Ghetto guy: They got Freshman Friday at my school.
Ghetto girl: What’s Freshman Friday?
Ghetto guy: That’s when they fuck up the freshmen.
Ghetto girl: You a freshman!
Ghetto guy: So? They ain’t gonna grab me…I’m gonna…Whatever.
–Bronx bound 1 Train
Overheard by: Krisztina
Rhodes Scholar wigger: Yeah, we ain’t together no more. Bitch had the nerve to dump me.
Friend: What happened? You guys looked fine last week. It doesn’t make sense.
Rhodes Scholar wigger: She wasn’t down with how I roll. Always dissin’ the way I talk and shit–you know, correcting me and shit. Said she couldn’t take it no more, that I was always actin’ ign-i-ant or some shit. Like she’s some brain scientist or some shit. Bitch was always wrong anyways.
Friend: Brain surgeon.
Rhodes Scholar wigger: What?
Friend: You said brain scientist. I think you meant brain surgeon.
Rhodes Scholar wigger: Dat’s what I said nigga, you just heard me wrong.
Friend: You know what, suddenly it does makes sense.
–Manhattan bound F train
Overheard by: SandmanEsq
Mom: Zacky! Where your ass at?
Small boy: Nowhere.
Mom: Yeah it is!
–Times Square
JAP #1: Which magazine do we want — People or Us?
JAP #2: I don’t know, let’s get People.
JAP #1: Yeah, People has fewer words in it.
–Kosher Delight Restaurant, 13th Ave, Brooklyn
Headline by: Mary Beth Hanlon
Runners-Up:
· “Also Her Rationale for Rejecting the New Testament” – El Jefe
· “Also How President Bush Chooses His Speeches” – Nicole
· “Brevity Is the Soul of Twit” – Bern
· “But if You Eliminate US Magazine’s Use of ‘Brangelina,’ It’s Like 9 Words, Tops” – Riley Ray
· “But They Buy Playboy for the Articles” – Lalaith
· “Does the Menu Come on Podcast?” – Jodi
· “Jews Against ‘Wholesale Bargain’ Stereotype” – jason
· “Now if They Would Just Caption the Pictures with Other Pictures” – Gadfly22
· “Oy” – Wendy
· “Patiently Waiting Until Cheap Celebrity Gossip is Available Telepathically” – Diane
Lady: Excuse me, do you know how to get to the Holliswood Hospital?
Teen: Holliswood Mental Hospital?
Lady: Yes, the Holliswood Psychiatric Hospital.
Teen: Yeah, like I said, the mental hospital.
Lady: Psychiatric.
Teen: Mental.
–Union Turnpike & 188th
Overheard by: Zeve
Tourist kid: Mom, am I fat?
Tourist mom: Yes. Now get in the airplane.
Tourist kid: Dad says I’m husky.
Tourist mom: That means fat.
–U.S.S. Intrepid
Father: Look at that sign. What do you think mela means?
Son: I don’t know.
Father: Look at the picture.
Son: Oh, apple! So it’s, like, an Applebee’s?
–Little Italy
Goth girl: You are such a disillusioned youth!
Goth guy: Wait, what does that even mean?
Goth girl: How should I know? I just think it sounds good.
–Claire’s Accessories
Woman on cell: When you assume, you make an ass of yourself.
–4th Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Mark
Hipster: Yo, what’s up with Filene’s Basement? That shit’s on the top floor!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Hobo Whisperer
Tourist: Is that the Enron building?
–Times Square
Overheard by: Robyn
Tourist to security guard: Are these all originals?
–Impressionist Gallery, the Met
Overheard by: j-diddy
Female tourist: I could never live in Central America because I’d miss the ocean.
–Restaurant bathroom, Little Italy
Overheard by: Olia
Girl looking at subway map: What about that thing, that star–“You are here”? They don’t have that?
–(Moving) uptown 1 train, 59th St
Overheard by: Jo
White hipster girl: Is black semen black?
–86th & Park
Doctor: What do you mean you vomited? When did you find the time to vomit? I don’t care if you’re in California, get on a plane back here! What do you mean, you vomited? How could you?!
–Lenox Hill Hospital
Overheard by: mademoisellezoo
