Compare/Contrast

Hey, Bra, Check Out These Sweet Wednesday One-Liners

Frat boy: That is the last time I am *ever* jacking off to gay porn.

–Gristedes, 42nd St

Overheard by: …while sober or drunk?

Frat boy to another frat boy staring intently at a young woman dressed as a Hogwarts student: I am really drunk!

–14th St & University Place

Midwest frat dude: The ugliest girls in New York City are like the hottest girls I've ever seen!

–St.Marks & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: slohmie

Frat boy: Dude, I'm not hating -I love gay guys. All I'm saying is -they buy a lot of Kosher wine.

–23rd St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: Dina

Frat boy: We've had sex everywhere… In cars, in public places…I've seen her vagina more times than I've seen my mother's!

–Wagner College

Everyone's Had at Least One Crazy Wednesday One-Liner

College girl to her boyfriend: Yeah, but you always make sexual advances on my roommates.

–Lincoln Center

Serious student: Yeah, well, I really don't want to talk about my roommate's penis anymore.

–LaGuardia & Washington Square South

Chick to friend: It's not about the toilet paper, his roommate only used baby wipes.

–Spring St & Mott St

Overheard by: Nick Caylor

NYU kid on cell: I'm still hoping to live in housing next year unless my roommates find out that I got arrested.

–Mercer & Waverly

Young suit into cell: You pissed on my toothbrush!? What the fuck? Fine, I'll get you a new pouffe… Fuck you! Pink or purple? Just get me a new toothbrush! You know what kind! Always, right? The blue ones or the yellow ones? Well, did you get your period or no? Okay… Okay… fine… fine… fine! Look, I'll be home around seven, okay? (yelling) I don't care who you're fucking, it's your turn to cook! Right, fine, talk later, okay? (hangs up, to very attractive female companion) She's really just my roommate…

–82nd & Lexington

The Inverted Boobies Make a Great Snack Tray

Guy #1: Yeah, I saw this chick that was almost hot.
Guy #2: Almost?
Guy #1: Yeah… all her curves were going the wrong way.

–E Train

…According to Martha Stewart Living

(movie set in SoHo)
Actor (showing where the fake blood stained his hands red): Man, if real blood did this it would be a lot easier to catch people.
Black guy: Man, ain't that the truth. A little hand sanitizer and that shit come right off.

–Houston & Sullivan

And You Know I'm Limber Enough to Do It

(drunk guy attempts to do a split in the middle of the train car)
Woman: Oh wow, that's much better than I could've done.
Drunk guy: I will kill you.

–R Train

Overheard by: jangbang

For Me, but Not for My Doppelgänger

Girl: That club is the worst thing to happen to this neighborhood.
Guy: Why? Have you been there?
Girl: No, but I live in this neighborhood. I know what it's about.
Guy: Wait… You live in Brooklyn.
Girl: Yeah, because this neighborhood is too fucking expensive.

–1st Ave &1 St, East Village

Thank God I Don't Have a Penis Anymore

20-something chick: So one of the side effects of my anti-depressive medication is a complete lack of sexual desire.
20-something dude: Oh well, mine don't do that!
20-something chick: Uh… okay?
20-something dude: … just saying.
20-something chick: They also make it harder for men to ejaculate. Not that I would know.
20-something dude: Yes you would, don't lie to me.
20-something chick, hanging head: …I know.

–114th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Vicksburg

Tila Tequila: “You Rang?”

Guy #1: Chris Noth is way better than Vincent D'Onofrio on Law & Order.
Guy #2: Yeah, but that's not to say that VD isn't great.
Guy #1: Well, yeah, I still fuckin love VD!

–1 Train

Overheard by: I believe that they are called STIs

Then You Probably Have No Interest in Playing Football

Little boy: Grandma, can I play football?
Grandma: I don't know about that, you have to talk to the coach.
Little boy: Grandma, can I play football if I get an F in school?
Grandma: No, you can't play if you get an F.
Little boy: But what if it's an F for “fabulous”?

–Nostrand Ave

Overheard by: aja

Except the Occasional Baby

Loud man in motorcycle jacket to table of friends: I wear a wedding band on job interviews… Makes them think that I'm committed and responsible.
Chick: That's a good idea!
Loud man: I also wear it to the club, chicks dig a guy who can commit.
Chick: That's so true! But wait… You're not married?
Loud man: Nah, I just live with my baby's mama… We sleep in the same bed but nothing ever happens.

–Tony's Pier, City Island

Overheard by: Fulana Pepa

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