Wednesday One-Liners Get Schooled

Guy leaving registration line: Yo,son, I'm a fucking college student!

–Borough of Manhattan Community College

Girl to friend: If I blow off the first day of class to go to Nobu, am I really meant to be an MD?

–Nobu Restaurant, Tribeca

Crazy guy: School is good! School is very good! You can speak Chinese! You can speak Japanese! (counts to ten in Spanish.) School is good! School is very good!

–C Train

Overheard by: Emily B.

Hipster art student: He keeps giving us too many penis assignments. I don't wanna do another penis assignment.

–Pratt Institute

Blonde: My mom wants me to look at graduation dresses…yeah, let's see if I get there first.

–Austin St, Forest Hills

Posted on February 16, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, College, Crazies, Education, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Insults, Languages, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Penis, Queens, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Street, Students, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

I Try to Stay in Touch with What Ordinary People Are Thinking

Man on bike: You see those boxes over there?
Freshman girl: The white ones?
Man on bike: Yeah, you see those?
Freshman girl: Yes. Those are white boxes.
Man on bike: And you see the truck over there? With the fridge in it?
Freshman girl: Yes.
Man on bike: Okay, just checking. I thought that's what they wanted us to think. (bikes away)

–Pratt Campus

Overheard by: Pratt student

Posted on February 13, 2015
College, Colors, Default, Girls, Men, Questions, Students, Weirdness

Life’s Vile Enough As It Is; Why Make It Worse?

[Young black girl bumps into a young white girl rounding a corner.]Young black girl: Oh, I’m sorry miss, excuse me.
[Young white woman gives the young black girl a nasty look, and continues walking.]Young black girl: I don’t know why da fuck I use manners anymore.

–Lehman College

Posted on February 9, 2015
Accidents, Black People, College, Default, Etiquette, Girls, White People, Women

That’s True of Everything Around Here

Guy #1: Hey, where did you find this eraser?
Guy #2: On that table over there.
Guy #1: Eww, it might have semen on it!

–Polytechnic University, Brooklyn

Posted on February 9, 2015
Brooklyn, College, Masturbation, Yeaaahhh College!

Casper Joins the Navy?

Dude: What’s that movie — the one with the ghosts on the ship?
Chick: Ghost Ship?
Dude: Maybe.

–Kingsborough Community College

Overheard by: Lotte

Posted on February 6, 2015
College, Girls, Guys, Idiots, Movies, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Theater & Dance, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!

Shaneequa's Stint As the Fruit of the Loom Grapes Was Not Looked Upon Kindly

Black chick #1: I was like, “Damn, what hood did you come from?”
Black chick #2: I don't know no hood where people be wearin' purple tights.
Black chick #1: She just needs to get some dick. Imma tell her dat the next time I see her.

–Pace University

Overheard by: Meg-Tron

Posted on January 29, 2015
Advice, Black People, College, Default, Girls, Questions, Sex, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

I'm All, “Ow– You Make Heather's Head Hurt!“

Ditz #1: I hate libraries.
Ditz #2: I know, they're so stressful.
Ditz #1: I even hate Barnes & Noble, it's so hard to understand how they organize books in there!

–Eugene Lang College, New School University

Overheard by: Ashamed that I go to this school

Posted on January 28, 2015
Books & Writing, College, Gripes, Idiots

He’s Training for Jobs in Biotch

Guy #1: I’m thinking of doing bio-medical engineering.
Guy #2: Isn’t that where people create animals–
Guy #1: No, you dumbass film major.

–Hayden Hall Residence, Washington Square West

Overheard by: Calvin T.

Posted on January 23, 2015
College, Manhattan, Stupidity, The Village

Wednesday One-Liners for Ralph Nader… Not!

Sorority chick leaving a democratic rally where hillary clinton spoke: God, they all sounded so political!

–Wagner College

5 year-old boy (to his mother): Is it true that obama's going to raise taxes?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Jen

Woman on cell: I'm trying to find joe sixpack. (pause) no, I don't know joe sixpack.

–98th & Broadway

Several middle-aged, wealthy #40 something upper east side ladies at the dinner table next to us at a french restaurant, discussing politics. The last point on sarah palin: "her hair's fine, her glasses are fine, her clothes are ok but I'm sorry, she's a fucking loser."

–Jacques Brasserie — Upper East Side

Overheard by: Lindsey Miller

Drunk girl: "if lil' wayne was president, things would be running much more smoothly."

–E Houston St & Lafayette St,

Overheard by: Teddy

"my cousin said that obama is the antichrist."
(pause).
"that's mad rude, right?"

–M66

Overheard by: Charley

Posted on January 17, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Bus, Clothing, College, Compare/Contrast, Drunks, Girls, Government, Hair, Insults, Kids, Moms, Names, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Parents, Physical appearance, Politics, President, Religion, Restaurants & Cafes, Soho, Sorority Girls, Street, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Women