All Your Base Are Belong to Wednesday One-Liners

Woman who endured rush hour: Wow, what a rush! That was just like Frogger!

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Amy D M

Girl watching friend play Frogger: Oh, I remember how to play! You’re supposed to avoid the cars!

–Barcade, Williamsburg

Overheard by: champ

Dude: I’m telling you, I was put on this Earth just to play fuckin’ Tetris.

–W 13th St

Overheard by: Lauren L

Little Dominican boy to classmate: Why you had to tell on me, white boy, version-one-of-Donkey-Kong?!

–PS 8, Washington Heights

Overheard by: Mona

Law student: He’s a good professor, but he doesn’t have that Mortal Kombat instinct. You know — finish him!

–Sammy’s Noodle Shop, 6th Ave

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Posted on May 23, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Cars and Driving, Dominicans, Elementary & Middle School, Fighting and ass kicking, Grand Central, Nicknames & name calling, Public Transportation, Race, Restaurants & Cafes, School, Students, Teachers/Professors, The Village, Video Games, Washington Heights and Inwood, Wednesday One-Liners, West Village, White People, Williamsburg

So Not Why I Wear This Collar

Teen girl #1: I hate riding in her car.
Teen girl #2: I know! It smells like dog, and then you look like dog.

–Bushwick

Overheard by: -|

Posted on May 20, 2007
Beauty, Brooklyn, Cars and Driving, Girls, Insults, Man's Best Friend, Scents of the City, Teens

Why Would the Doctor Ask about My Last One?

Chick #1: Like, seriously. What is a BMW?
Chick #2: I think it’s a car.
Chick #1: Um, I don’t think so.

–7 train

Posted on May 6, 2007
Bimbettes, Cars and Driving, On the Subway, Stupidity

Of All My Exes You’re the Most Likely to Make That Call

Girl: If I were stranded somewhere with a dead hooker in my trunk, you’re still the person I’d call.
Guy: To this day, that’s the best compliment I’ve ever received.

–1020 Bar, 110th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on April 21, 2007
Bars & Clubs, Cars and Driving, Compliments, Death, Friends, Friendship, Prostitution

But He Keeps Getting Stopped by Border Patrol

Trendy girl: Yeah, well, it’s cheaper to steal cars in the US than to import them.
Fellow employee: Yeah, so he steals these cars and takes them way the hell out to the middle of nowhere… Like, Brooklyn…

–Office elevator, Park Ave South

Overheard by: way too much time on my hands

Posted on April 9, 2007
Cars and Driving, Coworkers, Elevators, Money & Class, NYC Geography, Stupidity, Thievery

I Know That Guy, and His Dick Is Huge

Boyfriend about loud passing motorcycle: You know, guys who clean their pipes like that have small genitalia.
Girlfriend: Well… I’m not so sure about that.

–18th & Park

Overheard by: Bob who likes to walk

Posted on April 8, 2007
Boyfriends, Cars and Driving, Couples, Girlfriends, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Penis

Wednesday One-Liners Missed That Week in Health Class

Boy to friends: Last one to the car has herpes!

–Hylan Blvd, Staten Island

NYU co-ed to another: You gotta put on your STD face!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Jatmos

Drunk girl yelling at drunk guy down the street: I’m pretty sure I haven’t contracted anything from anyone tonight!

–12th & 3rd

20-something chick: How come all the nice guys I meet always have some sort of STD?

–Lincoln Center

Drunk NYU chick: You’re gay and you go to NYU — there’s no reason why your love life shouldn’t be flourishing… except AIDS.

–Union Square

Overheard by: that guy

Blonde: Just because you have syphilis doesn’t mean I have to listen to you!

–Max Breener’s Chocolate Shop, Union Square

Overheard by: Eskimo Child

Chick on cell: Brian? I love Brian… even though he gave me the herpe.

–E 9th & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Raven

Posted on March 28, 2007
Age/Aging, AIDS, All Wednesday One-Liners, Cars and Driving, Drinking & Drunk People, Education, Illness, STDs, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesday One-Liners Are Excellent Drivers, Excellent Drivers

Man to woman and her friend pushing a stroller: Listen, Jeanie, you like my sperm, and I like your car. I’m sure we can make a deal.

–60th & Central Park South

Firefighter after getting a call: Hey, boss, how many one-way streets do you think I can drive down the wrong way?

–Pathmark under Manhattan Bridge

Overheard by: tj

Midwestern woman in preppy clothes sticking head out passenger window of sedan: Excuse me, we’re trying to merge…

–Waiting to enter Lincoln Tunnel

Overheard by: Angela

Homeless musician with Casio keyboard plays entire intro to ‘Oye Como Va,’ then sings: Oye como va, ba da da, blah blah blah blah blah! [Abruptly stops] Well, ladies and gentlemen, that’s what you get for not having a car.

–L train to Williamsburg

Overheard by: Subway Goer

Posted on February 28, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Business and Commerce, Cars and Driving, Cum, Music, NYC Geography, Offers and requests, Questions, Stupidity, Tourism, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Words

Cornholings All Around!

Angry lady pushing frantically on back door: Open the fucking back door, goddammit!
Helpful guy #1: Hey! Back door!
Helpful guy #2: We’re not at the bus stop yet — this is a red light.
Angry lady pushing frantically on back door: Was I talking to you, bitch?
Helpful guy #2: Back door!

–M15 bus

Overheard by: Beeeej

Posted on January 15, 2007
Cars and Driving, Nice People, On the Bus

You’re Not Okay with That?

Limo driver: What are you trying to do?!
Cabbie: Did you not see the other guy, what he was doing? I had to move.
Limo driver: So he tries to kill you, and you move over and try to kill me?
Cabbie: What you want me to do?
Limo driver: So, you try to kill me so you don’t die — you try to kill me, then.
Cabbie: Well, then you have to die.

–7th Ave South & Perry St

Posted on December 28, 2006
Cabbies, Cars and Driving, Violence

Cars and Driving