Woman #1, bumping against woman #2 in stairs: Relax!
Woman #2: You relax!
Woman #1: No, you relax!
Woman #2: You relax!
Woman #1: You have a fat ass!
Woman #2: You need to accept Jesus into your heart!
Woman #1: You have a fat ass!
Woman #2: Accept Christ into your life!
–Yankee Stadium
Woman (reading Playbill before theater play: Oh, look Sharon*, someone's going to play one of the Marx brothers.
Friend: Which one?
Woman: Karl Marx.
–Lincoln Center
11-year-old girl: Yo mamma's broke cuz she spend all her money on rhinestones and cigarttes!
–Riverside Branch Library
Overheard by: always listening
Polite lady: Go straight down that way and cut through the projects–don't worry, they're mixed income–and you'll see it when you come out on A.
–1st Ave & 5th St.
Overheard by: Mrqs
Old lady waiting for the bathroom: How long do people stay in toilets? Jesus! It's a public toilet! There are all these people from the streets that come in, and they always pee on the floor. Well, that's what happens when you're poor.
–NY Public Library
Overheard by: Avery
Homegirl to friend: So she was like "oh, my name's Diamond. And this is my sister, her name's Ruby. Our daddy named us after stuff he can't afford." I was like, shit, if that was the case, my daddy woulda call us "lights" and "gas."
–Prospect Park
Nerdish teen: What the hell was a warlock doing in a dungeon when he had no money?
–C Train
Overheard by: Andrew
Talkative hobo, seeing woman holding papers about Africa: What's up in Africa? You don't look African.
Dignified woman: I used to work in Angola.
Talkative hobo: That's the best kind of job to have, where they pay to send you all over the world. Damn, I bet it costs $2000 to fly to Angola if you were paying for it out of your own pocket.
Dignified woman: Actually, it costs more than that. It's about $4000 to fly to Angola and back from here.
Talkative hobo: Holy shit! $4000 to fly to Angola and back? Do you know how much weed I could buy for $4000? I could sit my ass in the park all day and smoke myself to death! Damn!
–1 Train
20-something woman to man: You've never been arrested? I have never met anyone that has not been arrested!
–Le Charlot Restaurant, Upper East Side
Angry guy on cell: If you ever send e-mail to my family again, I will wait outside your apartment door! (pause) I got arrested! I spent Thanksgiving in jail!
–11th & University
Overheard by: MissPinkKate
Man in US Correctional Services jacket to another looking around hectically in a large crowd: Make sure we don't lose him!
–Penn Station
Chubby well-dressed black dude to skinny white geeky friends: Time in prison can be good for the soul!
–F Train
Overheard by: MissMae
Guy on cell: Yeah man, she's like a young girl, and she's driving me nuts. It's like always a fight with her. I mean, she's so young, yo… But yeah, I mean, she's a sweetheart. I mean, she's a good girl. So young. Like, we've been together for 7 months and that ain't nothing to me, but to her it's a big deal. And I'm all like, shit, I've been in jail for longer than 7 months, you know, so I don't know what she's bitching about. I don't need her to make me miserable. I can make myself miserable.
–Metro-North Train
Overheard by: Meaghan
Fran Drescher sound-alike: What's wrong with you? Don't applaud, I'm going to jail!
–Eight Mile Creek, Mullberry Street
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Boricua: Yo, son, I told you! Birdseed don’t know shit about shit!
–Fordham University
Announcer: The 10:30… Shit, the 11:30 six train to Ronkonkoma is now boarding on track eighteen. Shit…
–LIRR terminal, Penn Station
Eight-year-old girl: Mom, look! Mom, they got a nicer elevator than we do! Shit.
–7th & 2nd
Overheard by: BJ
Girl: Awww, all they have is shit!
–NYU dining hall
Loud woman on phone: So, guess what my 18-month-old daughter learned to say? ‘Oh, shit.’ And guess who she learned it from? Mommy.
–Bergen Beach-bound B3 bus
Overheard by: Robert
Confused Hispanic woman (feet away from tree): What is going on here?
Unenthusiastic cop: I don’t know… some big tree.
–Rockefeller Center Tree Lighting
Man on cell: I’m at the bad Duane Reade right now… Yeah, the one on 14th street…I know that’s the good one, but it’s in danger zone.
–Duane Reade, 14th & 3rd
Overheard by: not in danger zone
Girl on cell: I’m in like the Middle East somewhere… Where are you?
–56th & 7th Ave
Overheard by: dnuggets
Hipster on cell: No, I swear to god I am not in Montreal!
–Outside Alligator Lounge, Williamsburg
Overheard by: miles
Lady yelling into pay phone, by platform: I’m in Yonkers! I’m right by the train!
–W 242 & Broadway, Bronx
Overheard by: Krisztina
Harried guy in suit on his cell: Yeah well, I’m at the Port Authority…I hear this is where the buses leave from.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: JoBell
Screaming man on pay phone: Yo -I told yo ass to meet me on 33rd and 5th. I be standin’ here and you ain’t here. [Pause.] What the fuck do you mean!? I be on da corner waiting for yo ass for the past fifty minutes. I only get an hour for lunch. Now you gone and messed up my day cuz yo ass ain’t show up. [Pauses, speaks more calmly.] I’m on da corner of 33rd and 5th. [Screaming again.] Don’t tell me yo ain’t see me! I’m standing right here!
–35th & Madison
Wholesome-looking man, walking with several families with kids and carrying a cross: Jesus Christ died for our sins today so that we can all give blowjobs whenever we want!
–Union Square
Girl with food: Do you think I'll get on the JumboTron if I deep throat this pickle?
–MSG: Rangers – Caps Playoff Game
40-something, during high school reunion: How dare you tell my husband I gave you a blowjob? I was a virgin in high school!
–Outside Jake's Dillemma
Women on cell: I told him, if he didn't start shampooing his pubes I would stop blowing him!
–14th St & 9th Ave
Middle-aged Romanian: I heard he gives better BJs than Santa Claus!
–Astoria
Overheard by: Crazy Romanians
Woman looking at cookbooks: Do you have a big kitchen?
Friend: Well, kinda. I've got a stove with two burners, and a microwave.
–Bleecker & Cornelia
