(woman walks into packed theater looking for boyfriend)
Woman, yelling: Jim*? Jim, where are you?
Random guy in the audience #1: Here!
Random guy #2: Over here!
Random guy #3: Here!
(entire theater starts shouting “here!”)
Woman: C'mon, gimme a break.
–Imax Theater
Overheard by: Goober
Middle-aged woman (begging): Excuse me, but you wouldn't happen to be carrying any hairspray in your purse, would you?
Slightly younger woman (patronizing): Um, nobody does that any more.
–Lobby Bathroom, Grand Hyatt Hotel
Girl eating chocolate cake to woman in next cubicle: Oh my god, this is so good–I think even you would eat this cake.
Woman in next cubicle: I don't eat nothing coming off of Long Island.
–Random NYU Administration Office
Overheard by: Betty Noir
Older gentleman: You know, I used to date a Rockette.
Younger woman: Oh, really? Cool!
Older gentleman: …a cross-eyed one.
Younger woman: They're the best kind.
–Outside Radio City Music Hall
Old lady: Excuse me, could you help me move these bags?
Young teen (looking a bit confused and pissed off): Um. Sure.
(the teen moves the bags around the cart)
Old lady: Thank you. Could you help me pull up my pants?
Young teen: No, I cannot help you pull up your pants. I came here for some Advil, not to help you pull up your goddamn pants.
–CVS, 92nd & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Jayla M
(at the gay pride festival)
Girl handing out stickers: Do you want a sticker?
Lady with a lot of stickers on: Fo' sho I'll take a sticker… and a cheeseburger, and some ice for the corn on my right foot.
Girl (looking discouraged): Ew.
–Hudson & Jane St
Overheard by: Jessica
Woman #1: So how did Becky’s insemination go?
Woman #2: Oh, didn’t you hear? She’s pregnant.
Woman #1: Oh, that’s great!
–F Train
Overheard by: katherine
Headline by: SAtCW
Runners-Up:
· “I Knew If That Man Could Do It She Could Too!” – J
· “Labrador or Lesbian? You Make the Call” – joaquin carvel
· “Now She Can Have the Abortion She Always Wanted” – JohnAustin
· “Remember When It Used to Be Called “The Prom”” – Powder Blue Tuxedo
· “She Was So Drunk, But We Thought It’d Be Funnier Than a Tattoo” – Thug Auditor
· “The Best Part? Her Husband Thinks It Was Immaculate!” – Jim
Crazy bag lady in Burger King crown: Oh look, you broke your shoe, and you're pregnant.
Hugely pregnant woman: Yes.
Crazy bag lady in Burger King crown: Well bitch, just go to the ATM, get $20, and get a new pair of shoes. White folks got all the money.
Hugely pregnant woman: (silence)
Crazy bag lady in Burger King crown: You know what? God broke your shoe. He broke it cause you hate black people.
Hugely pregnant woman: Umm, this is my stop.
–2 Train
Overheard by: courtney
Really pissed mom: And do you know what size unicorn they tried on her first? Medium.
–Macy's
Cafe employee, about pastries: Those look like fairy testicles.
–HopScotch Cafe
Overheard by: bildita
Guy yelling to passers-by: You're all materialistic, yuppie, vampire kings!
–W4th & Cornelia
Overheard by: greg
Man on cell: So Santa Claus will be there?
–Broadway & Wall St
Woman: When she was a newborn she looked exactly like Yoda, and then she grew up into Dopey.
–Penn Plaza
Five-year-old boy looking out of window: Ahh! I hate the sun! Vampires hate the sun!
–Q Train
Overheard by: LoRna
Dude: Mount Olympus is just, like, one giant trailer park.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Jessica
Guy: People in Vietnam are different than us.
–Park & 24th
Overheard by: Sabrina
Girl to friend: Say something in British, or wherever you're from… Switzerland!
–8th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Larry
Supposedly well-traveled woman: But you know where I want to go next? Buenos Aires! They haven't changed to the Euro yet.
–3rd & B
Hipster: I'm going to punch Uzbekistan.
–West 42nd St
Hipster girl to boyfriend: People like you, you're the reason people die in Mexico!
–18th & 1st
Overheard by: Jessica
