Babies

Mama thug: Don't stand by the doors. Sit down! You're gonna fall, and I'ma laugh at you. And you want me to laugh at you?
Baby thug: No.

–2 Train

Pregnant woman: Can I cut in front of you, it’s an emergency?
Unpregnant man: Yeah no problem, but you better name that shit after me.

–Famiglia, 8th & Broadway

Cute JAP talking about all the stuff she gets: I don't need a man, I have my mom.

–Rare View Bar

Overheard by: white guy

Blonde girl to male friend: Listen, John. Fifteen minutes, your mom. Fifteen minutes, your mom.

–R Train

Annoying 40-something new mom: A good mom always has a diaper in her pocket!

–Barnes & Noble, 18th & 5th

Overheard by: I Am McLovey

Coworker: I got a bootleg mother.

–Midtown

Window-shopping tourist to wife: Look, honey! It's the dress your mother wore when they buried her!

–Union Square

Overheard by: CJ

Guy: I go over to the house for Mother's Day and she yells at me for not calling her for Mother's Day like my brother did. So I go outside and call her from my cell and say "happy Mother's Day!" and she yells at me for being an idiot.

–37th & 7th

Thug kid: When are you having that damn baby?
Preggers: I was due last week and I want a C-section but the doctor said we shouldn’t do it yet.
Thug kid: I’ma call that doctor tomorrow and tell him to take that nigga out.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Anthony Amico

Girl #1: So I had this dream where I had this little baby, and it was bald.
Girl #2: Oh yeah?
Girl #1: So I mean, it was a boy.

–6 train

Overheard by: marla rosenthal

Customer: Hey, you lost a lot of weight.
Barista: No, I gave birth two weeks ago.
Customer: To a baby?

–Starbucks

Overheard by: mjw51

Guy #1: What are you trying to do?
Guy #2: Have your babies.
Guy #1: Mad babies?
Guy #2: Mabies.

–Rubin Hall elevator, 5th Avenue

Overheard by: danie

Remote control car vendor #1, to hot chick passerby: Hey, baby, I got a pretty girl discount!
Remote control car vendor #2: Yeah, I’m giving out free babies. Free babies!

–181st & Broadway

Overheard by: Josh H

Young woman, waiting to deposit paycheck: They is killin’ me in taxes! I got to get a baby.

–HSBC, Hanson Pl, Brooklyn

Overheard by: andrew

Businessguy: It’s a small world.
Businesschick: Especially in Astoria!
Businessguy: Ha, ha, ha!
Businesschick: Hee, hee.

–Midtown office