American woman: I heard this song the other day — the lyrics were great.
British man: Hm?
American woman: It was almost as good as that one song — you know, that one that goes, ‘Ain’t no call like a booty call, ’cause a booty call just don’t stop.’
British man: Uh-huh.
American woman: The lyrics are all, ‘Looove is my religion. I’ll take you to the temple tonight.’
British man: Wow… Let’s just try to make some more really shitty metaphors, why don’t we?
–Choga, Bleecker St
Overheard by: Alice
Old guy with gray hair: I used to be an old guy with gray hair!
–Mott & Canal St
Overheard by: Will
80-year-old man: What is rough sex? Do I put her against the wall? I don’t know.
–10th & 3rd
Overheard by: Liz
Old lady struggling to get layers of scarves and coats off: I’m not used to having to put clothes on.
–New York Historical Society
Old lady on cell: Old people like sex! I’m 85, and I still like me some sex!
–Port Authority
Overheard by: imerikaf
75-year-old lady to hobo on bench: Oh, wow, you look so cozy!
–Central Park
Old man with cane to 20-ish girl who just nabbed the cab he hailed: Happy holidays, you dumb bitch!
–62nd & 2nd
Old white guy: Fo’ shizzle!
–Outside Nederlander Theatre
Flight attendant: Once again, please remain seated until the captain does turn off the ‘Fasten seatbelt’ sign… That includes all passengers in row nine… That includes all passengers wearing a blue polo… Yes, thank you, and have a great day.
–JFK
Pilot: Welcome to JetBlue flight 703 to San Juan… I’m from South Carolina. We do something special there — we let our kids drive at the age of fifteen. I’ve got a 15-year-old son and a 16-year-old daughter, so if you’re thinking of driving to Florida, do me a favor and fly JetBlue — it’s safer than driving through South Carolina, and my car insurance for my daughter last year was 15 hundred dollars, and now I have to add my son, so I really need this job to afford it.
–JFK
Overheard by: alan b hutscar
Flight attendant: … And if you do require anything during this flight, simply press the button located above your head. Do not approach the galley, as it scares the hell out of me and I am not emotionally prepared to handle that today.
–LaGuardia
Overheard by: Sheffler
Flight attendant: … And be sure that you lock your tray tables and place your seat backs in their least comfortable position for takeoff.
–JFK
Overheard by: Ardbeg78
Pilot: Well, folks, I’m sorry about the delay, but, uh, airplanes are complicated machines, you know? And sometimes they break.
–United flight, JFK
Overheard by: clueless about electronics
Big, jolly black woman about to be frisked at security: You have yo’self a good time!
–JFK
Overheard by: Nancy L.
Guy: Excuse me, I wanted to know if any black women would go out with me. If I were the last man on Earth, would you go out with me? [Black lady does not respond.] What if there were 20 minutes until the end of the world? [Still no response, so guy addresses another lady.] What about you? Would you go out with me?
Woman: What’s the point?
Guy: Alright, let’s start from the beginning… [Holding up gallon of apple juice] I have some apple juice — will you split it with me?
–Union Square station
Woman #1: Don’t step on those leaves!
Woman #2: What?
Woman #1: This is why I don’t come to Manhattan — all these goddamn trees. I hate leaves.
–Grand & Essex
Overheard by: wb
Headline by: Gunther
Runners-Up:
· “But I Love the Black Gum Splotches On The Sidewalk” – Naked Lunch
· “Hobos, on the Other Hand, Are Manhattan’s Welcome Mat” – Kristin
· “In Jersey We Don’t Have to Put Up with This Crap” – PeterG
· “There’s Nothing a New Yorker Won’t Hate” – Volante
· “This Is Why I Hate Leaving the Bunker.” – sweetchuck
Woman: I like tuna, but… you know, like, sometimes the smell’s bad.
Queer: Yeah… Especially when it’s not your own.
–Bleecker & Crosby
Woman #1: Are we going skiing this winter?
Woman #2: I don’t think so. Why?
Woman #1: I have to get some casual clothes. I looked in my closet, and it’s so serious. You know, someone asked me if I was a Republican! I need to get some fun clothes.
Woman #2: Wow, we worry about such different things.
Woman #1: Well, that’s because no one ever thought you were a Republican.
–6 train
Overheard by: Nicole
Woman on cell: Oh, I almost forgot — I heard a Muslim fart today! I know! I knew you’d be excited!
–JFK
Overheard by: Kate
Fat woman, panting: Slow down! I can’t run in these heels.
Thin woman: You can’t run in that ass.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: invid
Old lady with dog in stroller: I’ve met you before.
Old lady with three dogs on a leash: Oh, really? Where?
Old lady with dog in stroller: You were at the nail shop. You asked me about my unitard.
–Christopher & Bleecker
