Hobo to couple: Right, right, so you take a donut, put it where it don't belong. Like in a tree. Now you got a tv. Take a cream cookie, wipe it on your mustache. Now you got a tv. I would put a chocolate cookie in the middle of a donut.
Woman: Oh my, where did you learn all this?
–Staten Island Ferry
Young woman: I heard this funny joke. A man comes home and his wife says “Your boss called and said that you were fired.” The man answers “Fuck him!”, and the woman says “I did, and now you have your job back.”
Woman's husband: I don't get it.
Eight-year-old son: C'mon dad, she made out with the boss!
–F Train
Professor to couple making out during lecture: Excuse me, what do you think you're doing?
Guy: Oh sorry, one of our friends bet us 50 bucks we wouldn't make out during a lecture.
Guy in front of him to his girlfriend: We have got to get in on that!
–Fordham University
Wife with baby in stroller: Watch the coke! Don't spill.
Husband: Are you going to keep saying that out loud until we get arrested?
–SoHo
Old woman with husband, reminiscing: When I was younger I had an art degree from Cooper Union, had a fantastic graphic design job. I had a great career going for myself. And then guess what happened.
20-something girl: You got married?
Old woman, shocked: No! How old do you think I am? That we're from the 1800s? (pause) Computers. That's what happened.
–Times Square
Overheard by: RCS
Hot 20-something: I can't believe that the last time we had sex, when you orgasmed you were like “ooooh, ooooooh, oooooooh!” From now on, I'm gonna start making some funny noises myself.
Hot 30-something: Oh yeah?
Hot 20-something: Yeah, from now on, when you're like “ooooh,” I'm gonna be like “moo!” or maybe “meow!”
–R Train
Overheard by: Jackie
20-something girl: And then they had another raffle and I won another 30 minutes of free porn and a vibrator.
–Chelsea Market
Overheard by: eSong
Man, talking to himself in the park: I don't discriminate against women. Women discriminate against me. Why? Because they have all different kinds of dildos.
–City Hall Park
Salesman, shouting to man with girlfriend: Have you been neglecting your butthole lately? I'm selling some nice greasy vibrators here!
–34th St
Overheard by: Jessica
30-something balding man on cell: Dildo and show…
–14th & 3rd
Woman to friends posing for picture: 1…2…3…say: "sex toys!"
–West Village
Mythology professor: Ares was a bit stupid, so Aphrodite was pretty much the brains of that operation. For her, he was basically just a living dildo.
–Hunter College
Overheard by: Sarah
Lady holding tickets, smiling: I can't wait, honey.
Grumpy man: Why the hell are we here, again?
–In Line for Theater, 45th St & Broadway
Guy to girl: I have a proprietary interest in your nipples.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Hunter (aka
Hobo coming out of cardboard box to group of blonde chicks: Run yo nipples!
–Blake St
Teenage girl: It's so fucking cold my nipples could pick up radio stations.
–Central Park
20-something Asian guy: But I know babies' nipples are so sensitive…
–Grand & Eldridge
Hobo, yelling at couple on the street: What the hell I look like to you? Huh?! I'm a gangsta! If I had three nipples and no legs, I'd still get laid! (shakes cane at them)
–41st & 8th
Overheard by: S&B at STJ
