Airport worker #1: Did you hear about that old black fireman in L? Called himself ‘The Big Dog,’ so the other white fire fighters snuck dog food into his food and then teased him with barking noises for weeks after…
Airport worker #2: No.
Airport worker #1: He sued for discrimination and got, like, a million dollars.
Airport worker #2: That reminds me, we’ve thought about sneaking you cat food.
–JFK
Overheard by: AJ
Female coworker: Last time I went paintballing I got hit in the crotch.
Male coworker: How do you get hit there? How many times?
Female coworker: I dunno, some dude just unloaded on my crotch.
–6th & 38th
Lawyer #1: The first date I ever went on with my wife I took her to a lecture about the physics of Star Trek.
Lawyer #2: Man, what a smooth operator you are.
–Civil Court, 141 Livingston St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Big Larry
Female employee #1: You need to go to church.
Female employee #2: Hell no, I can’t go to church anymore [laughs mischievously].
Female employee #1: You don’t go to church?
Female employee #2: Uh-uh.
Female employee #1: Whatever! Yo, at my church, like, gangs and shit be comin’ on Sundays. The Crips are all on one side and the Bloods all on the other. It’s crazy. They be wearin’ their colors and shit, too.
–Century 21
Cop to others, coming out of bodega: I was into fucking rainbows even before the gays.
–Bedford & S 3rd
Overheard by: Rocky
Tall blue-collar guy to short blue-collar guy: So, how did your date with that guy go? Did you get any action?
–Broadway
Guy on cell: I still don't see how being a dude and preferring other dudes sexually makes me gay.
–Q Train
Hipster on cell: This isn't gay, it's revenge!
–Ave C & 7th St
Guy to friends, matter of factly: So apparently he went there for drugs and/or homosexual sex.
–Rockefeller Center
30-something woman to another: Because she's gay, does that mean I need to pay for everything?
–Central Park
Overheard by: Tom Guest
Coworker chick #1: Do you guys remember [Becky Thatcher]?
Coworker girl crowd: Yes!
Coworker chick #1: Well, I waited on her once!
Coworker chick #2: Yo, did you ask her why she burned down that float?
–84th & 3rd
Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja
Intern: Have you ever been to Disney World?
Employee: Yes, when I was 8. It was when I had my first cigarette.
–3rd Ave
Electric guy to himself: Where’s my gloves?
Grip guy: Gloves? I don’t use gloves. I use my bare hands like a man! Only pussies use gloves. Are you a pussy? Be a man, ya pussy.
Electric guy: But then my skin will get all dry and crack and stuff.
Grip guy: Duh, well, yeah. That’s why you have to moisturize.
–Movie set of I Am Legend
Overheard by: Another electric guy
Broker #1: There was a suicide attack in Israel yesterday.
Broker #2: How many people died?
Broker #1: Luckily, only three. They did it in a resort town in the South called Eilat.
Broker #2: They probably did that to get away with it.
Broker #1: It’s a suicide attack. They don’t get away with it, they get blown to pieces.
–Office, Chrysler Building
Overheard by: BoredBroker
Coworker #1: Wow, I can't believe the space shuttle exploded.
Coworker #2: That's what they get.
Coworker #1: What!?
Coworker #2: Who told them to go into space? That's what they get for flying in the face of god!
Coworker #1: What the hell are you talking about?
Coworker #2: They shouldn't be there. Why do you think every time the space shuttle comes back there are new diseases and shit!
Coworker #1: So you're saying there is life in space!?
Coworker #3: It's true, it's true! They're coming out with new types of onions every day!
–Retail Store Stockroom, Manhattan
