Urge to Choke…Rising

Teenage checkout worker, jokingly to coworker: I swear to fucking god one of these days I'ma just reach over and choke you. You are so goddamn annoying I will choke you! (Asian chick approaches, gives bag to teen worker)
Teenage checkout worker, leaning over counter: Nah whadda mean? Nah whadda mean? I'ma choke this mudafucker right here one day.
Asian chick: (silently gives bemused smile)
Teenage checkout worker: I swear to god I'ma choke this one right here, nah whadda mean?
Coworker being threatened: Yo, she doesn't speak English.
Asian chick, with sass: Excuse me? What you don't think I speak English? What, cause I'm Asian you don't think I can fucking speak English?
Coworker: (shocked silence)
Teen checkout worker: You tell him, girl! You tell him!
Asian chick: Yeah. Yeah. I got an 800 on the English section of the SAT. Yeah, I speak English.
Teen checkout worker: Tell him! Say that shit again yo, what was your score, girl?
Asian chick: An 800!

–B&H Photo Video

Overheard by: you tell him, girl!

Posted on February 27, 2015
Asians, Choke, Clerks, Coworkers, Insults, Language Barrier, Questions, Race, School and studying, Store, Teens, Threats

Technically, It's Not a “Club” So Much As P.S. 182

Construction worker #1: We gotta go to this club I heard about. All the girls are on ecstasy.
Construction worker #2: Perfect!

–42nd & Broadway

Overheard by: las

Posted on February 23, 2015
Celebrations/Parties, Construction Guys, Coworkers, Default, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, Sexuality, Straight Trippin'

Wednesday One-Liners Feel Pretty and Witty and Gay

Flamboyantly gay guy to gay friends: Why do I have to be the queen? Why can’t I just be regular?!

–Christopher Street

Overheard by: JMcheer

Queer to another: I just want to bury my face in his ass!

–67th & Park Ave

Gay guy on cell: Oooh! I love playing straight!

–1st Ave, East Village

Overheard by: B

Stressed gay worker: They always skip over my lunch break. Everyone else gets their lunch breaks but they always skip over mine. Ugh. Guys, I’m gonna take my 15 minutes. I’m taking my 15 minutes. I close tonight… Ugh, this is not the road to success! (storms off)

–H&M Store

Overheard by: nyu kid

Queer to boyfriend: You know Romy and Michelle? I love that movie… That movie made me gay.

–Restaurant, 19th & 8th

Overheard by: batou187

Queer on cell: I know… I know! Gosh, that is sooo gay!
(bewildered elderly lady looks at him)
Queer to elderly lady (in shrieking voice): Oh my god, oh my god, the faggot said gay!

–Central Park

Posted on February 20, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Boyfriends, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Coworkers, Eating Out, Gays and Lesbians, Gripes, Movies, Office politics, On Cell, Queer guys, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sexuality, Store, Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, West Village, Wishes & desires, Words

When he Started to Bomb me Over Christmas Break, That Was the Last Straw

Volunteer #1: So, any presidents this week?
Volunteer #2: No, only Henry Kissinger.
Volunteer #1: Oh, I went to high school with him and his brother. They both asked me out, but I wasn’t going to go out with a German refugee.

–The Guggenheim

Overheard by: ash

Posted on February 17, 2015
Coworkers, Museums, President, Upper East Side

Gimme a Hand with This Back Flap, Okay?

Receptionist #1: Yo, my skin is peeling off.
Receptionist #2: Why?
Receptionist #1: ‘Cause I’m gross!

–1177 6th Ave

Overheard by: retarded receptionist

Posted on February 17, 2015
Body Parts, Coworkers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen

Of New Literary Markets?

Worker #1, gesturing: Where'd they go?
Worker #2: He's showing her the new Jeff Koons book.
Worker #1: Oh, I didn't know they were into Jeff Koons.
Worker #2: Oh, I'm not sure they are. But I saw the book. There's, like, mad penetration in there.

–The Met

Posted on February 15, 2015
Coworkers, Questions, Sex, The Met

They Don’t Pay Me Enough to Care Who Explodes

MTA announcer: … And if you see any suspicious packages, please report them to the nearest MTA employee.
MTA guy cleaning platform: No, don’t tell me nothin’. I don’t wanna know nothin’.

–7 train platform, Woodside

Overheard by: Hipster#3

Posted on February 14, 2015
Coworkers, Jobs & Careers, Subway stations, platforms, etc.

Work Day One-Liners

Postal worker to another: Oh, no, don't worry. You do what you want. It is impossible for them to fire you, girl.

–Tompkins Square Park

Mr. Big, sarcastically on cell: Is there anything else that I can do for you, honey, while I'm out making a living?

–First Class Cabin, American Airlines

Overheard by: Frequent Flyer

Scruffy drunk hipster guy to frumpy drunk hipster girl: That's how girls touch me… at work.

–Cobble Hill Brooklyn

Guy on cell: I really need to give up drugs cause, like, no one will hire me. I'm gonna wait a few weeks and try to get a job at Food Emporium.

–Astor Place

20-something girl to another: See, the thing with sweatshops is, at least they have jobs.

–Chelsea

Overheard by: arielle

Well-dressed gay man to another: Doesn't she know the best part of her job is going through the OfficeMax catalogue to order matching office supplies? That should be the highlight of anyone's day!

–E Train

Overheard by: lk

Posted on February 12, 2015
Airports, All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Coworkers, Drugs, Drunks, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Jobs & Careers, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Promiscuity, Queer guys, Questions, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Sure, on Work Release

Old lady employee: His boss hired a lawyer for him.
Young lady employee: Oh, so he’s still working?
Old lady employee: What?
Young lady employee: Are you telling me he works during the day and then he goes back to jail at night?
Old lady employee: Girl, are you sure you went to college?

–Office, 5th Ave

Posted on February 12, 2015
Coworkers, Insults, Office

Coworkers