Wednesday One-Liners: Ribbed for Her Pleasure

Loud office chick: Oh my god, I found, like, four condoms on the bookshelf!

–Hudson St

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Serious teen on cell: If you use a condom… It doesn't count.

–Murray Hill

40-something woman to two 20-year-old men: Don't believe any girl when she tells you she's on birth control. Take your condom and keep it in your wallet.

–19th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: McCrum

Guy on cell: You're just mad because your dick is tiny and the condom slipped off.

–Greenpoint, Brooklyn

Powerwalking Indian woman: I mean, isn't that why I went on the pill? So guys can come in me?

–40th & Queens Blvd, Queens

Overheard by: Ohmarkus

Posted on August 20, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Condoms, Desi, Girls, Guys, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Penis, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Queens, Teens, Weirdness, Women

Fine–Your Pussy's the Biggest I've Ever Seen, Okay?

Man: Why do you always have to bring that up?
Woman: Oh, come on, your penis is huge! It's one of the biggest I've ever seen! (gestures with hands)
Man (looking around nervously): Are you crazy? We're in a public place!
Woman: What? No one is listening.

–Lumi Restaurant

Posted on August 19, 2008
Default, Etiquette, Men, Penis, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Upper East Side, Women

Phyllis Puts on Her War Face Before Taking The Subway Home

Blue-collar guy holding elevator door: Have a good night.
Older professional lady getting off elevator: Peace out.

–Office Building, Park Avenue

Posted on August 17, 2008
Blue-collar workers, Buildings, Default, Etiquette, Office, Old People, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

That's Just Your Conscience Dying

Ingenue: She looks good for her age.
Jaded older woman: Botox and lifts.
Ingenue: At least her hair is natural.
Jaded older woman: You kidding? She dyes every week.
Ingenue: Her teeth.
Jaded older woman: Please.
Ingenue: Why do I feel guilty just talking to you?

–Front & Wall Streets

Overheard by: Feeling Guilty for Just Listening

Posted on August 15, 2008
Age/Aging, Body Parts, Botox, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Gossip, Hair, Old People, Physical appearance, Plastic Surgery, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women

If You Liked Waiting for Godot, You'll Love This Quote

Little kid: Who is you? Who is you? Who is you? Who is you? Who. Is. You?!?!?!?!
Woman: Does it matter?

–Knickerbocker Ave.

Overheard by: anonymous

Posted on August 14, 2008
Brooklyn, Default, Kids, Questions, Weirdness, Women

The Wednesday Bone's Connected to the One-Liner Bone…

20-something girl: I don't let people with toes like that into my bed!

–Bleecker & Broadway

Overheard by: insizlane

Old man on cell: Just tell her to go to Duane Reade and get that shit that puts your urethra to sleep.

–East Village

Overheard by: doctors are so jaded

Woman: My son has a perfect head, it's not flat on no sides.

–44 Bus, Staten Island

(man comes over and pushes down everyone's safety bar)
Woman: My uterus just came out of my vagina.

–Coney Island Cyclone

Guy on cell: …and it's just not Sunday unless you've had your finger in someone.

–Houston & Macdougal

Overheard by: Lish

Posted on August 13, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Coney Island, Girls, Hand-Jobs, Health and Hygiene, Medicine, Men, Old People, On Cell, On the Bus, Physical appearance, Sexuality, Staten Island, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday A1 Liners

Crazy hobo: Taco Bell is outta meat. Taco Bell… Is outta meat. I ask for a taco, they say, "We outta meat." What the fuck!? How you run outta meat at Taco Bell? You don't see me runnin' outta weed! Shit. Taco Bell is outta meat.

–Wendy's, 14th Street

Overheard by: Zack

Curious teenage girl: What is that on the floor? Ew! I hate when people leave bags of meat on the subway!

–R Train

Jewish lawyer, answering his desk phone: Weinstein's house of kosher pork. How may I direct your call?

–Newsroom, Midtown

Preppy teen: I am like, a total whore for salami.

–280th St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: casayoto

Woman on cell talking about her upcoming weekend: Mah husband's gone, my kids is gone, I'm jus' goin' lie on the floor and eat some baloney. Mmm hmm. (pauses, listens to person on phone) Das' right. I'm gonna eat some baloney, and some cheese?-I'm goin' make myself a baloney sandwich.

–4th St Station

Overheard by: Jess

Posted on August 13, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Ethnic Food, Girls, Gripes, Hobos, Jews, Judaism, Junk Food & Fast Food, Lawyers, Leisure, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, Preppies, Public Transportation, Restaurants & Cafes, Teens, Weed, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Overheard in Wednesday One-Liners

MTA employee high-fiving another: That's why I always wear my uniform to court. I ain't no thug; I ain't no criminal; I work for the City of New York!

–127th & Lenox

Female suit to friend: Welcome to New York. Have a good day somewhere else.

–Washington Square South

Overheard by: Hey, I like New York.

Crazy bag lady to parents of babbling toddler: Shut your fucking kid up! If you want PC, this isn't the fucking place!

–AirTrain to Jamaica

Barista: I keep forgetting that "New York" doesn't equal "World."

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Chris K.

Girl on cell: A blood draw, a pelvic exam, and a shot in the ass all on the same day… Yeah, well, it is New York.

–Lafayette & Franklin

Posted on August 13, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bag ladies, Baristas, Blood & bleeding, Body Parts, Clothing, Coworkers, Crazies, Crazy, Etiquette, Friends, Girls, Grand Central, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Lower Manhattan, Offers and requests, On Cell, Suits, Washington Square Park, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Are Going Through a Dry Spell

50-year-old female crackhead hobo chasing a 30-year-old male post office worker: Why won't you fuck me? Come fuck me! Are you too scared to fuck me?!

–50th St & 5th Ave

Man talking to stranger outside peep show: No, no, no. This is a peep show. If you want to fuck someone, you have to go somewhere else.

–8th Ave, Midtown

Horny NYU hipster: I haven't had sex in 3 months! If I were a heroin addict I'd have been clean for 2 months already!

–NYU

Loud middle-aged woman on cell: And I was like, "Don't worry, lady, I'm not getting any action!"

–Stuyvesant Town

Overheard by: the libbernator

Old man to old lady: No, I will not bonk you!

–Avenue J & E 12 St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Robert

Posted on August 13, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Crazy, Druggies, Heroin, Hipsters, Hobos, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, NYU, Offers and requests, Old People, On Cell, Questions, Sex, Strangers, Stuyvesant Town, Time, Weirdness, Women

But That Expert on Oprah Swore It Would Help Me Gain Friends

Well-dressed woman to friend: And I just felt so self-conscious without my toenails.
Friend: Yeah…

–54th & Broadway

Posted on August 12, 2008
Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Psychology, Women

Women