Four-year-old boy: Your face.

–St Mark's & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Erin

Posted on November 30, 2014
Body Parts, Dads, Kids, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Okay, So It May Have Been a Lawyer.

Woman #1: Kate and I saw a snake walking down State Street yesterday!
Man: What?
Woman #2: Wait… walking?

–Central Park

Overheard by: A snake? Really?

Posted on November 30, 2014
Animals & Nature, Central Park, Men, Parks, Stupidity, Weirdness, Women, Words

Wouldn't They Want It for a Golf Course?

Crazy old man: So you're telling me that the Japanese are trying to blow up the moon?!
Even crazier old man: Yes! They've been trying for years! But now they're really close!

–Costco

Overheard by: caroline

Posted on November 29, 2014
Crazies, Foreigners, Old People, Paranoia, Store, Weirdness

To Make Quotas, Mark Sold Himself Aggressively

Man in line for next available salesperson at Old Navy: Who wants a piece of this?
Next available salesperson: Next in line?
Man: That's what I'm talking about!

–Old Navy, 6th Ave

Posted on November 29, 2014
Men, Questions, Store, Vendors & Street Performers, Weirdness

Really the Best Way to Put Conflict in Perspective

Hobo #1: Stop playing your fucking drum, I hear it all the way over here.
Hobo #2: I was here first, motherfucker!
Hobo #3: You guys, why can't you just play together?
Hobo #2: Nah, fuck you man! Stay out of it!
Hobo #3: You should die. You gonna die. Tonight!
Hobo #2: Are you threatening me, man?
Hobo #3 (laughing): Nah, man, I'm just a shoe shiner, but you're seriously gonna die.

–Washington Square

Overheard by: Highstein

Posted on November 29, 2014
Death, Default, Gripes, Hobos, Insults, Offers and requests, Questions, Threats, Washington Square Park, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners, the Forbidden Dance

Tween girl: I mean, she changed her MySpace name to "freaky dancer," I mean, she needs to take that shit off. Seriously, take it off, because I'm the freaky dancer, no one else is the freaky dancer but me.

–Uptown 6 Train

Man: There will be no more dancing tonight. I broke the pole.

–Times Square

Jumpy drunk guy: I have two options. Dance or fall asleep!

–Blackbird Parlour, Brooklyn

Overheard by: ak

Guy: I'm really into Nijinsky…no homo.

–F Train

Weary looking woman on cell: Six and a half hours of burlesque. I didn't think there was such a thing as too much burlesque…but I thought wrong.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: McNasty

College girl: And then I would say: "But do you object? Do you object to my vagina dance?"