You Can’t Choose Your Wednesday One-Liners

Jewish girl: I think my family likes me because I will fulfill my potential to be a pompous ass.

–NYU Bobst Library

Thirty-something Hispanic woman: All my nephews are boys… All of them.

–Uptown 1 Train

Overheard by: Suze V

Girl on cell: Well then maybe you shouldn’t have fucked my sister!

–70 & Broadway

Girl on cell: …The half-Asian, half-Jewish guy. And she’s like: "My brother is so pissed at me!" and I’m like: "Of course he’s pissed, you’ve gotten with six of his friends."

–St. John’s University

Overheard by: Peter G

Guy: I’ve seen my sister-in law’s titties so many times…

–Yankee Stadium

Girl on cell: So the little girl at the wedding was like: "Are you guys brothers?" And I was like: "No, we fuck".

–24th St b/w 6th & 7th

Overheard by: Amy

Posted on June 11, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, College, Compare/Contrast, Family Ties, Gender issues, Girls, Guys, Jews, Judaism, Latinos, Library, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Nipples, NYU, On Cell, On the Subway, Promiscuity, Queens, Race, Sex, Stupidity, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Washington Square Park, Weirdness, Women, Words, Yankee Stadium

Guess the Legislation Hasn’t Gone Through Yet

Chick #1: Hanukkah starts today.
Chick #2: Oh? Do they still celebrate that?

–Elevator, School of Visual Arts

Overheard by: Lezbotron

Posted on June 7, 2008
College, Default, Elevators, Girls, Holidays, Judaism, Questions, Stupidity

It’s Biodegradation

Male passerby, to guy wrapped in blue cellophane: Dude, what are you doing?
Female passerby: Why are you wearing blue cellophane?
Guy wrapped in blue cellophane: It’s not blue cellophane!

–Wagner College

Posted on June 5, 2008
College, Default, Guys, Questions, Staten Island, Strangers, Weirdness, Women

Men Rightly Fear the Pitter Patter of Labia Minora

Girl #1: She yelled at me for being a stalker!
Girl #2: Why? What did you do?
Girl #1: I was following him with my eyes.
Girl #2: Oh! That’s not so bad. It’s not like you were actually following him, like… With your feet.
Girl #3: Or your vagina.

–Wagner College

Posted on May 16, 2008
College, Compare/Contrast, Default, Friends, Girls, Harassment, Questions, Staten Island, Vagina

And Filmed It for the Kids

Male student orientation leader: Hi, did you masturbate today?
Female student orientation leader: Yes, I did!

–Orientation, Baruch College

Posted on May 11, 2008
College, Default, Girls, Guys, Masturbation, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Questions, Students

It Does for Sex What Beer Does for Dancing

Girl #1: So yeah, it’s supposed to make you last really long and come like a horse.
Girl #2: Wow.

–FIT

Overheard by: C

Posted on May 8, 2008
Animals & Nature, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, College, Compare/Contrast, Cum, Default, Friends, Girls, Sex, Time

Like You’d Set Foot in Jersey Without Them?

Girl #1: We could drive out to New Jersey this weekend.
Guy: I’ll chip in for gas.
Girl #2: I’ll chip in for drugs.

–Pratt Institute

Posted on May 8, 2008
Cars and Driving, College, Default, Drugs, Girls, Guys, Leisure, Offers and requests, Travel

A Thousand Pardons, Your Ladyship

English teacher: So, have you ever gone with your class to The Met?
Bimbette art student: I don’t do things.

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: traPt (ashamed to be an art student)

Posted on May 2, 2008
Bimbettes, College, Default, Education, Questions, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, Weirdness

Clap If You Believe in Wednesday One-Liners

Stagehand: I’m telling you, in my next life I’m gonna be a yeti impersonator, and it’s gonna be great!

–Lincoln Center

Curly-haired woman on cell: The gnomes you’ll be seeing are among the friendliest, I think.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Poogins

Crazy hobo, walking down the street: I bought Jesus! I bought Santa Claus! I bought the tooth fairy!

–Parsons, 40th & 7th ave

College girl to friend, pointing at native-american diorama: Oh look, they even have mermaids here! [walks closer and sees mannequin’s feet.] Never mind, it’s not a mermaid!

–Museum of Natural History

Yuppie mom, to toddler son: You can live on the upper west side and I’ll be the tooth fairy!

–Times Square Subway

Overheard by: Lillian

Posted on April 23, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, College, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Crazies, Happiness, Hobos, Holidays, Jesus, Jobs & Careers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Museum of Natural History, On Cell, On the Subway, Penn Station, Shopping, Sorority Girls, Times Square, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women, Yuppies

Isn’t That, Like, Lesbionic?

Bimbette from Staten Island #1: If you got a sex change then you could play with yourself.
Bimbette from Staten Island #2: I can already do that.
Bimbette from Staten Island #1: Really, how?

–Wagner College

Overheard by: thrilled to be going to the same school

Posted on April 11, 2008
Bimbettes, College, Masturbation, Questions, Sexuality, Staten Island, Stupidity