Nobody in New York Knows the Difference between At-Home and Outside Conversations

Yuppie kid: Mommy shaves her hoo-hoo!
Yuppie dad: Okay, honey. Look, do you want your book?
Yuppie kid: I came in the bathroom this morning and asked Mommy what she was doing and she said shaving her hoo-hoo. Mommy shaves her hoo-hoo!
Yuppie dad: Dylan, remember when we discussed at-home conversations and outside conversations?
Yuppie kid: Yes.
Yuppie dad: Well, this is an at-home conversation.
Yuppie kid: Okay, daddy. [Sings to herself quietly] Mommmyyy shaves her hoo-hooo…
Black lady: See, home conversating, outside conversating — that’s bullshit. My kid says shit like that, I smack him. He won’t say shit like that again.
Yuppie dad: Okay, thank you, but I think our method works just fine.
Yuppie kid: Lady, do you shave your hoo-hoo?
Black lady: Oh, yeah, that shit is workin’ just fine. She’s all kinds of polite.
Yuppie dad: Okay, Dylan, this is our stop.

–R train

Overheard by: SandmanEsq

Posted on December 20, 2022
Black People, Dads, Kids, Yuppies

He Doesn’t Cope Well with Fever

Black girl: I’m just going to remain celibate until I meet a nice-looking white man.
Friend: Look how fast he’s walking away!

–Garfield & 7th Ave, Park Slope

Overheard by: Mark S

Posted on December 1, 2022
Black People, Dating, White People

Applied Math Majors at 2AM

Black dude #1: Hey, snowflakes!
Black dude #2: Wanna drink some nigga juice tonight?
White chick #1 to friend: Are you sure you feel safe walking back by yourself?
White chick #2: Yeah, I usually don’t get harassed this much. I think it’s just because there are two of us.
White chick #1: So it’s exponential?
White chick #2: Exactly. Right now, we’re whiteness, squared.

–116th & Lex

Overheard by: blinded by the light

Posted on October 30, 2022
Black People, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Drinking & Drunk People, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Race, White People

Hardly. He Could Have Said the Suitcase Was Full of Jessica Simpson CDs.

Younger black man with suitcase: I just want you all to know that I am getting on the train with a suspicious package.
Older black man, not looking up from his newspaper: Nigga, that is the stupidest thing you could have said.

–Downtown 1 train

Overheard by: observing on the 1

Posted on October 24, 2022
Black People, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, On the Subway, Public Transportation

Diner Fun

Drunk: Where’s my boy, man?

–Odessa, Ave. A

Posted on October 14, 2022
Anger Management, Animals & Nature, Black People, Crazies, Death, Food, History & Geography, Hobos, Homeless, Insults, On the Subway, Only in New York, People, Places, Topics, U.S. Geography, We Love Our Pets

Habitual Offender Wednesday One-Liners

Three white guys are dressed in prison uniforms.

Huge black guy: Those mothafuckas wouldn’t last a second in Attica.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: acep

Guy on cell: Jeff, it’s me. Quick question — when you get arrested, do you lose all of your civil liberties or just some? … ‘Cause these guys won’t leave me the fuck alone…

–Staten Island Ferry

Drunk Fordham student: Have you ever been in a Mexican prison? You have no idea what it’s like in a Mexican prison!

–Pugsley’s

Overheard by: Rachel Hoban

Lady on cell: He just graduated from culinary school, and he said he got the best job in the class. He’s the chef at Michigan State Prison.

–Broadway & Spring St

Girl, after lady bumps into her: I mean, if God bumps into me, that’s one thing — I wouldn’t say nothing, ’cause that’s God, you know? But she ain’t God, and I’m about to go to jail over her ass.

–Target, Brooklyn

Overheard by: santos

Posted on October 10, 2022
Black People, Crime and Punishment, On Cell

So I'm Good 'til the Year 3000

Black woman #1: When is the silicon going to dry?
Black woman #2: It's in bags. In my boobs. Dumb bitch.

–2 Train

Overheard by: Lacy

Posted on October 3, 2022
Black People, Boob Job, Health and Hygiene, Insults, On the Subway, Rack, Women

It Takes a Lot of Effort To Make Wednesday One-Liners Look This Good

Guy to male friend: We believe that the better you look, the more spiritual you are.

–1st St & 5th Ave., Brooklyn

Overheard by: PrairieSquid

Man collecting money for the homeless: Come on guys, I’m way too pretty to be homeless.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Dara

Middle-aged African American male, with a blue NY Giants baseball cap on, and a fur coat: I’m pretty… I’m pretty… I’m pretty

–59th St Subway Station

Overheard by: nickporjr

Bum: Hey pretty! Hey pretty!
[Pretty girl coughs violently and sneezes at the same time.]Bum: Feel better, pretty.

–6th St & 7th Ave, Park Slope

Middle-aged, Chelsea-fit white guy on iPhone: Well, neither you nor any of your sisters were the beauty that I was…

–21st St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Sean

Middle-aged man: You know who was good-looking? Stalin, when he was younger. He was so dashing!

–104th & West End

Overheard by: communist!

Posted on September 30, 2022
Activists, All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Black People, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Family Ties, Friends, Guys, History & Geography, Homeless, Illness, Men, Nice People, Offers and requests, Panhandling, Park Slope, Physical appearance, Queer guys, Questions, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, White People, Wishes & desires

I Thought “She” Was Terence Trent D’Arby

Chick #1: You know, a year ago I didn’t even know who Tracy Chapman was.
Chick #2: Even I knew who she was, and I’m not even black!
Chick #1: Well, I’m not black in the ways that count. I’m not outwardly, identifiably black…Well, except for my skin color.

–Broadway & 116th

Posted on September 22, 2022
Black People, Girls, Idiots, Music, Race, Singing, Stupidity, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Black People