20-something Puerto Rican on cell: We're walking to the court right now. Yeah, he is an asshole, she's gonna get an order of protection.
20-something black woman, yelling: Yeah, I am tired of his violent shit!
20-something Puerto Rican: Uh-huh, but we're gonna get a patty first. She's hungry.
–Jamaica Ave & 153rd St, Queens
Overheard by: walking to court
Student, about her play: I want the audience to enter through the vagina before they sit down.
–NYU
Guy to younger girl, at intermission of Spring Awakening, right after sex scene: So you had to choose this? We couldn't have gone to see The Little Mermaid?
–Eugene O'Neill Theatre
College student: …exactly how you'd expect a college rendition of The Vagina Monologues to go.
–NYU
Black guy on cell: It doesn't mean I'm gay because I'm going to see a play. (pause) It's for a class… There's nothing wrong with wanting to see a play.
–Union Square
Overheard by: erkala
20-something guy to friend: Picture it; Fishsticks: the musicical!
–63rd St & Broadway
Black chick: What’d bring me to? Once you seen Queen Latifah you don’t need to see this shit.
Black guy: I’m tryin’ to fill you with some culture.
Black chick: Why don’t you fill my closet with Prada?
–Ambassador Theatre, West 49th Street
Staten Island chick: These kids used to go the playground by my house and wind a rope around the merry-go-round and then tie it to the bumper of their car and drive away so the thing would spin outta control–like really fast–until one time some girl got thrown like 20 feet and she died. Then they took it out.
Brother #1: What? Wait, she died? How old was she? Like a kid? How old? How old?
Brother #2: She was 92. She had a full life so you really can’t feel all that bad.
–50th & 6th
Yuppie kid: Mommy shaves her hoo-hoo!
Yuppie dad: Okay, honey. Look, do you want your book?
Yuppie kid: I came in the bathroom this morning and asked Mommy what she was doing and she said shaving her hoo-hoo. Mommy shaves her hoo-hoo!
Yuppie dad: Dylan, remember when we discussed at-home conversations and outside conversations?
Yuppie kid: Yes.
Yuppie dad: Well, this is an at-home conversation.
Yuppie kid: Okay, daddy. [Sings to herself quietly] Mommmyyy shaves her hoo-hooo…
Black lady: See, home conversating, outside conversating — that’s bullshit. My kid says shit like that, I smack him. He won’t say shit like that again.
Yuppie dad: Okay, thank you, but I think our method works just fine.
Yuppie kid: Lady, do you shave your hoo-hoo?
Black lady: Oh, yeah, that shit is workin’ just fine. She’s all kinds of polite.
Yuppie dad: Okay, Dylan, this is our stop.
–R train
Overheard by: SandmanEsq
Black girl: I’m just going to remain celibate until I meet a nice-looking white man.
Friend: Look how fast he’s walking away!
–Garfield & 7th Ave, Park Slope
Overheard by: Mark S
Black dude #1: Hey, snowflakes!
Black dude #2: Wanna drink some nigga juice tonight?
White chick #1 to friend: Are you sure you feel safe walking back by yourself?
White chick #2: Yeah, I usually don’t get harassed this much. I think it’s just because there are two of us.
White chick #1: So it’s exponential?
White chick #2: Exactly. Right now, we’re whiteness, squared.
–116th & Lex
Overheard by: blinded by the light
Younger black man with suitcase: I just want you all to know that I am getting on the train with a suspicious package.
Older black man, not looking up from his newspaper: Nigga, that is the stupidest thing you could have said.
–Downtown 1 train
Overheard by: observing on the 1
Drunk: Where’s my boy, man?
–Odessa, Ave. A
Three white guys are dressed in prison uniforms.
Huge black guy: Those mothafuckas wouldn’t last a second in Attica.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: acep
Guy on cell: Jeff, it’s me. Quick question — when you get arrested, do you lose all of your civil liberties or just some? … ‘Cause these guys won’t leave me the fuck alone…
–Staten Island Ferry
Drunk Fordham student: Have you ever been in a Mexican prison? You have no idea what it’s like in a Mexican prison!
–Pugsley’s
Overheard by: Rachel Hoban
Lady on cell: He just graduated from culinary school, and he said he got the best job in the class. He’s the chef at Michigan State Prison.
–Broadway & Spring St
Girl, after lady bumps into her: I mean, if God bumps into me, that’s one thing — I wouldn’t say nothing, ’cause that’s God, you know? But she ain’t God, and I’m about to go to jail over her ass.
–Target, Brooklyn
Overheard by: santos
