Wednesday One-Liners Are What They Are By Virtue of Their Relationships

Girl: …because I feel like we’re going out. It’s just that he won’t call me.

–Dunkin’ Donuts, E 14th St

Overheard by: MK

Homegirl to boyfriend: No, no, that’s not what I said, that’s what you heard.

–1st & Ave B

Overheard by: Mollena

Girl: In the last few years, every time I go away to Paris with someone, I end up breaking up with them.

–San Loco, 7th St & 2nd Ave

B&T girl #1 to B&T girl #2: If you lived in NYC, you’d totally find a boyfriend. You totally, totally would.

–LIRR to Penn Station

Overheard by: Pia Peanutbuttas

Sassy chick: I was having a glass of wine with him, and he didn’t have anything to say to me. So I licked his ear.

–Harlem

Overheard by: McN

Shrewd observer: That’s not dating. It’s called being on parole.

–West Building, Hunter College

Woman on cell: Well, I happen to like our Goddamn relationship, thank you very much!

–Central Park

Overheard by: Mike

Posted on March 29, 2015
Anger Management, B & T, Central Park, College, Dating, Drinking & Drunk People, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hunter, Manhattan, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, One-liners, People, Places, Relationships, Sex & Relationships, Trains Not Subway, Union Square and East Village

Pimps Up, Hobos Down

Hobo #1: Hey man, pull yourself together. Get up, bro. Get up. I want to sit down, bro. Get up. Some people want a seat.
Hobo #2: You’re a slut.
Hobo #1: Yeah I’m a slut, but you a ho.
Hobo #2: I’m a ho because of sluts like you.
Hobo #1: Look, man, look at the clock. It’s 8:21, bro. If I catch you lying down on my train again before 12 o’clock, I’m going to kick your ass. You called me a slut, I’ll kick your ass. Now you know.

–L train

Overheard by: V

Posted on March 27, 2015
Anger Management, Hobos, On the Subway

SWM ISO Vampires in Tracksuits

Guy #1: Can we go to Italy Town?
Guy #2: You mean Little Italy?
Guy #1: Yeah. I’ve got someone I need to piss off before sunset.

–NJ Transit train

Overheard by: Aileen Gallagher

Posted on March 21, 2015
Anger Management, Ew, Jersey, Men

Reader Poll: Who’s the Republican Here?

Screaming mom: You have no idea what goes on in this world! Open your eyes and get a goddamn clue already!
Laughing son, ignoring her: Derrr…

–Hudson & Bank

Overheard by: Anna Wolinsky

Posted on March 19, 2015
Anger Management, Boys, Default, Gripes, Insults, Kids, Moms, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Wednesday One-Liners Get Some Pussy

Knitting girl: Don't let your drunk girlfriend name your cat, because eventually you will break up with her and then you'll have a cat with a stupid name.

–The Point Knitting Cafe

Overheard by: Heather

Woman coming out of restroom, holding a bottle of liquid soap: You gotta keep the cat clean!

–NYU Hospital

Overheard by: A nurse who wish she wasn't sometimes!!

Female tourist, to herself: There are nine ways to skin a cat, and I know all of them.

–23rd & 8th

Man to woman, arguing: Fuck you, Nina, that's the point. You're not taking my cat!

–Central Park

Old man to friend, during lunch: I don't like cats' attitudes. Unlike dogs, they can be so aloof. Especially to Jews…

–Deli, 1st Ave

Overheard by: Allison

Posted on March 17, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Baristas, Breaking Up, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Delis, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Gay Man's Best Friend, Hospitals, Insults, Judaism, Man's Best Friend, Men, Names, Old People, One-liners, Parks, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, Tourists, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, West Village, Women

A Lot of Buddhists Like That Film for Some Reason

Man in Jews for Jesus t-shirt sits while well-dressed young man across from him unbuttons shirt, takes out black marker, and writes ‘Buddhist 4 Mohammed’ on his undershirt, standing and aggressively staring down Jew for Jesus.

Buddhist guy: Give me zee money, Lebowski! I fucks you up! We want zee money, Lebowski! Give us zee money or we fucks you up! [Steps to the left, and in a different German accent] Ya, give us zee money, Lebowski. My girlfriend cut off her toe ’cause she thought we would get zee money. Iss not fair.
Jew for Jesus: [Silent, calm.]Buddhist guy calmly sits back down and buttons his shirt, turning to small Hispanic boy next to him: And that’s where babies come from.

–6 train

Posted on March 14, 2015
Anger Management, Crazies, On the Subway

Because I Can Totally Work a Carpet Steamer

Girl #1: Boys make me so angry. Sometimes I think about changing teams.
Girl #2: You can't just “change teams”. You have to be picked for that team.
Girl #1: What? How do I get picked?
Girl #2 (laughing): You have to clean the carpets of all the team members.
Girl #1 (after pause): What kind of team are we talking about?

–12th Street

Overheard by: Team Player

Posted on March 9, 2015
Anger Management, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Girls, Private Parts, Questions, Street

NewsFlash: New Yorker “Tries to Be a Kinda Nice to People.”

Nerdy guy #1 to barista: Thanks.
Nerdy guy #2, sincerely: Wow, that was nice.
Nerdy guy #1: Well, every now and then I try to be kinda of nice to people, ya know?
Nerdy guy #2: I hear that, heat on 'em and then beat on 'em.
Nerdy guy #1: Mmm-hmm.

–Starbucks

Posted on March 7, 2015
Anger Management, Baristas, Nerds, Only in New York, Starbucks

The Cuss-Faucet Continues to Drip After You Turn It Off

Woman #1: I don’t care what kinda shit he was talkin’ about. That motherfucker was out of his mind!
Woman #2, motioning to small children nearby: Stop cursing.
Woman #1: Oh shit, I’m sorry.

–34th St N/R platform

Overheard by: jazzystar69

Posted on March 7, 2015
Anger Management, Kids, On the Subway, People, Places, Topics, Women, Words

I’m Now Chemically Resistant to All Varieties of Blame

Angry female vagrant: So it’s my fault?! Fuck you! It’s got nothing to do with me. I never do anything wrong!
Male vagrant, just as angry: How?!
Female vagrant, bellowing: Because I’m a drug addict!

–Outside the Guggenheim Museum

Overheard by: Emma

Posted on March 2, 2015
Anger Management, Homeless, Museums

Anger Management