Black girl #1: I told all my white friends that I would be offended if they didn't get me a Kwanzaa present.
Black girl #2: What? I told all my white friends that I would be offended if they did get me a Kwanzaa present.
–Union Square
Black girl #1: I told all my white friends that I would be offended if they didn't get me a Kwanzaa present.
Black girl #2: What? I told all my white friends that I would be offended if they did get me a Kwanzaa present.
–Union Square
Old Chinese lady: Ex-see-cus-see me.
Old Chinese lady: Ex-see-cus-see me!
Gangsta: Man, what are you excusing me about? Fuck you!
Old Chinese lady: Fuck me? Ok, take-a off the pant.
Stairway in silence.
Old Chinese lady: Ex-see-cus-see me!
Gangsta: Sure thing, ma’am. I’m sorry.
Chinese kid: And that’s why we respect our elders.
–Canal St station
Man on cell: Was there a lot of bleeding? [unintelligible reply] Well, was it four sheep or five? [reply] We have to find a way to separate the cows from the sheep.
–Elevator, 56th & 8th
Drunk girl, yelling: All I want is a llama! Another cocktail and a llama!
–Terminal 5
Dude: So you’re enjoying acting, LA, monogamy, horses?
–Cafe Esperanto
Chick to friend: I don’t care how well you clean it, I am not doing shots out of that alligator!
–TriBeCa
Overheard by: lalala
Swanky pin-stripe suit on cellphone: The little shit will definitely get approved. He’s as healthy as a French gay ox.
–51st & 3rd
Overheard by: IG
Young black dude: You know the movie The Lion King? Yeah The Lion King! …You know, the one with all the tigers.
–4 Train
Overheard by: BQM lady
Man: Manatees are the most peaceful creatures in the world… They get hit by motor boats!
–Astor Place
Black guy #1: She’s beautiful. Somewhere between Faith Evans and Beyonce.
Black guy #2: Faith Evans? That don’t sound beautiful.
Black guy #1: Well you know, shape of the face is like Faith, and she’s got that hair and skin like Beyonce. But she’s really smaller than Faith. Her body is amazing. She’s Caribbean.
Black guy #2: Oh. Yes. Caribbean. They do good work.
Black guy #1: Mm-hmm. They do good work all right. Good work!
–Madison Square Park
Kid: Mom, where you at?
Mom: I’m right here, baby, and it’s not where you at, it’s where you is.
–Crowded store
Overheard by: spamandvikings
Black teen #1: Word up, nigga.
Older black man: No, no, no, sister. Don’t use the N-word. Please. Anything but that. Show some respect for your sisters and brothers.
Black teen #2: Fuck you, nigga! You’re not my father!
–B train
Overheard by: PDJ
Ghetto black woman to four-year-old son: The ice ain't gonna respect you, you gotta respect the ice, nigga.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Steven
Obnoxiously loud drunk guy: I need a girl who will respect my receding hairline!
–Virgil's, W 44th St
Overheard by: Check, please!
Thugette: I'm just going to say, "Look, I mean no disrespect, but go fuck yourself. I mean no disrespect, but just go fuck yourself."
–6 Train
Overheard by: i mean disrespect
20-something guy to friend: Man, you don't understand. I really respect this broad…
–35th St & Lexington
Highly agitated gay man, bleach-blond, indeterminately biracial: My mother was black! She died in 1999!
Middle aged black woman: Now, wait a second…
Highly agitated gay man: My mother was black and my father was Chinese!
Middle aged black woman: Now, you just don't worry about them…
Highly agitated gay man: If I'm white, it's because my black mother was white!
Middle aged black woman: Now you're just bein' crazy.
–Prospect Park, Brooklyn
Overheard by: MPW
White teen, grabbing heavy-looking computer monitor from black teen: Fuck, just give it to me, you whiner. You're going to drop it and we'll be screwed, you fucking baby.
Black teen: Bitch, chill, what has been with you lately? Lately you've been acting like you got your white boy period.
White teen: Really. Really. Look at me, look at what I'm carrying. Don't fucking talk to me right now.
Black teen: Definitely, white boy period.
–6th Ave & W 12th St
Thuggette: She just went in there to scoop her vagina out and then she came back.
–Hudson River Park
Teenage girl on cell: Yeah, I got a Brazilian wax for the first time yesterday. And now I'm afraid of the power of my own vagina.
–1 Train
Overheard by: westchester girl
Adorable little girl: I was born in 2002, from my mom's vagina.
–New York Harbor
Overheard by: Barry P.
Man to woman: Ohhhh, is she the one with maggots in her vagina?
–51st & 9th
Overheard by: Highstein
Chick on cell: Tell her to put that in her pipe and smoke it. Or even better, in her vagina. (sarcastically) Ooh, penetration!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Poogins
Very large black man: My penis' jus' as impo-tant as her vagina.
Small meek white man: (nods in agreement or fear)
–A Train
