Cashier: Do you want some hot sauce?
TV junkie, loudly: What?!
Cashier: Do you want some hot sauce?
TV junkie: Yeah!
Cashier, handing over hot sauce: Have a nice day.
TV junkie: Ohhh-kay!
Cashier, under breath: Douchebag.
–Taco Bell, Roosevelt & Main St
Angry girlfriend: I don’t want you to challenge me on anything!
Boyfriend: [Silence.]Angry girlfriend: I don’t want you to tell me I’m wrong!
Boyfriend: [Silence.]Angry girlfriend: If you’re not going to tell me I’m correct, just don’t talk anymore.
–F train
Overheard by: Colleen
Angry woman on cell: I don’t care if you are an ordained fucking minister, you can go straight to fucking hell!
–Barnes & Noble, Union Square
Overheard by: Last-minute shopper
Crazy lady into microphone: Just because you don’t do drugs or have sex doesn’t mean you’re not going to hell!
–Subway station, 43rd & Broadway, Times Square
Teacher: Let’s go to hell!
–Stuyvesant High
Hobo: Is this the train to hell? It is! Oh my god, you’re all in purgatory!
–A train, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Geneva
Scruffy artist type, to self: I’m not in hell, I’m in New York. I’m not in hell, I’m in New York…
–Elevator, Bellevue Hospital
Overheard by: David
Black woman #1: Who’s that big girl in your store?
Black woman #2: [Laughs.]Black woman #1: She is really big! And she looks young, too.
Black woman #2: [Nods head.]Black woman #1: How old is she?
Black woman #2: Twenty-two.
Black woman #1: Get the fuck outta here! She is too big. She needs a transplant or something.
–L train
Overheard by: John
Woman in large fur coat: What the fuck is wrong with you? Seriously! All you do is fucking bitch!
Man in leather coat: Oh, go to hell, Addy.
Woman: You fucking asshole. Do you need a fucking tampon? You want a tampon?! [Searches through purse, finds tampon, and flings it at him.] Here you fucking go!
Man catches passerby staring: What the fuck are you looking at?!
–Chinatown
Overheard by: LizBeth
Barista guy to girl wearing Red Sox hat: What do we have here? A Red Sox fan? What are you doing in this city? You don’t belong here. Hey, what’s your name? Hey! Are you ignoring me?
Red Sox girl: I’m sorry, did you say something?
Barista guy: Yeah, I was talking about your hat — it sucks.
Red Sox girl: Yeah, whatever. You didn’t spit in my latte or anything, did you?
–Starbucks
Overheard by: Snooper
Woman #1: Don’t step on those leaves!
Woman #2: What?
Woman #1: This is why I don’t come to Manhattan — all these goddamn trees. I hate leaves.
–Grand & Essex
Overheard by: wb
Headline by: Gunther
Runners-Up:
· “But I Love the Black Gum Splotches On The Sidewalk” – Naked Lunch
· “Hobos, on the Other Hand, Are Manhattan’s Welcome Mat” – Kristin
· “In Jersey We Don’t Have to Put Up with This Crap” – PeterG
· “There’s Nothing a New Yorker Won’t Hate” – Volante
· “This Is Why I Hate Leaving the Bunker.” – sweetchuck
Man: I’m just going to break into the apartment, okay?
Woman: You can’t break into the apartment! It’s not even your apartment!
Man: I can do whatever I want! Not you or anybody else is going to tell me what I can and cannot do!
–E 4th St & Ave A
Overheard by: martin
Man to waiter making tea: Hey, you know how many Mexicans it takes to make iced tea? None! Because you’re not Mexican! Ha!
Waiter: Why would you say that? I am Mexican.
–Mike’s Café, Brooklyn
Tourist kid: Look! The Empire State Building!
Tourist mom: Where? I don’t see it.
tourist kid: The big, pointy one!
Tourist mom: Oooh, let’s take a picture!
Passerby: That’s the Chrysler Building, you fucking niggers.
–Outside NYC Public Library
Overheard by: johnny salami
