Get Embarrassing Stains Out With Wednesday One-Liners!

Woman on cell: I didn't take a bath with your dog!

–Long Island Railway

Overheard by: Jeff

Smug girl to gaggle: No, these are my period pants. My mom washed them for me!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: bih.

Very loud crackhead to nobody in particular: Today is great day…I got my pussy washed and I got new crutches.

–14th St

Overheard by: Cuttie

Middle aged man to another: I miss seeing my wife do squats while cleaning the tub.

–Central Park Loop

Overheard by: Nick Kinling

Woman with awful red lipstick: I am too lazy to shower. Ooh! Did I tell you I discovered dry shampoo?

–Broadway & 112th

Overheard by: do us a favor and bathe

Teenage girl to another: I don't know what the fuck he's talking about…I wash my titties everyday with Lever2000.

–D Train

Overheard by: Derrick Walker

Posted on November 5, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Assholes, Beauty, Bimbettes, Central Park, Clothing, Columbia University, Druggies, Family Ties, Friends, Hair, Happiness, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Long Island, Man's Best Friend, Men, Menstruation, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Rack, Sensory Experiences, Sports, Teens, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners?E I E I O

Cop to another: So she said, "see ya later, alligator." To which I retorted, "in a while, crocodile."

–Cunningham Park, Queens

Girl on cell: That was the day I woke up with the pigeon in my bed!

–Christopher St

Law school chick, stopping and staring at pigeon in her path: You go girl!

–East Village

Girl on intercom: Llama needed at the Oyster Bar ramp for a spill!

–Grand Central

Suit to friend: I mean, I don't understand. If people really want to pay like $30,000 to hunt them, I don't see what the problem is.

–Bronx Zoo

Curly grey-haired middle aged crafty lady: If you let them have sex with goats, they'll leave children alone!

–Crafts Fair, Red Hook Fairway

Overheard by: Myrtle & Carlton

Posted on November 5, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Assholes, Astoria, Beastiality, Birds, Cops, Friends, Girls, Grand Central, Kids, Money & Class, On Cell, One-liners, Store, Street, Students, Stupidity, Suits, The Bronx, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, West Village, Women

All I Did Was Buy Her That Apartment.

Guy #1: Remember that whore you were pissing on?
Guy #2: She was not a whore. Can we just clear that up now? She was just a horny Asian girl.
Guy #3: Well, if you kissed her and didn't pay her, she's not technically a whore.
Guy #2: Right.

–9th St & 3rd Ave

Posted on October 30, 2008
Assholes, Free stuff!, Guys, Horny, Pee, Prostitution, Race, Union Square and East Village

He Ended Up in Times Square, and the Rest Is History

Cowboy wearing a Florida Rebel flag belt buckle: You should go back to your own country, or learn to speak English!
Girl leaving train: Have fun in the Bronx, cowboy!

–D Train

Posted on October 28, 2008
Assholes, Girls, Language Barrier, On the Subway, Stupidity, Threats

Get Beat Up a Lot, Pencil Neck?

Tourist: Hi, what do we need to do to join the tour?
Tour guide: Well, there's an entrance exam.
Tourist: Really?
Tour guide: No. But based on this conversation, you would've failed.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Chuckles

Posted on September 27, 2008
Assholes, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Coworkers, Default, Insults, Offers and requests, Questions, Tourists, Weirdness

Although If You Had, I’m Sure the French Would’ve Given Them to You

Polite Japanese tourist: Excuse me, please. Can you give direction to Empire State Building?
Angry old man: Hell, no. It’s not like you people needed goddam directions to get to Pearl Harbor.

–Broadway

Overheard by: He’s sorta right

Posted on June 21, 2008
Assholes, Default, Directions, Hitler/Nazis, Insults, Japanese, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, Old People, Questions, Tourism, Tourists

So She Wouldn’t Have a Lot to Live Up To

Girl: So do you have any kids?
Guy: No, but if I had a daughter I’d name her Kayla.
Girl: I know a Kayla. She’s a fucking crazy bitch.

–West 4th & 6th Ave

Posted on May 2, 2008
Assholes, Girls, Guys, Insults, Kids, Names, Questions, The Village

Transaction Complete — Resuming Human Nature

Cashier: Do you want some hot sauce?
TV junkie, loudly: What?!
Cashier: Do you want some hot sauce?
TV junkie: Yeah!
Cashier, handing over hot sauce: Have a nice day.
TV junkie: Ohhh-kay!
Cashier, under breath: Douchebag.

–Taco Bell, Roosevelt & Main St

Posted on March 8, 2008
Assholes, Default, Insults, Junk Food & Fast Food, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Vendors & Street Performers

I Shall Enforce This Decree by the Power of My Pussy

Angry girlfriend: I don’t want you to challenge me on anything!
Boyfriend: [Silence.]Angry girlfriend: I don’t want you to tell me I’m wrong!
Boyfriend: [Silence.]Angry girlfriend: If you’re not going to tell me I’m correct, just don’t talk anymore.

–F train

Overheard by: Colleen