Hoochie #1: Let’s do tequila shots!
Hoochie #2: No way. The last two times I did tequila shots I did anal.
–Freeman’s
Overheard by: Patrick Di Justo
Headline by: Evan Allgood
Runners-Up:
· “Correlation does not imply causation” – Devon Brady
· “Mexicans always come through the back door.” – Sean
· “Once, Twice, Three Times A Lady” – briguy
· “One Tequila, Two Tequila, Three Tequila, Whore!” – Queen Pia
· “Tell me about it” – Janet E.
Man #1: I have a book coming out this year, so I’m looking forward to that.
Man #2: Oh, yeah? What’s it about?
Man #1: It’s an oral history of anal sex.
Man #2: [Silence.]Man #1: It was a lot of hard work, but it was a real labor of love.
–Locker room, McBurney YMCA, 14th St & 6th Ave
Headline by: Ryan
Runners-Up:
· “”Annals of Anal”” – Janet E.
· “But the Title is a Mouthful” – Meredith
· “It’s called ‘Talking Out of Your Ass'” – Chris Polubinski
· “Love’s Labours Lubed” – CJC
· “Rim & Punishment” – Fru
· “The Mangina Monologues” – bowloftoast
NYU student: I feel like the professor didn’t scare me enough about the final exam y’know? So then, like, I didn’t get nervous enough, so then I didn’t study enough, so then I didn’t do well on it, y’know? So, like, it’s really my professor’s fault, y’know?
–Korean deli, 13th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Joseph O’Connell
Cop: Yeah, the open-book exam? I passed it on appeal.
–45th & Broadway
Guy on cell: … Fucked me, dude. Fucked me hard. Bent me over the desk and rammed a bluebook right up my ass. Sooo fuckin’ hard…
–Union Square
Guy: I should have studied for this final… But the tequila was so good!
–NYU Silver Center
Student to professor during final: Do you want us to use our intelligence or follow the instructions?
–Columbia University
Man on cell: I had never used a dildo before, you know? It’s just never come up, I guess. So I think, ‘Okay, I’m not that young anymore — I’ll take what I can get…’ and it was going fine, but then I didn’t know you’re not supposed to shove it in that fast…
–14th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Peter L
Dude on cell: Why would I get the pink one? It’s not a dildo, it’s a back massager from Duane Reade.
–Christopher & 7th
Girl: I’ve got my Reisens and my vibrator, and I’m all set!
–Duane Reade, Montague & Court, Brooklyn
Young woman turning to male friend: So, bud, conquered any good buttplugs lately?
–6 train
Girl whispering: I think that girl in line behind me just read this text about rubber pussy cups!
–Victoria’s Secret dressing room
20-something guy to pals at brunch: I’m tired of being the guy with all the good sex toys!
–56th & 9th
Girl to friend: I don’t know, I’m looking for the right guy to take my virginity.
Hobo: Girl, you ain’t a virgin! Butt-sex does too count!
–34th & 3rd
Middle-aged woman: … And you can’t just tell me what you thought of it?
Middle-aged man: I can tell you. I’ll tell you in two words: Anal intercourse.
Middle-aged woman: No, no. Give me three words.
–Broadway & 35th, Astoria
Overheard by: Three’s a Crowd
Queer: So I’m fucking this guy in the ass, and he tries to kiss me, and I’m like, ‘What the hell are you doing?’
–University Place
Hobo: And then the fucker slapped his cock in my ass!
–5th Ave & 22nd St
Overheard by: A bum rap
Queer: I expected something better and all I got was the big dick in my ass!
–Mobile station
Dude: I swear, if Bob Dylan was a chick I would totally fuck him up the ass.
–8th St & Ave C
Man on phone: Yeah, I’m talkin’ big, wet butt-orgy.
–46th St & 7th Ave
Man: Anal is such a pain in the ass, you know?
–Astor Place
Queer #1: Oh my god! I can’t believe you tricked with him! He looks like he’s 70 years old!
Queer #2: Honey, everyone’s the same age when there’s a hand in your ass.
–51st & 9th
Overheard by: Geri AssTrick
Chick #1: So, Fred* and I got in a fight again last night, but we made up just as fast as it all started. I told him that I would let him fuck me in the ass if we can stop fighting for a month.
Chick #2: Oh, yeah, good idea! That’ll work!
–Bartinis
Overheard by: anitaLaMasBonita
