Hipster guy: Ever fuck a black chick?
Buddy: I don’t get involved enough with the chicks I fuck to learn details like that.
–Court & Joralemon St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Big Larry
Fortysomething dude: Don’t tell me I don’t know about metabolism! I have known about metabolism my entire life. Metabolize yourself!
–The Gate, Park Slope
Overheard by: Moochy and D-Rock
Girl on cell: I don’t want to talk about your eating disorder every fucking time we talk!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: mondo man
Small child #1: But I don't want to be a cop! I want to be a robber!
Small child #2: Too bad, you have to be a cop.
Small child #1: Why can't we all just be robbers, then we can steal stuff and no one can catch us?
Small child #2: Because, stupid… that's how it is! Robbers and cops! It's no fun to be a robber if there aren't any cops to chase you!
–Outside Brooklyn Church
Tourist girl: This is my day every day. I sleep until around 9:30 and I get up and I answer my emails. Then, I work for a couple of hours and then I watch The View. And then I eat lunch and I basically meditate and contemplate everything for a few hours. And then I watch Oprah, so I can cry my eyes out for all the poor people in Africa. Then I eat dinner and I go shopping with my parents at the mall.
New York girl: Wow. It sounds like a spa.
Tourist girl: Yes. My life is like a spa.
–Dekalb Avenue, Brooklyn
(teen #1 presses the 26th floor button. Teen #2 presses 21-25th floors for fun)
Teen #1: Dude, what the hell did you do that for?! You're an idiot, I hope you fall off my roof and die!
(pause)
Teen #3, seriously: Can we unpress it?
–Elevator, Bay Ridge
Male law student: You know who I feel sorry for?
Female law student: Who?
Male law student: A black guy with a small dick.
Female law student: Why?
Male law student: Because the expectations are so much higher.
Female law student: You mean, like, with you it’s just expected, right?
Male law student: Not me. I’m hung like… like a black guy.
Female law student: You mean like the black guy who isn’t well-hung?
–Brooklyn Law School library
Overheard by: Big Larry
Teenage nerd: My boss and my dealer have the same name. One time I called my boss asking for weed, and he was like "hey!" and I was like "yo, lemme cop" and he was like "I think you have the wrong number" and I hung up.
–Tompkins Square Park
Overheard by: joy
Yuppie 30-something in black coat and white scarf: I'm going crazy! I've got his dealer's number programmed into my phone, but I can't remember her name, so if I call, I won't know who to ask for. And you have to know who to ask for, or they'll think you're a cop!
–16th St & 7th Ave
Loud, mildly intoxicated girl at dinner: People who litter are so much worse than drug dealers.
–Brooklyn
Lady on cell: Tourism is the only industry that doesn't depend on drug cartels.
–14th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Diaz
Girl, after watching Annie Hall: So, that was your first Woody Allen movie? What did you think?
Guy: It was very Larry David-esque.
–Movies Under the Brooklyn Bridge
Overheard by: Smart Alex/ You Know Nothing of My Work!
Young Hispanic mother, on Disney princess dresses: So, sweetie, which one do you like the best?
Three-year-old girl: I like Jasmine's.
Young Hispanic mother: Oh yeah, that one's sexy.
Three-year-old girl: Seeeeeeexy.
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: Marina
