Hobo #1: Hillary is gay and Bill is a lesbian! She straps on a big one and gives it to him right in the ass! … Are you listening to me?
Hobo #2: Yeah. You said Hillary has a big one…
–Deli, 23rd & Lex
Hobo #1: Hillary is gay and Bill is a lesbian! She straps on a big one and gives it to him right in the ass! … Are you listening to me?
Hobo #2: Yeah. You said Hillary has a big one…
–Deli, 23rd & Lex
20-something guy #1: I used to fuck guys like you in prison.
20-something guy #2: Please. If you had been to prison I don’t think that you would have been the one doing the fucking.
20-something guy #1: I guess that’s true.
20-something chick: Fucking morons.
–Delancey & Orchard
Overheard by: Bang-Around Bob
Guy: I was laughing so hard gas was coming out of my buttocks!
–Astor Pl
Overheard by: Allie
Loud girl to boyfriend: You know what would be great? If you could stop making those vicious smelly farts and then looking around like it’s somebody else. We all know it’s you.
–A train
Lady to friend: No, seriously! ‘Cause it was like, two hundred farts per whatever, and it should really only be like 35.
–Charlton & Varick St
Overheard by: sophie
Loud little boy: Mommy, I feel much better now! Yes, I did! I farted!
–W 71st & Columbus
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Guy: Good god, my farts smell like cum!
–Christopher St
Overheard by: Deeply Troubled
20-something chick on cell: No, it’s ridiculous. She’s afraid to shit in his house ’cause he thinks girls don’t shit. I mean, how many times have they had anal? Obviously the hole is there for something… I hope she farts on his dick.
–1 train
Overheard by: jenny
Blind guy walking dog: Ughhh, I just farted… Good morning, New York. I love you.
–Central Park
Overheard by: AMOS
Hoochie #1: Let’s do tequila shots!
Hoochie #2: No way. The last two times I did tequila shots I did anal.
–Freeman’s
Overheard by: Patrick Di Justo
Headline by: Evan Allgood
Runners-Up:
· “Correlation does not imply causation” – Devon Brady
· “Mexicans always come through the back door.” – Sean
· “Once, Twice, Three Times A Lady” – briguy
· “One Tequila, Two Tequila, Three Tequila, Whore!” – Queen Pia
· “Tell me about it” – Janet E.
Man #1: I have a book coming out this year, so I’m looking forward to that.
Man #2: Oh, yeah? What’s it about?
Man #1: It’s an oral history of anal sex.
Man #2: [Silence.]Man #1: It was a lot of hard work, but it was a real labor of love.
–Locker room, McBurney YMCA, 14th St & 6th Ave
Headline by: Ryan
Runners-Up:
· “”Annals of Anal”” – Janet E.
· “But the Title is a Mouthful” – Meredith
· “It’s called ‘Talking Out of Your Ass'” – Chris Polubinski
· “Love’s Labours Lubed” – CJC
· “Rim & Punishment” – Fru
· “The Mangina Monologues” – bowloftoast
NYU student: I feel like the professor didn’t scare me enough about the final exam y’know? So then, like, I didn’t get nervous enough, so then I didn’t study enough, so then I didn’t do well on it, y’know? So, like, it’s really my professor’s fault, y’know?
–Korean deli, 13th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Joseph O’Connell
Cop: Yeah, the open-book exam? I passed it on appeal.
–45th & Broadway
Guy on cell: … Fucked me, dude. Fucked me hard. Bent me over the desk and rammed a bluebook right up my ass. Sooo fuckin’ hard…
–Union Square
Guy: I should have studied for this final… But the tequila was so good!
–NYU Silver Center
Student to professor during final: Do you want us to use our intelligence or follow the instructions?
–Columbia University
Man on cell: I had never used a dildo before, you know? It’s just never come up, I guess. So I think, ‘Okay, I’m not that young anymore — I’ll take what I can get…’ and it was going fine, but then I didn’t know you’re not supposed to shove it in that fast…
–14th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Peter L
Dude on cell: Why would I get the pink one? It’s not a dildo, it’s a back massager from Duane Reade.
–Christopher & 7th
Girl: I’ve got my Reisens and my vibrator, and I’m all set!
–Duane Reade, Montague & Court, Brooklyn
Young woman turning to male friend: So, bud, conquered any good buttplugs lately?
–6 train
Girl whispering: I think that girl in line behind me just read this text about rubber pussy cups!
–Victoria’s Secret dressing room
20-something guy to pals at brunch: I’m tired of being the guy with all the good sex toys!
–56th & 9th
Girl to friend: I don’t know, I’m looking for the right guy to take my virginity.
Hobo: Girl, you ain’t a virgin! Butt-sex does too count!
–34th & 3rd
Middle-aged woman: … And you can’t just tell me what you thought of it?
Middle-aged man: I can tell you. I’ll tell you in two words: Anal intercourse.
Middle-aged woman: No, no. Give me three words.
–Broadway & 35th, Astoria
Overheard by: Three’s a Crowd
