“Urban” Wednesday One-Liners

Hobo: Man, if you wanna get into heaven, you gotta talk to black people. They know where they at. Can’t get into heaven if you don’t talk to black people.

–Statue of Liberty

Bimbette on cell: So she is like pregnant? Like she is gonna have a baby? Hey, whatever happened to that black family?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Bigg Rigg

NYU grad student: Bill Clinton isn’t black to me anymore.

–NYU

Black couple to group of white people: We’re black! We’re invisible!

–W 4th St

Overheard by: mada

White grandpa to white granddaughter in playground: Black kids have so much fun!

–Union Square Park

Posted on June 18, 2008
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Bimbettes, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Hobos, Kids, NYU, Old People, On Cell, Penn Station, Politics, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Race, Statue of Liberty, Students, Washington Square Park, West Village, White People

Like I Haven’t Trained It to Strike to Kill?

Man pushing a child in a stroller to old woman walking slowly: Get out of the way!
[Shoves her out of the way, runs across the street frantically pushing the stroller.]Old woman: Next time I’ll kill your baby!

–Christopher & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Randy & Jen

Posted on June 8, 2008
Babies, Default, Men, Murder, Offers and requests, Old People, The Village, Threats, Weirdness, Women

Yet I’m Oddly Hungry

Woman in elevator: So then he just bit off the hamster’s head.
Man in elevator: That’s gross.
Woman in elevator: I’m telling you. That’s what happens when you don’t feed babies. They just bite off hamsters’ heads and eat them. It’s disgusting.
Man just entering elevator: This is so disturbing.

–Elevator, Ripley-Ggrier Studios

Overheard by: a poor victim of this conversation

Posted on May 31, 2008
Animals & Nature, Babies, Default, Elevators, Food, Weirdness

Is That Still the Default Setting for Girls?

Stressed guy: But what are you going to do with no hair?!
Stressed girl: I don’t know… Have a baby?

–L Train

Overheard by: Karen

Posted on May 29, 2008
Babies, Default, Girls, Guys, Hair, On the Subway, Questions, Waxing

Which Came First, Wednesday, or the One-Liner?

Girl: As long as I don’t get that anthrax thingy I’m cool with the chicken.

–Elevator 112 west 34th st

Overheard by: Rebecca

Five-year-old: Why do babies look like chickens?

–Nederlander Theatre

Overheard by: Jordan

Man explaining menu to wife: You know fried chicken: the chicken with the crust.

–Virgils BBQ, 44th St

Overheard by: fish

Teacher, after seeing one of her seven-year-old students smell an empty subway seat: Sienna, there are 10,000 people a day sitting in that very seat. What do you think it would smell like? Chicken?

–F Train

Overheard by: Marlene Saunders

Woman to man: Everyone loves when you throw the chicken.

–Court & Joralemon, Brooklyn Heights

Posted on May 21, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Elevators, Fears, Food, Girls, Illness, Junk Food & Fast Food, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Public Transportation, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Teachers/Professors, Theater, Threats, Women, Words

And I’m Not Even Positive This One Is Mine

Older woman: Oh, is this your first baby?
Young pregnant girl: No, this is my last baby!

–Times Square Station

Posted on May 8, 2008
Babies, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Old People, Preggers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Times Square, Women

Tragically, She’s Not Alone

Loud lady #1: What you gonna name yo baby when she pop out?
Loud lady #2: Merlot.
Loud lady #1: What?!
Loud lady #2: Merlot.
Loud lady #1: Marlin?
Loud lady #2: Merlot. Its a fine wine, dummy. The reason she be comin’ in to dis world.

–1 Train

Overheard by: TylerDavis

Posted on May 4, 2008
Babies, Default, Drinks, Friends, Names, On the Subway, Questions, Weirdness, Women, Words

Why You Always See Babies Driving Sports Cars

College meathead #1: You don’t think generally the size of the person is the size of the dick?
College meathead #2: Nah, I mean how could you prove that?
College meathead #3: Dude, why do you think babies’ dicks are so small?

–Fordham University

Overheard by: sromeo

Posted on May 3, 2008
Babies, Compare/Contrast, Default, Fordham, Frat Boys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Meatheads, Penis, Physical appearance, Questions, Stupidity

I Only Plan to Have a Little Bit of a Baby

Drunk girl #1: Maybe it’s time for you to go home and take care of your baby.
Drunk girl #2: I am only a little bit pregnant.

–Dorrian’s, 84th & 2nd

Posted on May 2, 2008
Advice, Babies, Default, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Restaurants & Cafes, Upper East Side, Words

Like, Sleeping-with-Men Disgusting

Lesbian #1: Let’s have seven babies and open an organic bakery in Vermont.
Lesbian #2: That sounds disgusting.

–Williamsburg

Posted on April 22, 2008
Babies, Couples, Default, Jobs & Careers, Lesbians, Offers and requests, U.S. Geography, Williamsburg, Wishes & desires