Guy dressed only in tighty whiteys to bartender: I know I'm only wearing underwear, but can you please turn up the air conditioning?
Bartender: Yeah.
Guy dressed only in tighty whiteys: I'm speaking on behalf of several people. Well, other people who might come in here in their underwear.
–The Ritz, Hell's Kitchen
Girl in truly ridiculous dress: I am a strong, independent woman! I don't need a man in my life!
Friend: Amy*, you're wearing pink and ruffles.
–Lincoln Center
JAP #1: It's like seeing a midget in drag.
JAP #2: Oh, I've always wanted to see that.
–35th St & Lexington
Drunk chick: Who wants a bite of my freak salad? Whoo!
–Hudson & W 11th
Very drunk male hipster: Whass the problem? Roofies make you goofy!
–Stanton & Allen
Wasted college girl: Guys, let's go get more drunk! I wanna get laid! (to another girl on cell) Tell your boyfriend I wanna get laid!
–115th & Broadway
Overheard by: Oh, dear.
Man of questionable sobriety: She tore off my shirt with her teeth, and then covered my chest in Jameson, licked it off, and then humped my face until I fell off the swing.
–Red Restaurant, South Street Seaport
Male #1: That skank from accounting has a nice outfit on today.
Male #2: Does she have a bag over her head?
–53rd St & Park Ave
Woman on cell: Ugh, no I can't. I've been at work, I'm totally wasted.
–Outside Penn Station
Whiny American Apparel employee to new recruit: You're not allowed to chew gum on the floor, you can't wear UGGs to work… You have to be 100% American Apparel.
–Downtown F Train
Overheard by: Kaitlen
Subway musician to dude walking by with guitar on his back: Get a real job! (pause) I always wanted to say that to someone.
–S Train
Female suit to make suit: So, is your work still sticky like mine?
–Port Authority
Overheard by: quiet commuter
Black man in Batman suit trying to get tourists to pay to take pictures with him: I got bills! I got bills!
–Times Square
Overheard by: kpan
Traffic cop, motioning in vain for car to stop: I guess my powers aren't working today…
–Citifield, 7 Train Entrance
Teenage girl: I love my physics teacher. He's like a fat, middle-aged Superman.
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Large man with heavy accent shouting into cell: Please send somebody–I have just been robbed. (pause) I am on the corner. (pause) What do you mean, "white"? He is a Spiderman! He's wearing a Spiderman suit!
–Stanton & Essex
Girl #1: Oh my god, I can't wait to get home and take a shower… I feel so disgusting right now!
Girl #2: You feel disgusting!? I'm not even wearing panties right now, because I fucked some random guy in the bathroom at the bar last night, and my panties fell in a puddle of piss. I definitely need a shower!
–LGA Airport Taxi Line
Overheard by: Joe
Male hipster: How was your birthday?
Female friend: My neighbor showed up in the morning to give me back my panties. I was like “did we sleep together?” and he said, “no, you just gave them to me.”
–85th & 3rd
Overheard by: Advisor Alicia
H&M employee: The manager will be here in 20 minutes.
Angry female customer: Look, I just want to return these pants here and I gotta go to the bathroom, so I'm gonna be urinatin' on the floor!
–H&M Store
