Girl #1: Okay, I got it! We should all do coke for Melissa’s birthday!
Long pause.
Girl #2: Uhhhh, no.
Girl #1: I meant that as a joke…ehhh, I think. I mean who would actually suggest that? [under her breath] Awww, damn.
–Columbia
Girl #1: Okay, I got it! We should all do coke for Melissa’s birthday!
Long pause.
Girl #2: Uhhhh, no.
Girl #1: I meant that as a joke…ehhh, I think. I mean who would actually suggest that? [under her breath] Awww, damn.
–Columbia
Math professor: This weekend I saw an exhibit at the Staten Island Zoo about dinosaurs.
Blonde bimbette: You mean with real dinosaurs?
–College of Staten Island
Girl: Do you have any exciting plans for tonight?
Guy: No. Do you want to have a hot dog eating contest?
Girl: Not so much, since I’m a vegetarian.
Guy: I guess I win, then.
–Fordham University, Rose Hill
Overheard by: Andrea
Guido #1, in thick Staten Island accent: Yo, yo bro, I found this thing on Word, it makes you sound smarter.
Guido #2 in same accent: No way, bro! What is it?
Guido #1: I don't know, it's this thing, you click it and it gives you all these words that make you sound smarter.
Guido #2: What's it called?
Guido #1: Sin… Sinono… Sino-somethin, but I swear to god, bro; it makes you sound smarter.
–St John's University, Staten Island
Overheard by: Not from Staten Island
Guy: The thing about Cronenberg is that you have to appreciate him in
context to what he does…which is often unappreciable.
–Belmont Lounge, East 15th Street
Student, after professor played Chopin: Oh, miss, that was beautiful, can you play that again?
Professor: Sure.
Student: Oh, damn! You are nastier than I thought!
–Lehman College
Overheard by: emm
Guy: Ma’am, does the split pea with ham soup have wheat in it? I can’t have wheat. Do you know if it has wheat in it?
Soup Lady: Meat? It’s got ham, man! Says so on the sign!
Guy: No, wheat! Wheat?
Soup Lady: Oooh! Lemme check…HEY SAM, DOES THE SPLIT PEA HAVE WHEAT IN IT?
Sam: Meat?
Soup Lady: No, wheat!
Sam: Nah. It don’t have no wheat!
Guy: Okay, good. I’ll have a large cup of the split pea soup.
Soup Lady: Would you like a wheat roll with that?
–Juilliard cafeteria
Overheard by: H J W
Girl: …because I feel like we’re going out. It’s just that he won’t call me.
–Dunkin’ Donuts, E 14th St
Overheard by: MK
Homegirl to boyfriend: No, no, that’s not what I said, that’s what you heard.
–1st & Ave B
Overheard by: Mollena
Girl: In the last few years, every time I go away to Paris with someone, I end up breaking up with them.
–San Loco, 7th St & 2nd Ave
B&T girl #1 to B&T girl #2: If you lived in NYC, you’d totally find a boyfriend. You totally, totally would.
–LIRR to Penn Station
Overheard by: Pia Peanutbuttas
Sassy chick: I was having a glass of wine with him, and he didn’t have anything to say to me. So I licked his ear.
–Harlem
Overheard by: McN
Shrewd observer: That’s not dating. It’s called being on parole.
–West Building, Hunter College
Woman on cell: Well, I happen to like our Goddamn relationship, thank you very much!
–Central Park
Overheard by: Mike
CEO on phone: Fuck you! Just get me the things I need to make money.
–12th & Broadway
Overheard by: Jeremy
Older man wearing yarmulke, screaming into cell: Hi! I think I left a check for $19,000 in the armoire, can you check if its there? (pause) Oh, good! I was so worried! I will deposit it tomorrow! (pause) Yeah! I'm going over the bridge! (pause) Okay? I gotta go! Bye!
–Q Train
Frustrated girl on cell: I've only got a metro card and $20! I can't take the bus!
–85th & Columbus
Overheard by: Jesse D
Female student: My dad didn't pay two $200,000 for me to be a bartender.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Greg
Singing hobo: I work hard for the money, I work hard for the money, so you better work hard for me!
–W 4th St
Overheard by: DRC
Bursar office attendant: All we do is take yo money.
–Pratt Institute
Professor: Martin Luther King, Jr had women in his hotel room. He was running around on Coretta.
Student: Maybe, they were studying the bible.
(class laughs)
Professor: Well, she may have been calling out Jesus's name. But they sure as hell weren't reading the bible.
Slow girl, five minutes later: Oh, I get it. Ew!
–Baruch College
Overheard by: kteezy
